Pat’s Place: Myeloma Counseling Helps Me See The Light
Earlier this year, I realized that I might need some emotional help. No matter how determined I am to stay hopeful and positive, living with multiple myeloma and being surrounded by my fellow myeloma patients, some of whom are seriously ill, can take its toll.
Many Americans are reluctant to seek professional help. Working with a psychologist or psychiatrist is often stigmatized, and mental health is often misunderstood.
Neither of these was a problem for me. My master’s degree in education included training as an alcohol and drug abuse counselor. One reason I hadn’t pursued that career path was a selfish one: I found it depressing!
But I had sensed that I could use support for quite some time. So why had I waited so long?
For me, the issues were time and finding the right fit. A therapist may work for one person but not the next. Taking the time to try and find the right person – and the time it would take driving too and from appointments and sitting in yet another waiting room – had discouraged me from seeking help.
But no matter how determined I was to stay hopeful and positive, dealing with myeloma 24/7 was taking its toll. I found it was hard enough trying to live with my own cancer, let alone internalizing others’ struggles, too.
But where to begin? I wanted to see someone who specialized in helping those with cancer. So I started with my social worker at Moffitt Cancer Center. I had met with her several times before and after undergoing my stem cell transplant there. Since I live more than an hour away, I hoped she could recommend someone in my area, but no luck. The most experienced cancer therapists are understandably at large cancer centers, so I reluctantly committed to make the drive.
It was a good choice for a variety of reasons. First, I learned in order for insurance to cover the visits, I would need a referral from my myeloma specialist. Second, It didn’t take me long to figure out that I could bundle my visits, scheduling therapy sessions before or after tests or appointments with my myeloma specialist, saving me an extra trip.
I met with my therapist for the first time three months ago. In addition to a private practice focused on helping cancer patients, she has been working with Moffitt for 12 years.
In our introductory meeting, I wanted my therapist to give me some tips for ways to cope while helping other myeloma patients. Instead, she focused on me and my life, before and after my diagnosis.
As rewarding as helping other myeloma patients is for me, do I ever miss my life before cancer? What would I be doing now if I had never been diagnosed? Had my cancer prevented me from doing what I really wanted to do?
Tough questions! Certainly too much to tackle in a one hour session, so she suggested we meet once a month on an ongoing basis.
I finished my third therapy session on Monday. As my therapist and I have gotten to know each other better, I find I’m looking forward to our meetings.
Is it helping? YES! And the funny thing is, I’m not sure why. Although my therapist has revisited the questions she left me with after the first session, it isn’t like she’s systematically worked to help me find the answers. Instead, she has encouraged me to identify a goal – something that has nothing to do with cancer – and make plans to pursue it.
But mostly we just talk, like two friends at the bar would while waiting for a table at their favorite restaurant. But this is so much better! At the end of each session, my therapist reviews important points, echoing my thoughts and helping me resolve things that might be getting in the way.
It may be inconvenient, or insurance may not pay the entire bill. But I can highly recommend seeking professional help to my fellow myeloma patients and caregivers. Being diagnosed – and living – with multiple myeloma is psychologically and emotionally difficult. The anxiety most of us feel before learning the results of each of our blood tests is enough to jolt a screw loose now and then. Knowing now how beneficial counseling is, I should have done this a long time ago.
Feel good and keep smiling!
Pat Killingsworth is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of all his columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column for The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
Great column, Pat. I have to say, as you indicated, waiting for periodic test results can make one bonkers. I will never get used to it and I hate that feeling of being in limbo.
Absolutely, Terry! And I didn't even get into support for our caregivers and possibly even marriage counseling if necessary. This can be so tough on our spouses!
Thank you for opening up another rather taboo subject Pat. I always consider it a sign of courage and strength, not weakness, when counseling is sought by individuals or couples. Those dealing with cancer have much to benefit. In my case, Jungian psychotherapy and spiritual response therapy were useful, but there are many other options.
Some way to access our subconscious helps in pointing our lives in the right direction, leading to acceptance and peace. Contemplative prayer, emotional freedom technique, and hypnotherapy (or guided imagery) are other options I have explored, with good results.
Best wishes, Jan
Pat, you are so right! As a caregiver, I sought counseling several months after my husband was diagnosed. I was taking a nose-dive and I knew it. My counselor didn't really "do" much but listen, but I took advantage of the time and spilled my guts about everything I was feeling and going through. That helped. He knew what I was going through as he had lost both of his wives to cancer. As time went on, I was better able to deal with things and only occasionally went to a session. There is a saying that goes something like - share your burdens and it cuts them in half, share your joy and it doubles it. Counseling releases some of your emotional burden and is definitely worth doing when going through the emotional roller coaster of cancer and the treatments for it.
HI Pat, I think you may have been experiencing what is called 'burn out', which affects medical professionals, patients, caregivers and all who deal with difficult, sad issues day after day. One always needs to be able to step back and take care of oneself, that is not selfish at all, just sensible! i have needed psychological help too, for a post natal depression which was severe, 30 years ago! Having myeloma was actually not the worst health experience I had ever had. I did get some guidance for the depression from the medical community, but also getting more rest helped, since I had gotten into a situation of sleep deprivation. However, I am protective of my mental peace since I can't be of any help to others if I don't look after myself and my family first! Hope that resonates with you too.
Hi Pat,
Through counselling (includiing spiritual counseling)I grieved the life I was supposed to have (the before cancer path) and was able to figure out a meaningful life on this new "path" or journey, or whatever you refer to cancer as. It's still sh--ty and I have some bad days where I'm super bitter about all that myeloma has stolen from me (career, a family, etc), but I have to let myself feel that to move forward with my life.
Pat, you have opened a door to a new conversation to share with us, and I thank you. You said, "she has encouraged me to identify a goal – something that has nothing to do with cancer – and make plans to pursue it." This is just terrific! I read somewhere long ago that it is all living except one day. I have been distracted and upset recently because I am back on chemo (low dose Revlimid), but I am working at getting my equilibrium back and getting on with my living.
Your article helps me regain my focus and I appreciate that very much.
Pat, great to hear you've begun taking some time for Pat. I think we all need to take the time to reflect on our emotional well-being, on a daily basis!
Now, I'm sure for a type A personality (not to name names or anything) it can be almost frightening to let go of the day-to-day "busyness" that serves so well to distract, to allow us to avoid taking the time to contemplate our inner thoughts and feelings. But once we begin a "self-explorative" process/therapy (and as Jan said, there are many) folks often will describe it as the release of a clinched fist they didn't even know was clinched.
But like any health regimen, it takes time and dedication to reach a place where we can completly integrate those practices with our daily schedule. My experience has been, having begun the practices of meditation and yoga nearly 45 years ago, that it's a lifelong endeavor of observing one's own emotional dynamics as they evolve and get "jolted" as you put it....it seems to me we never actually ARRIVE.
But what's that you say? You've already been through that grieving process...that you're done that work already and don't need to re-visit all that stuff again?
Well, we've all heard that popular admonishment about how if you want to make God laugh then tell Him about your plans. I think it's a little like that with our subconcious minds...tell ourselves we've finished processing our various pain and losses and guess what will be bubbling up from "down there" when we least expect it? 
Very pleased you posted this article, Pat.
Go get 'em Wisconsin!
The one big take away I honed in on was the following:
"Instead, she has encouraged me to identify a goal – something that has nothing to do with cancer – and make plans to pursue it."
My goals revolve around my biking, which I have pursued with a passion.
When pursuing those goals I don't even think about my MM. I know it limits me in how far I can go but I push back at it.
I think that is going to be more difficult for you since MM has really become your "professional" life as well as being a patient. I could not do what you do but am grateful you do it, if that makes any sense.
Ron
I want to thank all of my readers that commented here in a show of support. I hate to admit it, but often the comments are more interesting and valuable than the column!
Pat as always I love reading your stories. I do understand about how talking to someone could help. I find myself not talking to the people close to me as if I am trying to spare them when on the inside I just want them to understand. I pray a lot and I trust in God. I never learned to swim and was deathly afraid of water but now I started water aerobics and my body fells so good after I get out. I go everyday unless I have a Drs appt. I have now learned to float!!! My goal is to learn how to swim. When I am in the pool everything goes away and I just concentrate on the feeling of the water. Keep writing , it helps me to smile.
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