I was diagnosed at 38 in 2010 and I have four daughters who at the time were 4,11, 15 and 16. It happened all so quickly and I had to stay in hospital for almost 3 weeks and my treatment started straight away. My daughters automatically knew something was not right and we had to tell them something. My daughters had already seen cancer at its worst with one of my dearest friends passing away in the same year and also there grandfather some years back,so the C word was not going to sound good. My husband talked to the older girls and was straight forward and he told them I had been diagnosed with a form of cancer but it was a blood cancer and that even though I was really sick now that there would be times I'm better and other times where I was not so good. We were open and explained things as best as we could. With my 4 year old I told her mummy was sick at the moment but the doctors were making me better and that I would come home soon. The hardest thing was being away from them all.
I keep my daughters informed about what is going on up to a certain point and I try not to scare them but if they ask questions I try to explain as best as I can without lying but not giving them too much information which may worry them. I had a stem cell in 2011 and before I went in to hospital I explained to my daughters that I would become sick and maybe look really bad but not to worry because the doctors are just trying to make me better. What I found is that with time your children understand that you are unwell and they adjust to how you are feeling and accept that things are different to before and they do sometimes worry but as long as you tell them what is going on it isn't as scary as not knowing. So I guess in the end its you who knows your children best and when the time comes you will know what to say.
I wish you the very best with everything.
Forums
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Sandy - Name: Sandy
- Who do you know with myeloma?: me
- When were you/they diagnosed?: diagnosed Nov 2010
- Age at diagnosis: 38
Re: Talking to your children
I was diagnosed in Sept 2010 after a summer of back problems. I was 45 years old and my children were 10 and 12. Once my back was feeling better (I had a bad fall that lead to my diagnosis), I felt fine and you would not have known there was anything wrong with me if you had seen me.
We chose to tell our children that I had a blood disease and that I would go see a specialist in another state once a month. I was fortunate that I had no obvious side effects from my local treatment so it was easy to live a normal day to day life. Only family and a few very close friends were told what was going on. We did not want any of their children telling our kids that I had cancer.
However, because of the risk of infection, we all became very germ conscience, which limited any of their friends coming over for visits. By January 2011 we had decided to move forward with my stem cell transplant which would involve my husband and I being in Rochester, MN for 6 weeks. It was time to tell the kids. My husband sat down with each of them individually. He never used the word cancer. He explained that we were going to be gone for a while so that I could have a special treatment to make sure that I became better and never had the back problems again that I had experienced the previous summer. They remembered very well how I had trouble walking most of that summer. We answered any questions they had and they did just fine.
Through the entire process we always assured them that I would be fine. We never let them see our concern or fear. We scheduled the transplant to begin over spring break. Their Aunt took them to Florida for the first 2 weeks to spend time with family. Our close friends kept them for the next 3 weeks at her home with her children and kept them in school and on a regular schedule. My mother (who had been with us for most of the transplant) was with them for the last week before I came home.
Before I left for the transplant I explained to my children that the treatment would make me lose my hair. I gave my daughter the option to go wig shopping with me and we made a girls day of it. All in all I would say they have come through the entire experience pretty untouched.
I'm 2 years post tranplant and have achieved a stringent complete remission. I have Zometa once every three months. I still go see my specialist at Mayo Clinic every 3 months and they stay with our friends while we're gone. It's our new normal....But we do not dwell on the past and we do not let myeloma define us. We enjoy every day and do not take life or each other for granted.
Best of luck to you. I wish you good health and a bright future.
We chose to tell our children that I had a blood disease and that I would go see a specialist in another state once a month. I was fortunate that I had no obvious side effects from my local treatment so it was easy to live a normal day to day life. Only family and a few very close friends were told what was going on. We did not want any of their children telling our kids that I had cancer.
However, because of the risk of infection, we all became very germ conscience, which limited any of their friends coming over for visits. By January 2011 we had decided to move forward with my stem cell transplant which would involve my husband and I being in Rochester, MN for 6 weeks. It was time to tell the kids. My husband sat down with each of them individually. He never used the word cancer. He explained that we were going to be gone for a while so that I could have a special treatment to make sure that I became better and never had the back problems again that I had experienced the previous summer. They remembered very well how I had trouble walking most of that summer. We answered any questions they had and they did just fine.
Through the entire process we always assured them that I would be fine. We never let them see our concern or fear. We scheduled the transplant to begin over spring break. Their Aunt took them to Florida for the first 2 weeks to spend time with family. Our close friends kept them for the next 3 weeks at her home with her children and kept them in school and on a regular schedule. My mother (who had been with us for most of the transplant) was with them for the last week before I came home.
Before I left for the transplant I explained to my children that the treatment would make me lose my hair. I gave my daughter the option to go wig shopping with me and we made a girls day of it. All in all I would say they have come through the entire experience pretty untouched.
I'm 2 years post tranplant and have achieved a stringent complete remission. I have Zometa once every three months. I still go see my specialist at Mayo Clinic every 3 months and they stay with our friends while we're gone. It's our new normal....But we do not dwell on the past and we do not let myeloma define us. We enjoy every day and do not take life or each other for granted.
Best of luck to you. I wish you good health and a bright future.
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tooro
12 posts
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