Myeloma Mom: Lordy, Lordy, Look Who’s Forty!
I have exciting news, everyone! I’m old!
I turned 40 earlier this month. When I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma at age 30, I often wondered if I’d ever see 40.
In fact, during the first few scary years after my diagnosis, I pretty much assumed I wouldn’t.
Forty seemed so old and far away. When you’re diagnosed with a fatal disease at age 30, you don’t really worry about getting old. You don’t plan for anything that’s 10 years away; heck, you don’t plan for anything that’s one year away.
A couple of years ago, it dawned on me that I might actually make 40 after all. I knew it wasn’t guaranteed, but it looked like I was headed in that direction. I couldn’t understand friends who complained about turning 40 or about getting older. As my own big birthday approached, I got more and more excited.
Bring it on, 40! I thought. Bring. It. On.
I don’t care if I get wrinkly or saggy or gray. I just want to hang around.
Now, here I am. And it is pretty awesome.
When I was a kid, 40 seemed impossibly old. I remember my seventh-grade English teacher turning 40. Other members of the school staff joked with her and teased her all day long. At the end of the day, they wrapped her in a shawl, put her in a wheelchair, and rolled her across the street to the old-folks’ home, like the feeble, elderly person she was.
Well, of course, I thought. She’s going to need to be looking into nursing homes in a few years anyway.
When my mom turned 40 a few years later, she wrote a song about it called, “I Refuse to Turn 40.” I can’t remember most of the words, but I remember it was about wanting to stay 39 because turning 40 means you are old and wrinkly. There was something in there about needing to use a lot of Oil of Olay.
Now that I’m 40, I can say that I don’t use Oil of Olay yet, and I still feel pretty far from being elderly. I don’t feel any different than I did when I was 39.
And I’m still on the young side for myeloma. I’m still usually the youngest person in the waiting room at the cancer center. I’m no longer a freakishly young myeloma patient, but I still don’t really blend in yet.
Still, this is a big milestone. When you have myeloma, you celebrate every milestone that you can.
Turning 40 is one of the few big milestones that I’ve marked in my own life. Most of the time, I’ve always looked toward the big milestones in my daughter’s life. She was only six months old when I was diagnosed. I was scared of all that I could miss, but I didn’t want to look too far ahead, so I would always set small goals.
I wanted to see her learn to walk. Check.
I wanted to see her start pre-school, and then kindergarten. Check, check.
I wanted to take her to Disney World. See her learn to ride a bike without training wheels. See her make her first communion. Check, check, and check.
And I didn’t just look forward to the big things. I can make a milestone out of pretty much anything. Not long after my diagnosis, we were sitting in her bedroom listening to a Sesame Street CD. Elmo sang, “Elmo reached the highest shelf! He did it by himself!” And I cried, because I knew I’d never see her reach for something on a shelf.
Seriously. I had this exact thought: “I will never see her get something off of a shelf!”
Now she’s nearly 10 years old and starting middle school in the fall. She’d probably roll her eyes if I even mentioned that she used to like Elmo. And, yes, she can reach a shelf just fine.
Time goes on. We’re all getting older. I might get a few gray hairs. And that’s a good thing.
Karen Crowley is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of her columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column for The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
Congrats on your 40th, for after all, 40 is the new 30.
Karen, nice column. I was 57 at diagnosis and very sad that I would not get to experience my 60's. I had longed to see what "retirement" and taking trips and generally mellowing out would be like. But mostly I was sad that I would not be remembered enough by my 7-year old daughter. All the sorts of life experiences that I would not be able to share with her. Those were definitely my saddest thoughts.
8 years later my daughter is in 9th grade. We have taken innumerable trips together - our 5th trip to Europe is coming up. My children from my first marriage are all now in their 30's, not their early 20's. My wife and I have had 8 additional years of experience together. Like you, I constantly celebrate the act of getting older.
Thanks again for your thoughts. Joe
Well done, Karen. I was diagnosed in 2000. I went through a stem cell transplant in 2003 and have been on Revlimid since January 2009!
My figures remain low - my specialist describes my situation as 'on-going remission'. So with an initial prognosis of 4 to 5 years and now still being mobile and drinking :-)) I have nothing to complain about!
Best wishes Karen for on-going good health,
Ken Guy, Queensland Australia.
Karen,
Congrats on your 40th birthday. Now your next goal needs to be 50. You may well make it with the advances in treatment.
Congratulations Karen! This is wonderful, and definitely worthy of celebration.
May I ask, what was your regimen in the past 10 years in regards to MM?
I am so happy for you! My daughter was 32 when diagnosed in 2012. Like Tom, I am curious what your regimen has been in the last 10 years. My daughter did the usual Velcade and dex, SCT, and Revilmid maintenance until relapse this August. Now she is in a clinical trial and in the summer will be making decisions on the next step.
I hope you are blessed with many more years of watching your daughter grow and reach milestones.
Yay for 40 …. Congratulations
I also love my birthday each year, because I am still here! I have had myeloma since I was 47, and I just turned 63 - my new favorite number. I may get wrinkly and saggy, but I am still here to enjoy life with my husband, have fun with my granddaughter, and just appreciate every day. I have even changed the way my sisters think about getting older … sure beats the alternative!
One positive thing that myeloma has given me is the appreciation of every day and all of the little moments that are so special. Tough way to get that lightbulb to go on, though, don't you agree?
Happy Birthday, Karen, and many, many, many more.
Happy 40th! A diagnosis like multiple myeloma gives you a new perspective - it makes you appreciate each day and really appreciate each birthday! It's good to get old!
Happy 40th Birthday! Wishing you many more wonderful milestones in the many years ahead! Having been diagnosed at 39 and now blessed to be 441/2, I embrace each new gray hair and each new laugh line! Cheers to many more!
Congratulations Karen on celebrating your 40th! Having MM definitely changes your perspective toward aging. Now when I see ads on TV for hair color and wrinkle creams, I pity people who allow themselves to worry about signs of aging. I say, bring it on! I can only hope to live long enough to become old, gray and wrinkled.
Happy Birthday, but just remember, old age, and MM, ain't for sissies.
Happy Birthday, Karen! I enjoyed reading your column. I was diagnosed with SMM about a year ago, after the initial shock, you do get a new perspective on life. I wear my grey hair proudly
Happy Birthday Karen! I hope that you have many many more returns of the day. I think that you are a 'young' forty, since you have run at least one marathon and are very oriented towards fitness. The 'fitbit' you wrote about last year is a nifty gadget, and I think it encourages more walking! Thanks so much for your columns!
Happy Birthday Karen, keep fighting mom!
Happy Birthday and hear is hopping you go 40 more!!
Awesome!!! I cannot wait to read your column celebrating your 50th Birthday.
Spot on as usual Karen. I remember having so many of those same thoughts. Happy Birthday! Here's to keeping a positive attitude and looking forward to many many more milestones!
Karen,
Happy. 40th. Birthday!
Best wishes for your next 40 years. I'm looking forward to reading about them month by month.
Keep on going!
Mike
Karen,
Happy 40th and wishing you many more healthy birthdays. As a spouse of a newly diagnosed, you and all the other awesome columnists and commenters give me hope for better days to come, where we will beyond the bone pain and we have beaten the disease back so it's just something that is managed. You are a great example to all moms - we should all (MM or not), be appreciating all the milestones for our children - they grow up far too fast... All my best, Susie Q
God Bless you on this birthday and the many more to come! My very best wishes to you always.
I relate so much to your posts.
When I was diagnosed at 32 I asked if I would make it to forty and my doctor could not give me reasurances.
Speaking about options, and the transplant I asked:
how long it would last before relapse? and I was told "about 5 years."
And then what I asked? "another transplant". But then I'll be 40 and what next? "new research is promising". It was such a scary place to be.
now I'm 37 and going on 38 so all of a sudden 40 is not so far away anymore! And I don't feel like I'm going anywhere soon, accept more treatment is coming up in my future
Congratulations Karen!
Not so much for turning 40, but instead for seeing lots of your daughter's accomplishments. I am measuring my "success?" with MM by how many milestones I get to share with my boys.
I am holding out for them to become men. After that its ALL gravy!
Keep on going. You too can see your daughter grow into a woman! Seems like a great goal to me.
Much Aloha
Tom
Happy Birthday Karen! Here's to many more! Pre-diagnosis, like most others, I hated getting older. Now, it's an absolute privilege and I'm grateful for each birthday. I was 42 on diagnosis, just over 4 years ago. I'm looking forward to reaching 50 - that will be some party!!!!! X
Congrats, Karen, or should I say "Kiddo"? A Wonderful column, and a life worth emulating.
Happy birthday Karen. What a wonderful feeling it must be to be able to celebrate your 40th. I am so happy for you, your daughter and your husband. May life bring you much more to celebrate with all your loved ones. Your are still a puppy yourself. Here is to a prolonged life. Cheers.
Happy 40th! Party on! Enjoy every day with your family. Thanks for sharing with us "oldsters" and reminding us about really celebrating life.
Wonderful article. You have a very creative and inspiring way of writing. Happy Birthday! Many More !!!!
Happy Birthday!!!
Happy birthday and best wishes for the next 40!!
Happy Birthday, Karen, and many many more! Love the article. I, too, have MM for five years now. I'm going on 59 and the thing I want most out of life is to watch my two children and three grandchild grow!
Happy birthday. Amazing article..
I am so happy for you. I love hearing positive stories. I am 44 and was diagnosed in September 2015. It's all so new for me, I worry everyday, but it's getting better. I just went through a stem cell transplant a couple of days ago. I'm looking forward to many more years like you with my children.
Happy 40th and here's to your 50th! Hope you had a great big party. I was diagnosed at 54 and I will be 60 next year! I work towards my 70's and maybe even my 80's? Who knows? I don't worry about it much – never did. I just enjoy each today that I get. Thank you for another great column.
Michelle - just find at least one beautiful thing each day. Like today, I was in the treatment room, and the sun came out from behind the clouds (it is Oregon, after all) and shown on the new green leaves – just beautiful and warm!
You will be surprised and amazed at how strong you really are ...
Happy birthday Karen. At 40, you are young and beautiful! In Italy, when someone has a birthday, we say "100 of these days!" meaning that we wish that person to live 100 more years. Now, let us not overdo, how about 60-70 in your case? How about they find a cure soon and we will all grow old? Let us hope so!
I turned 60 last September, and I could feel that my relatives and my friends perceived my getting there as an especially important achievement. Their presents were unusually expensive, for instance!
For me, however, it is more important to make it to the month of May every year, because I have a fixation with fireflies (or lightning bugs), and when they arrive, my heart fills with joy. Almost every night I step out, or I go to some meadows or woods where I know I will see lots, I sit on the ground or on a stone, and I meditate. They give a sense of space and depth to places, even when it is dark. They make the wood or the field come to life. They are the ”genius loci”, the personification of a place. They mark the exact moment in which the day become night. When nature calls, they all rise from the ground and start the search for a mate, to continue their species, in a way which is as artistic as a ballet. Seen from a distance, they remind of the lights on a Christmas tree. Mysterious things they are; I can’t stop being fascinated. In a few days I will encounter them again, and I am very thankful to have made it one more time!
Congrats Karen.
I was diagnosed last May 8th (funny how you remember some dates huh?) and turned 55 on May 1 last week. Been through induction, stem cell, and now am on Revlimid maintenance. Here's to many many more for both of us.
Congratulations, Karen. What good tidings! I was in the usual age group associated with MM diagnoses. I am always glad to hear good stories of our "youngsters" who are also doing well. New drugs and combinations have changed the former picture of myeloma.