Myeloma, Party Of Two: And The Oscar Goes To …
Have you got any plans this February 28th? Throngs of adults will soon don party hats and make champagne toasts in living rooms across the nation. Surrounded by black streamers and gold statuettes, they’ll make friendly wagers on who will win the best actor or supporting actress. There’ll be some surprises when nominees’ names are called to the podium that no one thought would win, and there’ll be triumphant cheers when crowd favorites are honored for their popular efforts.
The 88th Annual Academy Awards is a couple of days from now. This is not usually newsworthy in my world, but the long, red carpet rolls out every year and this year it has me thinking. We admire the stars for their style, poise, and grace. We laugh at their wit and try to imagine what we’d say to them if given the chance. Standing there, they stare straight into the camera and smile, and while we know they are mere mortals like the rest of us, they seem to be gods of fortune.
Sadly, I suspect that most Oscar fans will never realize who the best actors and actresses really are. There are many who walk amongst us, who without scripts, publicists, or entourages, face the arduous tasks of living their lives fully, despite physical, emotional adversity that most people could never fathom.
So this column is dedicated to you, reader, because you know firsthand what it means to give award-winning performances that inspire us all to believe and persevere.
Given that my husband Daniel has not yet had a stem cell transplant or been placed on maintenance therapy, I can only imagine what life is like for the multiple myeloma patients who are really suffering every day. To be honest, I try to not imagine it.
I hope that when the time comes, Daniel and I will have the strength to give the stellar performances that I’ve seen from you.
I’ve read your comments on the Myeloma Beacon, and I’ve seen you in the waiting rooms, meeting your daily dose of adversity with smiling faces, determination, and steadfast spirits. I’ve watched you encourage others who are struggling, and be the pillar of strength for your families despite the uncertainty that surely clung to your distant thoughts.
I’ve watched you too, spouses and caregivers, standing by your loved one’s side, anticipating their every need, whisking away paperwork, urine jugs, and the fear behind your nurturing, empathetic gazes.
I’ve read the contributions of loved ones left behind, like Merle Goodman, who about this time last year, wrote a farewell column in memory of her husband, Beacon columnist Dr. Arnie Goodman. Despite her own grief, Merle buoyed us up, inspiring us in her support of the multiple myeloma community.
There are so many examples of patients and caregivers who’ve shown otherworldly strength and peace. One of these patients who worked tirelessly to improve the lives of myeloma patients was fellow Beacon columnist Pat Killingsworth, who passed away earlier this month.
Aren’t these amongst us the real Oscar winners? Those who can look beyond themselves and, despite their exhaustion or pain, embrace the role of fighter, nurturer, positivist, or believer?
If I had my own awards show, I’d recognize those like you; you who keep the faith, day-in and day-out, assuming a role for which you receive little to no accolades, and you always know your lines. You’re in character every day, in makeup, under the lights, and you do the work. You put one step in front of the other, you straighten your shoulders back, raise your head high, and you show us that you can do this – and we can do it too.
Now that’s a performance worthy of applause.
Award ceremonies don’t hold a lot of significance in my life, but maybe that’s because they seem so trivial compared to those I see and read about everyday – those who deserve the real accolades in life. And so, the Oscar goes to you, multiple myeloma patients, caregivers, researchers, and medical staff. You’re the ones who deserve the standing ovation. Thank you for playing such influential roles for us all.
Tabitha Tow Burns writes a monthly column for The Myeloma Beacon. Her husband Daniel was diagnosed with smoldering myeloma in 2012 after initially being told he had MGUS. You can view a list of her previously published columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column for The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
Thank you, Tabitha, for the beautifully written column. 'All the world's a stage,' as Shakespeare said! We admire so much all of the caregivers, researchers, medical staff and the patients who are struggling but hold their heads up high! It is humbling to realize how much others work to help us actually. (I love seeing the beautiful gowns at the Oscars though!)
Thank you Tabitha. Beautifully written with a lot of thought. You made me feel like a winner on this myeloma journey?
I too started with MGUS, in 2009, and then smoldering myeloma. My M protein spiked in 2011 and I had my transplant in May 2012. I too enjoy reading all the columns, and was very saddened to read about Pat Killingsworth's passing. His writings will be missed.
Diana.
Thank you for such a beautifully written column. It feels so good to be recognized and honored along with our entire support team for what we face everyday.
Diane
Bravo Tabitha! Lovely column.
Thank you.
Raised a smile, but oh so true! When all around are obsessed with material 'nonsense', it's sometimes hard to reign in some perspective. But I smile and think 'they don't know'. They just don't know what might be around the next corner and how they should be living life instead of craving 'stuff'. Yes. We are all actors and this myeloma world is our unfortunate stage. But it has made us as a family appreciate what's really important, put down 'the stuff', and share as much quality time together as we can.
Great article, well written. Thank you.
** Acceptance speech concludes **
I'd like to thank my parents, Ruth and Glenn. It's an honor to accept this award on behalf of all my doctors, research scientists, nurses, techs, administration personnel, caregivers and friends. I'm sorry if I left out anybody else. There is one special person I just met yesterday, who has been in her role battling myeloma for 23 years through some tough scenes. I honor her and pledge to do my best as her co-star.
Craig, I love your "acceptance speech"! Keep 'em comin', y'all!
There are so many amazing individuals in our midst!
Tabitha
Tabitha
That was a great column. All myeloma veterans live the part every day, and do it with grace, style, and good humour. They can do this because most have great caregivers, like my wife who has kept me inspired and focused for over 5 years on this journey. The Myeloma Beacon is the town square where all of us can exchange experiences, what helps with neuropathy, what helps with sleepless dex nights, etc.
When I found the Beacon, the information presented and exchanged supported my myeloma treatments more than any other resource. Once again thank you.
Eric
Great article. I agree all the myeloma patients deserve an award for keeping on. And in particular Pat Killingsworth deserves an award for helping us all understand a lot about multiple myeloma. I always looked forward to his articles. I will miss him.
I look forward to reading all these articles, so thank you all for writing and helping us keep perspective!!
Thanks, Tabitha, for making patients and caregivers alike feel special. We do what we have to to do. I applaud you and other Beacon contributors who give us inspiration despite the hardships and setbacks.
Tabitha - You are spot on. Great column!
Thank You Tabitha. Your column spoke to my heart .
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