Myeloma Mom: Eat The Fudge
Shortly before Thanksgiving, I started seeing my Facebook news feed fill up with articles about how to make healthy food choices during the holiday season. How to avoid weight gain. Why cookies will kill you, and why you need to step away from the eggnog and head to the gym.
I started seeing friends complain about the size of their thighs. They revealed the crushing guilt they feel from having that extra serving of mashed potatoes. They acknowledged that they’re suffering emotional damage from taste-testing the sugar-cookie dough.
And I say: Enough. Stop the guilt. Eat some fudge and feel happy about it.
I do try to eat mostly healthy foods most of the time, and I try to get in some exercise every day because I enjoy it. Am I a size 6? No. Am I healthy? Other than the myeloma, yes. It’s all about balance. Why not have a treat during the holidays? During the Christmas season, fudge brings me joy.
My own December tradition is to place an online order with a shop on Mackinac Island, Michigan, a place famous for its fudge. This year’s box arrived just a few days ago with five varieties of fudge: Chocolate, chocolate peanut butter, chocolate cookie crunch, chocolate walnut, and rocky road.
I remove just one flavor at a time, and store the rest in the freezer until I’m ready for it. Then I slowly nibble away at my fudge, savoring each bite, like Charlie Bucket in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I manage to share some of the fudge with my family, of course. I even have fudge orders shipped to friends in other parts of the country, because what is better than the gift of fudge? Um, nothing.
Is my yearly fudge habit going to make my thighs smaller? No. Is it going to be endorsed by the healthy-eating articles on Facebook? No. Is it going to bring me happiness? Heck, yeah.
And that’s the important thing here. After I was diagnosed with smoldering myeloma in 2005, I started realizing what is worth worrying about and what’s not.
When my time comes – hopefully not for a long time – nobody is going to be standing over my grave, shaking his or her head sadly about the fact that I could never fit into a size 6.
MOURNER NUMBER ONE: I know she was a great wife, a wonderful mother, and a good friend who helped others, but it’s just terrible that she could never fit into skinny jeans.
MOURNER NUMBER TWO: Such a shame. Then her life would have had some meaning.
See? That will never happen! Once I realized this, I started giving other things the “standing over my grave” test. For example, will this scenario ever happen?
MOURNER NUMBER ONE: I hear she was funny, smart, and kind to animals. It’s just too bad her house wasn’t a little cleaner.
MOURNER NUMBER TWO: I heard she once put off vacuuming for a few days.
MOURNER NUMBER ONE: Wow. Such a terrible legacy to leave.
Try your own imaginary graveside test. It’s freeing. Once you’re gone, will anyone be shaking their head about the fact that you – to pick a completely random example that has never happened to me – procrastinated writing a column about myeloma because you couldn’t stop watching the Tori Spelling reality show? No! Nobody will care! Isn’t that awesome?
Will your obituary tell the story of how you once wore your workout pants inside out and didn’t notice until you’d returned home from the gym as well as several errands? Never!
Will your eulogy outline the time you – as a grown woman – secretly purchased the New Kids on the Block Christmas CD (containing the song “Funky, Funky Christmas”), put it in your own stocking and then acted all surprised on Christmas morning, like, “Wow, thanks, Santa! I never would have gone out and purchased this on my own!”
OK, maybe, but just to illustrate how charming you were.
And you come to realize that what folks will talk about over your grave are the big things: The fact that you always made time for your children and loved ones, that you treated them with kindness and understanding, and that you shared your fudge. That’s what matters.
Do you have your own personal fudge? Something that is “wrong” but brings you joy? Go do it, and do it now. And share it.
And have a funky, funky Christmas.
Karen Crowley is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of her columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column for The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
My tradition (or weakness) is Walker's Quadruple Chocolate Chunk Cookies. There are only made and shipped in the cooler months. I order a case and allow myself one box a month. With all the other things that go on in our Myeloma existence and occasional indulgence is justified. I may have to add Mackinac fudge to my treat list, it is the great.
Thanks for the column, Karen! Have you ever tried Camino, Fair Trade Equitable, Original dark hot Chocolate? It is the best hot chocolate powder I have found yet..it's delicious and I buy it usually at Ten Thousand Villages. That store features crafts and food from around the world, made in Fair Trade communities. I drink hot chocolate all year round here, since it can be chilly sometimes even in the summer months. This wouldn't work for anyone on a sugar free diet though, since it does contain sugar.
Karen, great column. I miss reading your blog, so this was great! I'm glad I'm not the only one eating the fun stuff, enjoying life, and occasionally thinking about my funeral! I would love for people to say I "seized the day" "enjoyed life to the fullest" and all of those other clichés! Merry Christmas!
Karen, you made me smile - a lot!! I shall eat the gifts of candies, cheese tarts, and cherry squares that my wonderful friends have made for me and my husband, with no guilt ... because anyone dealing with an incurable disease should be able to enjoy some luxuries of their choosing. (And I chose chocolate!!)
Love your writing style - thank you
The myeloma diagnosis changes everything, especially how we prioritize ... for me, just about everything! The "fudge" is a great metaphor, Karen. Embrace the stuff of life that brings joy. Isn't it amazing how simplified it all becomes? Eat your fudge and relish the stuff of life that makes you feel good! Happy holidays and fudge it up!!
Karen, I just loved your column about fudge. I couldn't agree with you more. There are things in life we just should not have to put away forever and I believe such is probably one of them. Although sugar is not something myeloma patients should have, I do indulge on occasion, and that does make me happy. I hope you are still smoldering as I am since 2008. I wish you well and hope you smolder on for many years to come and I hope you're feeling well. Happy healthy New Year.
Katy
Please tell me how you are doing.
You are right, at our funerals, nobody will mention fitting into jeans or issues which are secondary to the way a person is. At my funeral, no one will say "Nice person, but really, she could have made an effort to be more punctual! One time she was twenty minutes late at choir rehearsal, I mean, twenty minutes! Wonder if she was late in getting into Heaven, and said to St. Peter "Oh, sorry, a lot of traffic in Rome today, a bus strike, two demonstrations, and the papal audience at the Vatican ... not my fault, really!"
Let us accept ourselves with our limits. Our life has been changed for good, and we are charged with an underlying worry. Let us try to take it as easy as we can!
I have been making my Great-Grandma's fudge almost every year since I was 16 (that's 25 years, in case you're wondering). I share it with my coworkers (folks start asking in November if I'm going to make it soon), friends and family, and I eat it myself. Absolutely worth it.