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Re: Dealing with Negative People
You just need to tell them it's not healthy being around negative people. My husband has been battling multiple myeloma for 13 years. We tell people there isn't PMS in our home only PMA (positive mental attitude). We stay positive, laugh a lot and of course have faith in God. He works full time, has had 3 BMT's and is back on treatment. If it weren't for the support of his co workers and family and friends, I don't know that he would be where he is today. You really need support and not dwell on the disease. Best of luck and remember PMA. and
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mrselliev
Re: Dealing with Negative People
I haven't had too much "negative" directly at me. I had a lot of people said "I wouldn't go through cemo treatments." My reply was, "I have too much to live for."
The cruelest was my wife's sister. My daughter was married June 1st this year. and everything has been going good for me. It has been six years since my transplant, but I am on a Velcade, Dex, and Revimid. I'm leading a "normal" life. Six weeks before the wedding my daughter came to me in tears, "Is there something your're not telling me?"
"About what?!"
" 'She' told me I'd better have a backup plan for someone walking her down the isle. That you're as good as you're putting on." After assuring her I was not hiding anything from her, I told her I'd go down isle with her even if she had to push me down in a wheel chair. I walked her down, and danced at the reception. I work full time. Why she thought I was doing bad I don't know.
I don't argue with these people, I love making them look foolish.
The cruelest was my wife's sister. My daughter was married June 1st this year. and everything has been going good for me. It has been six years since my transplant, but I am on a Velcade, Dex, and Revimid. I'm leading a "normal" life. Six weeks before the wedding my daughter came to me in tears, "Is there something your're not telling me?"
"About what?!"
" 'She' told me I'd better have a backup plan for someone walking her down the isle. That you're as good as you're putting on." After assuring her I was not hiding anything from her, I told her I'd go down isle with her even if she had to push me down in a wheel chair. I walked her down, and danced at the reception. I work full time. Why she thought I was doing bad I don't know.
I don't argue with these people, I love making them look foolish.
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h2omaker - Name: Tom
- Who do you know with myeloma?: me
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 9/11/2006
- Age at diagnosis: 55
Re: Dealing with Negative People
Dear Sharon,
I can really relate to your situation. My husband was also diagnosed this July and we are still reeling from the shock. In fact, I'd say a good part of the time we're in denial, which is how we're getting through it. I've been very reticent about telling others about his diagnosis because I'm afraid of their reaction. Even more than the fear of what they'll say is what they won't say... but will think to themselves, and how these attitudes will impact our friendship. So I would say that you might hold off telling everyone. I saw an old post from a Beacon patient who said that when she was first diagnosed (at age 30) she told everyone and now, five years later, she regrets that. None of us know what's going to happen down the line. This disease apparently takes many shapes and comes in many forms. I encourage you to wait and see what will unfold. And as to those who you've already told, you might let them know that even the Myeloma specialists who spend their lives treating this disease rarely agree on the severity of individual cases, or the treatment ... so by what experience can these bystanders even offer up an opinion?
I can really relate to your situation. My husband was also diagnosed this July and we are still reeling from the shock. In fact, I'd say a good part of the time we're in denial, which is how we're getting through it. I've been very reticent about telling others about his diagnosis because I'm afraid of their reaction. Even more than the fear of what they'll say is what they won't say... but will think to themselves, and how these attitudes will impact our friendship. So I would say that you might hold off telling everyone. I saw an old post from a Beacon patient who said that when she was first diagnosed (at age 30) she told everyone and now, five years later, she regrets that. None of us know what's going to happen down the line. This disease apparently takes many shapes and comes in many forms. I encourage you to wait and see what will unfold. And as to those who you've already told, you might let them know that even the Myeloma specialists who spend their lives treating this disease rarely agree on the severity of individual cases, or the treatment ... so by what experience can these bystanders even offer up an opinion?
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dblum - Name: Deborah
- Who do you know with myeloma?: husband SMM
- When were you/they diagnosed?: July 2013
- Age at diagnosis: 72
Re: Dealing with Negative People
Try this - "I don't like to go any where by my self so when I go I'm taking some one with me ,
your name just made my list" .
they usually at that point change their attitude or try and avoid you ,which works for me ! NG
your name just made my list" .
they usually at that point change their attitude or try and avoid you ,which works for me ! NG
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Nipon Ginko - Name: Nipon Ginko
- Who do you know with myeloma?: ME
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 2004
- Age at diagnosis: 66
Re: Dealing with Negative People
I've rarely had to deal with negative input. My favorite response when I did was "Thanks for letting me know all I have to look forward to. I think I'll just go home now and wait to die". The look of shock on their face was worth it - they never broached the subject again. Come to think of it, they never talked to me much at all after that. Oh well, it was no big loss.
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Kevin J - Name: Kevin J
- Who do you know with myeloma?: myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: Jan 2011
- Age at diagnosis: 52
Re: Dealing with Negative People
Sharon I lost my sister to multiple myeloma in '95 after losing my dad 20 years earlier. My mother had a colon section from colon cancer at 86 years. I was diagnosed with lung cancer and CLL 12 years ago and multiple myeloma 4 years ago with prostate cancer and skin cancer in between, so my answer, and I think I have enough experience to make a statement, the experience of others means NOTHING when it comes to survival.
Think positive, its the first line of defense and cure.
Think positive, its the first line of defense and cure.
Last edited by Wayne K on Fri Sep 13, 2013 12:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Wayne K - Name: Wayne
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Myself, my sister who passed in '95
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 03/09
- Age at diagnosis: 70
Re: Dealing with Negative People
I like this statement... "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about". People that say mindless, hurtful things have never been faced with their "life changing battle". I have ended some emotionally painful relationships lately, including with my parents. Remember, they are quick to remind us myeloma folks that our time is limited...don't waste it on shallow, dense people. Loose the stress!
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Jaksix - Name: Jules
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 2007 MGUS, 2012 Smoldering
- Age at diagnosis: 42
Re: Dealing with Negative People
WOW! Thanks everyone - we are overwhelmed by all the replies as it really helps us feel that we are not alone in this and gives us strength in being more assertive with those negative ones.
We understand that people have different reactions and have accepted/excused some of the rather wierd responses from friends, but remain in awe at the negativity of close family members. BUT we have enough affirmation now to limit our communications with them and tell them when they have crossed the line.
Thanks again!!
We understand that people have different reactions and have accepted/excused some of the rather wierd responses from friends, but remain in awe at the negativity of close family members. BUT we have enough affirmation now to limit our communications with them and tell them when they have crossed the line.
Thanks again!!
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shaznics - Name: Sharon
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Husband
- When were you/they diagnosed?: July 2013
- Age at diagnosis: 48
Re: Dealing with Negative People
Insensitivity and negativity are the last things a person facing illness or any life challenge needs. It is just plain rude! I think people who spew out those hurtful words think only of themselves as they try to be all knowledgeable. Why don't you just look them in the eye and ask, "Who died and made you God?" That should get the point across that their opinion stinks and is unwelcome on every level. Or, you could be bluntly honest and tell them their words are very hurtful and that you don't need their negativity in your life.
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Louise
19 posts
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