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Letters From Cancerland: Getting My Affairs In Order

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Published: Feb 17, 2015 2:24 pm

Let me start with a disclaimer. Nothing in this month’s column is meant to be perceived or taken as legal advice. If, after reading this column, you have ideas about estate planning, please consult with an attorney of your choice in the state in which you reside.

On my recent trip to Oregon, while 30,000 feet up in the air, it occurred to me that I had last updated my will in 2005, prior to my marriage. It also occurred to me that I have a term life insurance policy (still good for a few more years) in which my husband is not even listed because he wasn’t my husband when I last up­dated the beneficiaries.

I have an awful lot of loose ends for someone who used to advise clients on the importance of good estate planning.

I hate the cliché that, when a person gets a terminal diagnosis, the doctor in the movie says, solemnly, “Go home and put your affairs in order.” (Maybe they say that in real life too; I know mine do not.) The trans­la­tion of that grim phrase is “Hey, you’re dying soon, so make sure your paperwork is up to date and your spouse knows where you keep the lockbox key.”

Many of us with multiple myeloma are not told to do this, at least not initially, because we are often prescribed treatment that, if we respond well, gives us additional time. So, instead of going home and putting our affairs in order, we go home and plant a garden, repaint the living room, or plan a trip instead. Not that there is anything wrong with any of those activities, but we still need to be a little more conscientious about putting our affairs in order. Life is uncertain enough as it is. Cars wreck, hearts implode, planes go down. Myeloma is just another one of those end-of-life cards.

So go home and put your affairs in order, if you haven’t already. Here are some things to consider:

  1. Make a will. Period. If you have already made a will, review it from time to time to make sure it still does what you want it to do.
  2. Talk to your bank about setting up accounts to pass on automatically after your death to the person you designate.
  3. Sign a Living Will and a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care (which is what we call them in Ohio). Just do it. These are documents in which you designate who may make medical decisions for you, including end-of-life decisions, if you are unable to, and make clear your wishes regarding end-of-life treatment (no heroic measures, please).
  4. Haul out the life insurance policies, retirement plans, and anything else with named beneficiaries. Read them over. Children grow up, beneficiaries die before you do, life happens.
  5. Do not, do not, do not make your own will by downloading a form from the Internet or buying a kit at a bookstore. Don’t borrow your neighbor’s will to make up your own. Those can all be good starting points about what your plans may be, but consult with an attorney and have your ideas converted into a will and estate plan that is legal in your state.

Here is a true story of what can happen on the do-it-yourself route. Many years ago, my grandparents had a family member, not a lawyer, draw up a joint will (one will for both of them) because they didn’t want to spend money on an attorney. It was pretty basic: the first one to die left everything to the other, the second one to die left everything equally to their two adult children.

Pretty plain vanilla, as wills go. What could go wrong?

Plenty, as everyone found out when my grandmother died. The family member had my grandparents sign in the witness lines and then signed and notarized the will on the signature lines for my grandparents. In Ohio, each will needs two witnesses. And notarizing a will means nothing.

The end result was that the will was useless. Grandma died without a will, which meant her adult children had rights to her estate as well. They waived that right, but there was a lot of unnecessary paperwork as a result of the mess. My grandpa was angry and blamed the “blankety blank courts.” My dad took grandpa to an attorney for a proper will immediately. When grandpa died several years later, there was no confusion.

Just one last comment: Do what’s right for you. Estate planning should never be set in concrete. Life changes, your ideas and dreams change, family members change. Your goal is to satisfy yourself that your assets, be they dollars, family heirlooms, or just stuff, go to those you want to have them. Most states have statutes that limit disinheriting a spouse; I am not talking about that. But other than your spouse, most states recognize that you can leave your assets to whomever or whatever you want. No one has a “right” to an inheritance. A good lawyer can help make your estate as simple and easy to pass on, sometimes without any probate process, as possible.

Not many admit to enjoying sitting with an attorney and making or reviewing estate planning. People put it off because it means facing the fact that death is always out there. For me, the tradeoff for peace of mind, know­ing that it is done, makes up for that. It beats wondering about that insurance policy mid-flight to Oregon.

So go home and get your affairs in order. I’m already working on mine.

April Nelson is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of her previously published columns here.

If you are interested in writing a regular column for The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .

Photo of April Nelson, monthly columnist at The Myeloma Beacon.
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6 Comments »

  • Tabitha said:

    April, you bring good advice for us all. Life happens, regardless of health concerns, and the last thing that anyone wants to leave is a mess for their relatives to sort out. Hopefully, none of us will have any need of it for a long, long time. Wishing you lots of good health!

  • Rneb said:

    I would add : a laundry list ( for personal property ) and your obit.
    Did mine in the first 6 months after Dx.

    Good advice, April.

  • Joyce E. said:

    April, I agree with you completely. For several years before my husband died, we had a will and it made it considerably easier to take care of things. I make sure my will is up to date and give copies to my children on the advice of my lawyer. We have discussions about all kinds of things that may happen, especially since I have mm. They do not like to hear these things, but it is necessary.

  • Nancy Shamanna said:

    Thanks, April, for the timely column. Another thing is to make sure that both of us know the passwords to any accounts, and to have joint bank accounts when possible. A surviving spouse needs to have access to banking. Another problem one might have is if utilities, etc., are just in one person's name. One needs to give one's spouse the 'permission' to speak to reps from the phone company, the utility companies, etc. I think that this applies to either spouse, actually. I have heard that it takes months to settle an estate, so it's best to try to have everything transferable between spouses or partners, without having to go through a legal process first.

  • Ron Harvot said:

    April,

    I went through the same thought process a few months ago and updated my will, had a living will made, updated all of the beneficiaries on life insurance and retirement plans, etc.

    I was a practicing lawyer in Ohio for 10 years, then went in house as a tax attorney. I have worked for major corporations in house for the past 25 years. I drew up my will while I was practicing law in Ohio and before the last of my 4 children was born. I really procrastinated, as they are all over the age of 25 now!! So embarrassing! Texas, where I now live, requires two witnesses and the signatures to be notarized.

    Amazing how things are different from state to state.

    Ron

  • Acarroll said:

    Great article and informative. For me @ 65 years old, I call it "recognizing what time of the day it is"! My father and I suffer from the same fate, we think that we are going to live forever regardless of health problems.