[Beacon Staff]

Religion in the forum - your thoughts?

by Beacon Staff on Thu Aug 28, 2014 11:33 pm

There was an exchange earlier today in one of the forum's discussion threads ("The Grim Reaper") that raises the issue of how to deal with forum postings that touch heavily on the issue of religion.

The first posting was as follows:

I should explain [a previous comment I made].

Jesus died when He was 33. I complained to God a lot when I was first diagnosed. I would accuse Him of not knowing what it felt like to live and then have life seem to be snuffed out early and with pain - then I remembered Jesus.

I never realized before cancer what a comfort it is to someone who is suffering to realize that Jesus suffered and knows what we are going through. I thought of Jesus every few minutes during my hardest times. 1000 times a day I would look up and ask, "Are you there? Will You catch me when I die? Is this really your Will?".

We need to trust that this world is not all there is.

Which was followed by this posting:

I knew it wouldn't be long before the god botherers reared up on their hind legs and propagated the idea that a deity can help.

Type in "prayer" or "god" to any myeloma reference and count the responses: 0

Prayer does not work. Count the failures of it around the world and on this forum.

We all look for relief and assistance with multiple myeloma but to venture blindly believing that an invented being can somehow get us through all of this is fanciful, alarming and fraudulent.

Which led to a reply from the person who made the first posting:

So, I should not mention God or Jesus because it bothers you?

Why does that bother you?

We think this exchange raises some questions that we'd appreciate your feedback about. We'll outline them in another posting shortly.

[Beacon Staff]

Re: Religion in the forum - your thoughts?

by Beacon Staff on Thu Aug 28, 2014 11:58 pm

As a participant here in the Beacon's forum, how would you recommend we deal with these postings ... and why?

We received one request via private message, for example, that asked us to remove the second posting that we listed above. Do you think that would be the correct thing to do? Why ... or why not?

More broadly, what sort of "ground rules" should there be for discussing religion and one's religious beliefs in postings here in the forum?

Because it may be relevant to the discussion on these issues, we'll mention a couple of broad things we keep in mind as we watch over the forum.

First, our general goal is for there to be a rather broad degree of freedom for people to express their opinions and discuss their experiences. The main thing we ask is for people to maintain a certain minimum degree of respect and courtesy towards one another.

Second, we feel that respect and courtesy towards one another means taking into account that we are a diverse community, with members from all over the world. This means that forum participants have many different economic backgrounds, life experiences, political views, and religious beliefs.

So ... what are your thoughts on the questions we've raised and the general topic of religion in postings here in the forum?

[Arizonan]

Re: Religion in the forum - your thoughts?

by Arizonan on Fri Aug 29, 2014 12:13 am

Lots of my fellow readers are religious, and lots are not. I know from years of reading Myeloma Beacon comments. It is an important discussion, but one better left to other forums.

Myeloma is a complex subject, requiring a tremendous amount of space for the endless details. Managing those details is our ontinuing challenge.

[Toni]

Re: Religion in the forum - your thoughts?

by Toni on Fri Aug 29, 2014 12:28 am

My opinion only, but I would prefer there be a civil and tolerant exchange. Religion/spirituality is extremely important for a very large portion of humanity, and given the grave consequences of myeloma, I would be disappointed at a minimum if participants were "shut down" while expressing their personal beliefs.

I think the specific example in today's forum did just that. The second commentator was critical of the first and their beliefs and effectively shut down the dialogue by stating, "Prayer doesn't work."

It's fine to have an opinion, as I'm sure there are plenty of other outlets other than the Myeloma Beacon for that kind of discussion.

A more helpful comment might have been something to the effect of, "while those are not my beliefs, I .... " and then address the specific issue for that forum.

I think we could all agree that if a devout Jewish person were to express their faith and a faithful Christian said, you're wrong, you need to stop believing that nonsense, we'd all be a bit appalled. That is effectively what happened today. We need to show tolerance despite our own personal beliefs whether you believe in something or not.

[NZMum]

Re: Religion in the forum - your thoughts?

by NZMum on Fri Aug 29, 2014 1:12 am

Gosh I am shocked!

There are some people out there who are really hurting and thats sad.

People have a right to question religion (any religion) and to be angry, but it just hurts people when bad things are said. I haven't looked at the thread because the thought of the Grim Reaper scares me a little, but in response to what is on this thread, I think we all need to be respectful and adult.

I tell my children if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it. So if you want to get your message across it has to be positive. Hard some days when you want to have a rant at them, but I believe it's worth living up to.

Just my opinion
Jen

[cindylouise]

Re: Religion in the forum - your thoughts?

by cindylouise on Fri Aug 29, 2014 5:40 am

Ok, first I found the response to be very disrespectful. We all have a right to believe what we choose. And others have a right to disagree, respectfully. I could understand wanting to post a strong response if the original poster was thinking they would only rely on God to heal them of myeloma. In that circumstance someone might feel the need to strongly educate them. But to disrespect someone for leaning on their faith as they fight this battle is callous.

If we don't agree with their beliefs, we simply do not need to participate. All of the patients, and caregivers who participate in this forum are fighting a battle. And we all have to find our own way thru it. This is supposed to be a supportive place to come for information and community.

I think an appropriate response as you monitor the forums would be to just simply remind people to be respectful if things get out of hand. I also think that if someone were trying to convert every person on the forum to their personal religious views that maybe they could be asked to have those as more private conversations, not everyone feels the need to be converted.

I find this to be a very welcoming place. People freely talk about alternative treatments. People talk about medical marijuana use. And people vary in their approach to treatment. And some very knowledgeable people help to educate those who are newly starting in this fight.

I would hate to see that change. This is a resource I would not want to lose.

[goldmine848]

Re: Religion in the forum - your thoughts?

by goldmine848 on Fri Aug 29, 2014 7:58 am

I have thought long and hard about whether to reply to this thread and, if so, what to say. I have decided just to relate what I thought when I read to posts.

I had a negative reaction to both.

The first one which invoked the religious theme bothered me, not because it simply mentioned religion or God, but because I thought it was just too much. I realize that "too much" is entirely subjective but that is how I felt. Faith has been mentioned many times in the forums and it never bothered me. I think the fact that the post clearly related to a particular religious belief is what made me feel uncomfortable.

The second post, which criticized the first, was clearly too harsh. There is no reason why the poster should not be able to offer his/her view on the religious post but it should be done more respectfully.

I agree that we are facing difficult challenges fighting this disease and faith can provide great comfort. People just need to realize that others may be uncomfortable with too much detail which refers to particular religious beliefs.

[MaryB]

Re: Religion in the forum - your thoughts?

by MaryB on Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:26 am

The people with myeloma are going through so much as it is. If we want to share how we deal with it, so be it. The people that know Christ will find a peace and acceptance that others will not have. Why does the one word "Jesus" cause so much anger for some people?

Leave the forum as it is, a freedom to express thoughts, search for information and tell how we deal with this life as it is now. If we put in a message what we are going through and put in that message things like, "I know God will get me through this." that 's how we are dealing with life.

Even the person that was so upset at the of word Jesus has a right to express how he feels. BUT I do not believe this should become a religious forum.

[AliceNorth]

Re: Religion in the forum - your thoughts?

by AliceNorth on Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:54 am

I'm not religious, but if someone gains comfort from their beliefs then that's great and if they mention in their postings on this forum that they find such comfort, I am not offended.

However, the original posting mentioning "Jesus" in the "Grim Reaper" thread made very uncomfortable reading. I can't imagine that any younger person with myeloma is going to be reassured by the sentence "one famous person who comes to mind who died younger than you guys is Jesus (33)". Insensitive, offensive and crass, in my opinion. Sorry.

[Mike F]

Re: Religion in the forum - your thoughts?

by Mike F on Fri Aug 29, 2014 11:04 am

I have quite a few years of experience with online forums, and these issues always present a fine line to walk. Free exchange of opinions and ideas is what these forums are all about, so no one wants to be too restrictive on what gets posted. At the same time, we all know what can happen when people get angry and disrespectful with each other on the internet.

My personal opinion is that the Beacon should err on the side of being more restrictive than other online forums. Pretty much everyone here is in an emotionally vulnerable state, some much more than others. We're here to learn about our potentially fatal disease and to give and receive knowledge, hope, and comfort to and from others who are suffering from it. Religion, politics, and other hot-button issues obviously have their roles in how we handle our disease and how we get treatment for it. There will have to be some discussions involving these topics, but they must remain civil. In my experience, the best thing to do is to quickly remove posts that aren't. All it takes is one post to set this sort of thing off. Yes, there's the "if you don't like a discussion, don't read it" angle, but that flat-out does not work in practice.

My opinion is that the second post above crossed the line into incivility. The term "God-botherers" was enough in and of itself to make it eligible for removal. Such name-calling is in no way respectful. I don't find the first post to be a problem, although if someone decided to use the Beacon forums as a way to push their religious beliefs on others, then I would think they should be asked to stop doing so.