Something hit me today that I hadn't really noticed before.
Maybe I'm wrong, but it strikes me that, when you see a posting here in the forum by someone who is the spouse of a patient, a majority of the time, the spouse is the wife, rather than the husband.
I would go so far to say "the vast majority of the time".
I think the same is true, but to a somewhat less noticeable extent, when it comes to daughters and sons. I think you see more postings here in the forum by daughters of myeloma patients than sons of myeloma patients.
Has anyone else noticed this? Or am I imagining things?
If my impressions are correct, the obvious question is: Why is this the case?
Forums
Re: More wives & daughters, less husbands & sons
You aren't dreaming this Terry. I've noticed the same thing from my first day on this forum, at least with spouses. I may be imagining it, but I think it also might be a generational thing with wives representing their husband's medical interests...and that it occurs much more with older patients?
I'd love to hear from some of the wives that post on their husband's behalf to get a read on this. I certainly get why folks would do this if the patient is in a bad situation health-wise, but I think this isn't normally the case?
I'd love to hear from some of the wives that post on their husband's behalf to get a read on this. I certainly get why folks would do this if the patient is in a bad situation health-wise, but I think this isn't normally the case?
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Multibilly - Name: Multibilly
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Me
- When were you/they diagnosed?: Smoldering, Nov, 2012
Re: More wives & daughters, less husbands & sons
I believe FEMALES are more inclined than MALES to join forums and communicate via email. I have noticed this in church as well as here. My MALE friends at church hardly participate on the facebook page and rarely do they send emails. Our facebook page content is mostly generated by FEMALES. I am the exception because I am a writer.
A second reason for the disparity may be that many SENIOR CITIZENS in their 60's missed the computer age. Some of us were forced to learn the computer because our work demanded it, but others had employment that did not require computer use. I would not be surprised if many more MALE senior citizens never acquired PC skills than FEMALE senior citizens who did administrative work in an office or at home, or enrolled in PC classes at senior centers.
A second reason for the disparity may be that many SENIOR CITIZENS in their 60's missed the computer age. Some of us were forced to learn the computer because our work demanded it, but others had employment that did not require computer use. I would not be surprised if many more MALE senior citizens never acquired PC skills than FEMALE senior citizens who did administrative work in an office or at home, or enrolled in PC classes at senior centers.
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MikeJBaron - Name: Mike J Baron
- Who do you know with myeloma?: I have myeloma
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 2004
- Age at diagnosis: 56
Re: More wives & daughters, less husbands & sons
Glad to hear that I'm not imagining things, Multibilly. 
I'm surprised, to be honest, that neither you nor Mike mentioned what I tend to think is the obvious explanation for what we're seeing here in the forum. I think that, either as a result of conditioning by the societies we live in, or something more fundamental, women more easily and actively take on the role of caregiver.
The interesting thing is that I think you see this even in the younger generations posting here in the forum, just as much as in the older generations. I agree that you see more wives of older myeloma patients posting here than wives (or partners) of younger myeloma patients, but I think that's mainly because you generally see more postings here related to older myeloma patients. That, of course, has to do with how old myeloma patients typically are.
Mike - I think what you're seeing with your church has less to do with technology and more to do with the fact that women, generally, are more involved with churches and other religious and community organizations ... probably for the same reasons I mentioned for why they more proactively take on the role of a caregiver.
Another reason I don't buy the technology argument is that, in my experience, men tend to be more, not less, willing to mess around with computers and other technology. I admit, however, that my experience may not be typical. It's just happens to be the only one I have.
In any case, thanks for your thoughts. This is an interesting subject, especially given that today is Mother's Day. (Honestly, I didn't think of that when I posted my original question. It came about simply because there seemed to be a string of postings from mothers or daughters.)
I'm surprised, to be honest, that neither you nor Mike mentioned what I tend to think is the obvious explanation for what we're seeing here in the forum. I think that, either as a result of conditioning by the societies we live in, or something more fundamental, women more easily and actively take on the role of caregiver.
The interesting thing is that I think you see this even in the younger generations posting here in the forum, just as much as in the older generations. I agree that you see more wives of older myeloma patients posting here than wives (or partners) of younger myeloma patients, but I think that's mainly because you generally see more postings here related to older myeloma patients. That, of course, has to do with how old myeloma patients typically are.
Mike - I think what you're seeing with your church has less to do with technology and more to do with the fact that women, generally, are more involved with churches and other religious and community organizations ... probably for the same reasons I mentioned for why they more proactively take on the role of a caregiver.
Another reason I don't buy the technology argument is that, in my experience, men tend to be more, not less, willing to mess around with computers and other technology. I admit, however, that my experience may not be typical. It's just happens to be the only one I have.
In any case, thanks for your thoughts. This is an interesting subject, especially given that today is Mother's Day. (Honestly, I didn't think of that when I posted my original question. It came about simply because there seemed to be a string of postings from mothers or daughters.)
Re: More wives & daughters, less husbands & sons
I am recently diagnosed, and my husband is not at all interested in researching this disease or finding out about treatment options. He barely wants to talk to me about it, just wants to know if I'm feeling fine or not. I think he really doesn't like to talk about it or dwell on it, except for when the medical bills come in the mail. He wants things to be normal.
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PegB
Re: More wives & daughters, less husbands & sons
One of the Beacon's readers suggested to us that what TerryH has noticed might be due to the fact that there are more men with myeloma than women.
This is true. There are, in fact, more men with myeloma than women. The U.S. registry that compiles cancer statistics, SEER, estimated that in November 2013 in the United States there were 45,388 men with myeloma and 37,979 women, which means that men account for about 54.4% of all current myeloma patients in the U.S..
The National Cancer Institute also has estimated that, in 2013, 12,000 men were newly diagnosed with myeloma, and 10,000 women, which means that men for 54.6% of newly diagnosed myeloma patients in the U.S..
So, if the postings here in the forum do, in fact, reflect what TerryH posted about at the start of this thread, then the imbalance between the number of men and women with myeloma could partly account for what TerryH observed and posted about.
This is true. There are, in fact, more men with myeloma than women. The U.S. registry that compiles cancer statistics, SEER, estimated that in November 2013 in the United States there were 45,388 men with myeloma and 37,979 women, which means that men account for about 54.4% of all current myeloma patients in the U.S..
The National Cancer Institute also has estimated that, in 2013, 12,000 men were newly diagnosed with myeloma, and 10,000 women, which means that men for 54.6% of newly diagnosed myeloma patients in the U.S..
So, if the postings here in the forum do, in fact, reflect what TerryH posted about at the start of this thread, then the imbalance between the number of men and women with myeloma could partly account for what TerryH observed and posted about.
Re: More wives & daughters, less husbands & sons
Interesting! I agree, women are more inclined to be the caretakers, and are a bit more "social", so may adopt more readily to forums such as this.
But my reason for posting for EJ is a lot simpler. I want him to enjoy his life now, free from as much worry as possible because I know it is going to get harder as his disease progresses. So far, his journey has been relatively uneventful, and he's responded well. But as he progresses I will ask him to take more of the responsibility for understanding this beast, including actively following the Beacon.
Lyn
But my reason for posting for EJ is a lot simpler. I want him to enjoy his life now, free from as much worry as possible because I know it is going to get harder as his disease progresses. So far, his journey has been relatively uneventful, and he's responded well. But as he progresses I will ask him to take more of the responsibility for understanding this beast, including actively following the Beacon.
Lyn
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Christa's Mom - Name: Christa's Mom
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Husband
- When were you/they diagnosed?: September, 2010
- Age at diagnosis: 53
Re: More wives & daughters, less husbands & sons
I am the one with multiple myeloma, but I also know, like a previous poster mentioned, that my husband isn't into posting much of anything online, he does it is fast & simple. Also, I am very detail oriented & like to take charge of the things in my life & future. Cancer, I feel, is trying to take this away, so I want to fight back & believe knowledge is power & helps me prepare for what may be in store for me on the road ahead.
My husband physically & mentally supports & helps me in every way possible, but the thought of research isn't his thing. He also just wants me and the doctors to decide what is best and he will support me in the choices I make. Just the way our marriage has been. If he was the one with cancer, I would still be the one researching it, but probably not as aggressive (or I should say obsessively) as I have been.
But yes, I have noticed there are more women then men on here also.
Terri
My husband physically & mentally supports & helps me in every way possible, but the thought of research isn't his thing. He also just wants me and the doctors to decide what is best and he will support me in the choices I make. Just the way our marriage has been. If he was the one with cancer, I would still be the one researching it, but probably not as aggressive (or I should say obsessively) as I have been.
But yes, I have noticed there are more women then men on here also.
Terri
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Terri Michigan - Name: Terri Michigan
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Self
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 2009
- Age at diagnosis: 45
Re: More wives & daughters, less husbands & sons
I think this is an interesting topic and believe that it is cultural. I my case, (over 60 group) I use the computer as a tool for my work. My wife on the other hand never took to until recently. She has not been that inquisitive as to my cancer, possibly because I am doing relatively well with it so far. I think I am the exception.
As a general rule of thumb, at least in our culture, women have been the primary care givers at all levels raising children, caring for aged parents and sick spouses. When I say culture, I mean western (European based). However, I suspect that this is true with any culture that is male oriented (which is most) and relies on females to "care fo the family".
Ron
As a general rule of thumb, at least in our culture, women have been the primary care givers at all levels raising children, caring for aged parents and sick spouses. When I say culture, I mean western (European based). However, I suspect that this is true with any culture that is male oriented (which is most) and relies on females to "care fo the family".
Ron
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Ron Harvot - Name: Ron Harvot
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: Feb 2009
- Age at diagnosis: 56
Re: More wives & daughters, less husbands & sons
Interesting idea...and full of stereotypes, too!
The problem with stereotypes, though, is that most of 'em have at least a grain of truth to hang upon.
I noticed that one poster mentioned the male fascination with computers (and gadgets) while females are more communication oriented; I think that's quite true. However, think about this one: the first computers invented were actually on looms for weaving ... and at the time, operated mostly by women.
Also remember that until the invention of the typewriter, 'secretary' was a male only job; a stepping stone to 'bosshood.' After the invention of this handy tool (the typewriter) that increased the efficiency of communication, the women took over (and the job became incredibly devalued).
Now, when you think 'geek,' you tend to think of skinny (or obese ... no 'hunks,' anyway) young guys with their noses in computer programming, games and online black-hat forums consisting of terse sentences on overclocking and the obsolescence of gui processes.
Which of course is fine; those guys are out there if you can dig deep enough under the candy wrappers and coke cans to find 'em. I know: I worked for one for years. Liked him a lot, actually. Most people who use computers now, though, are those who are not 'geeks.' They, like the women with typewriters, see the laptop (or the diehards like me with full desktop powerhouses with multiple monitors) as a handy tool to make communication faster, better, and wider ranging. Hello, women! My 92 year old aunt is obsessed with her computer; she spends hours a day writing to all her descendents (she has a hundred or so of 'em) who live all over the planet. She "skypes" her son in Siberia every Monday.
So, I'm about to commit stereotyping myself: the reason you see more women than men on forums such as this one is that women love to communicate and are GOOD at it ... and if we have to use a seemingly male dominated tool and make it ours in order to accomplish communication better, by cracky, we'll do it. And we'll do it longer, more persistently, and better than the men, bless 'em.
The problem with stereotypes, though, is that most of 'em have at least a grain of truth to hang upon.
I noticed that one poster mentioned the male fascination with computers (and gadgets) while females are more communication oriented; I think that's quite true. However, think about this one: the first computers invented were actually on looms for weaving ... and at the time, operated mostly by women.
Also remember that until the invention of the typewriter, 'secretary' was a male only job; a stepping stone to 'bosshood.' After the invention of this handy tool (the typewriter) that increased the efficiency of communication, the women took over (and the job became incredibly devalued).
Now, when you think 'geek,' you tend to think of skinny (or obese ... no 'hunks,' anyway) young guys with their noses in computer programming, games and online black-hat forums consisting of terse sentences on overclocking and the obsolescence of gui processes.
Which of course is fine; those guys are out there if you can dig deep enough under the candy wrappers and coke cans to find 'em. I know: I worked for one for years. Liked him a lot, actually. Most people who use computers now, though, are those who are not 'geeks.' They, like the women with typewriters, see the laptop (or the diehards like me with full desktop powerhouses with multiple monitors) as a handy tool to make communication faster, better, and wider ranging. Hello, women! My 92 year old aunt is obsessed with her computer; she spends hours a day writing to all her descendents (she has a hundred or so of 'em) who live all over the planet. She "skypes" her son in Siberia every Monday.
So, I'm about to commit stereotyping myself: the reason you see more women than men on forums such as this one is that women love to communicate and are GOOD at it ... and if we have to use a seemingly male dominated tool and make it ours in order to accomplish communication better, by cracky, we'll do it. And we'll do it longer, more persistently, and better than the men, bless 'em.
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dianaiad - Who do you know with myeloma?: Me
- When were you/they diagnosed?: Officially...March 2013
- Age at diagnosis: 63
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