Northern Lights: Keeping On An Even Keel
When I was a young girl, I learned how to sail a small sailboat with just a mainsail and a jib during summer classes on the water reservoir in Calgary. Later on I sailed near our home on the coast of British Columbia.
Sailing is an exercise in balance, since you have to catch the wind for forward motion, but you also have to release the tension on the sails if a really strong gust of wind threatens to capsize the boat.
We used the expression ‘keeping on an even keel,’ which meant to keep the boat from ‘keeling over,’ or capsizing. The keel is the main structure that gives strength to the sailboat, and it is at the centre of the hull, under the water.
Some of my childhood sailing memories came back to my mind during my early stages of multiple myeloma four years ago. I was trying to sail through, or at least avoid capsizing, through the sea of current events, all the while trying to steer a course towards good health. The expression ‘keeping on an even keel’ was often on my mind during that time.
I think I came close to capsizing, or even sinking. I was sick, disoriented, in pain, and driven slightly mad by strong medications. I felt as though I was being dragged along behind a boat, just wearing a life jacket and clutching onto a rope attached to the craft.
That autumn was particularly rough for a number of reasons. I not only had to cope with my own cancer diagnosis and early treatments, but I also learned that a few friends were also struggling with illness.
A younger friend and neighbor of mine, who was in top shape physically, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at the same time I received my myeloma diagnosis. She did not survive even a year, which was a huge shock to all of us who knew her. I always thought that somehow she could pull through, since she was so strong and had a great attitude.
Another woman I knew fell into a coma from the H1N1 virus, which was causing an epidemic that winter. She did not survive either. In addition, one of my husband’s colleagues, who was a long-distance runner, had a sudden heart attack, collapsed, and died.
It was a time of mourning for us.
Even though I was very uncertain and fearful of the future that fall, I did manage to sail through those very rough seas into an ocean of relative calm, where I am now. Some of the things that helped me to cope were the love and affection of family and friends, music, reading, and walking.
I took a year off from my usual activities since I was quite badly injured with vertebral fractures and also was taking induction chemo and having a stem cell transplant. The medical treatments involved such strong chemotherapies that I just couldn’t keep up the connections to my community that I usually have.
At that time, my family and friends really rallied around me, and I had many nice visits with them. I was showered with cards, flowers, and even two prayer shawls. People I had not seen for a while came out of the woodwork to wish me well, as did my close friends and family.
Music helped me tremendously in getting through the difficult times during my first year of treatment. I have always loved music, and I have played in a pipe band during my childhood and also for more than 15 years as an adult. I have taken piano and voice lessons and I have sung in a choir since 2001. So, for me, it is normal to put on my ear buds and listen to a really wide variety of music.
Right after my fractures, while in such pain that I could not move without causing problems, the song ‘Twist and Shout’ by the Beatles popped into my mind. That was like a breath of fresh air, and I at least could smile again.
Later, while undergoing Velcade (bortezomib) infusions on Tuesday afternoons, of course the song ‘Tuesday Afternoon’ by the Moody Blues ran through my mind. It seemed very appropriate then.
When I was out walking, I would hum bagpipe tunes such as ‘Scotland the Brave’ and ‘The Green Hills of Tyrol.’ Pipe music is so martial that it just made me feel as if I was a soldier in my own battle against cancer. It also helped me to face the fear I felt.
Other music that I could relate to at the time was the rock music of Queen. Freddie Mercury hit it right on with his compositions. As a man struggling with HIV/AIDS, he created anthems, such as ‘Who Wants to Live Forever’ or ‘The Show Must Go On,’ which inspired me because they gave me mental strength to combat my illness.
When I needed comfort, I retreated into the world of folk. I have always really liked the music of Joni Mitchell, Judy Collins and Joan Baez.
Another thing that helped me get through my first year after diagnosis was reading. I am a voracious reader and always have several books stacked up with bookmarks holding my place in them.
As I underwent induction therapy with Velcade and dexamethasone (Decadron), I was reading a book about goddesses. My mind was getting a little bent from the dex, and I took a chapter about the ancient goddesses Minerva (Greek) and Athena (Roman) really to heart. The two goddesses were patrons of the arts, music, and medicine - a perfect combination of qualities, I felt. The symbol for Athena was the owl. Since we hear owls hooting atop spruce and fir trees here, I put an ornament of an owl in my garden. When I look at it now, four years later, I just smile to myself about how bent my thinking was at that time. I still respect owls a lot, though!
Fortunately the year of sailing out on a really rough ocean, without a compass or a GPS, came to a close, and my little boat has been righted again. The good treatments that I received from our medical community restored my health, and I was able to get back to the activities that I really enjoy, such as singing in a choir, being part of the needlework guild, and exercising outdoors and at the gym.
I will never forget that year though. The experience keeps me on my toes, always with an eye on the weather. Please, may we just have a gentle breeze and not a hurricane as we navigate the waters of being a myeloma patient.
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The quotation for this month is an excerpt from the prose poem 'Desiderata' by the American writer, poet, and attorney Max Ehrmann (1872 - 1945): "Do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself."
Nancy Shamanna is a multiple myeloma patient and a columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of her columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column to be published by The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
Thanks for your column...great food for thought. I love your quotation from Desiderata....I have a copy in my wallet and on the wall of my office. Each line has something for everyone. I love it. Thanks, Nancy. Terry L.
Thanks Terry! I always enjoy reading your posts, and as you have been a pioneer of the new drug carfilzomib, wish you many years of 'smooth sailing' with that too! We really are into uncharted waters with myeloma, but I just hope that treatments continue to improve for everyone.
Enjoyed your column very much, Nancy! Sailing is a perfect metaphor for myeloma. I remember watching Les Mis on t.v. right after my stem cell transplant. I was distracted and inspired by the beautiful music. Hugs, Sue
Thanks Sue…I also really enjoyed the music of Les Mis. Especially the lines in 'On My Own'…
'In the rain, the pavement shines like silver,
All the lights are misty in the river.
In the darkness, the trees are full starlight…'
of course, it's snowing now, and it's frosty on the river, but those lines did remind me of home. Hope you are well!
What struck me too was how society has changed and improved since the 1830's! The story was set in France, but could apply to anywhere at that time in history.
What a beautiful and thoughtful column! I listen to a lot of Beatles music and it makes me smile. I also listen to songs that make me weep! My favorite positive thinking fiction is the #1 Ladies Detective Agency series by Alexander McCall Smith. I just got the new one and will read it tomorrow during. Books and music have been a lifeline- even thought they aren't "people"coming to visit us, they represent and connect us to the human experience.
We may have myeloma, but we are still living that experience.
Thanks, Nancy!
Cathy S
I'm getting ready to embark on the first year of my journey. I am happy to hear there will be a point in my life when I can move past this difficult time ahead. I already turn to music to help my restless mind. I still have chemo, a transplant, and possibly a second transplant ahead. I will do my best to keep an even keel.
Cheers,
Kim Nelson
Nancy I can also relate to your article during my induction therapy with vecade and dex infusion it caused peripheral neuropathy and there were two gospel songs that helped me through the pain and they were Never would have made it, by Marvin Sapp and Blessed and highly favored by the Clark sisters. I listened to those songs over and over and had faith that God would pull me through. And in time he did. Those songs became my anthem, and I was able to face the day again. I hope everyone will stay well, and blessed.
Cathy, thanks! I agree that books and music are so important. I have read a few of Alexander McCall Smith's books also and enjoyed them. He is such a good philosophical writer…Precious Ramotswe of the #1 detective agency in Botswana is a neat fictional character who will not soon be forgotten! There was another series set in Scotland, with an Isabelle as the detective..like mysteries actually. I have been a fan of the Beatles since a teen, since that is when they first came on the scene, and I am sort of amazed as to how enduring their music has been.
Hi Kim, I do hope you can keep on an even keel too. Good that you have found the Beacon, for there are forums too where you can get information, as well as the scientific articles here (and columnists). If I had been aware of all of this informative discussion, I might not have been as scared as I was for the first while.
Brenda, I listened to the gospel songs you like on Youtube and those singers are just so strong and powerful that they would cheer anyone up, and inspire them. Thanks for sharing them here.
Hi Nancy, thank you for a beautiful column, including the healing power of sailing and music. My IPad was much appreciated in my 18 day hospitalization for the stem cell transplant last year. I put up a sign "Jan's Hermitage" on the door of my room, and played Pandora selections and my own favorites. Van Morrison, the Irish mystic, is a favorite of mine. I will get to see him next week in San Francisco with my son, who just moved there with his newlywed bride.
I also have a play list for one of my daughters, who is getting married in January in Revelstoke BC. Maybe I'm dating myself, but the music of the 60´s to 80´s is so powerful compared to today's hits! Of course, classical music and jazz is very healing as well. And my twin daughters ( the other in Canmore) have turned me on to Canadiana folk music, like Stan Rogers and contemporary bands, like Paper Boys and the Brakemen. As Van signs on his latest, Open the Door to your Heart, Open the Door to your Soul! Best wishes, Jan
Nice column. I agree with you on how helpful music is while dealing with the various complications of myeloma. When I was in the hospital for my stem cell transplant, the most important thing I brought with me was my iPod and the docking station with the stereo speakers that I used to play it on. Without that, my choices would have been either keeping the TV on, with it's horrible little speaker and awful programming, or a lot of silence. As it was, my room was always filled with my music. There were times when I was literally dancing around the room with my IV stand.
Nancy, Czech out the most famous Czech song, "Roll Out the Barrels"! It would be a happy song for your choir.
Thanks Mike…the medical staff must have been pleased to see you dancing about your room with the IV stand!! Good you had your favourite music with you, 'docked' alongside, as if it were a ship of dream music. Hope you are doing well.
Hi Jan, I think you are more up on the latest Canadian folk music than I am! Stan Rogers was such a great musician, and the 'Northwest Passage' and 'Rolling Down to Old Maui' are sailing songs, of sorts. I guess it is the music that one grows up with that stays with one the most, unless one makes a really good effort to learn all the latest music too. The choir I sing with is the 'Calgary Multicultural Choir'. We sing songs from all different countries and in different languages too. Don't think we have had a Czechoslovakian song yet though! We are busy practising for our seasonal concerts…all ten of them.
As far as my old favourites, I know I am stuck in a 'time warp' many days! Enjoy the concert of Van Morrison…his old hit 'Brown Eyed Girl' is played just about every time we go out to an event where there is dancing. Enjoy your time with your family!
Jan, This season we actually ARE doing that song, or at least the melody line. CZECH out
'We Need a Little Christmas'… (from the musical 'Mame'..Music and Lyrics by Jerry Herman)
The opening lines are to the tune of 'Roll out the Barrels'
'Haul out the holly, put up the tree before my spirit falls again,
Fill up the stocking, I may be rushing things, but
Deck the halls again now.
For we need a little Christmas, right this very minute….'
It's a lovely song and I always enjoy singing it (in English, though!)
Sailing is indeed a metaphor of the human spirit to cope with change. You never rest at the helm, but always are completely "in the moment" of life itself! Great way to embrace, now! I make adjustments and must live in the moment, if I get too far ahead of myself I may over-correct or under-correct! Loved your column, keep sailing!
Thanks Kathym, Sailing along through light breezes and storms is what we need to do now! There is a blizzard here today, with a really strong wind! Not a 'sailing' sort of day! Take good care of yourself!
Hi Nancy another lovely column. One song that comes to mind is (I think the title is) Don't rock the boat. If you don't mind a bit of opera (not my normal music) my sister sent me a link of a 9 year old singing opera http://www.flixxy.com/9-year-old-girl-sings-opera-on-hollands-got-talent.htm -she has such a wonderful voice. Its simply beautiful.
All the best,
Libby
Thanks Libby for the link of the young girl singing 'O mil babbino caro' by Puccini. She has an astonishing voice and I hope that she can take good care of it and become a professional singer, if that is what she wants to do. We attend the Calgary Opera here, since my husband loves classical music, and I love singing. last weekend it was 'An Italian Girl in Algiers', a comedy by Rossini. The mezzo soprano part in that opera is beautiful and inspiring. We have seats way in the back of a balcony, near the exit, where there is the most fresh air. We don't like it when people are sneezing around us at all!
On our recent trip to Sydney, we attended a performance of the symphony at the Sydney Opera House. I have never been in such a beautiful symphony hall, and the performance was great too, the Lebeque sisters from France on piano duet, doing Latin modern selections with the Sydney symphony. Awesome! It happened to be the 40th anniversary of the opening of the Opera House and there were many celebrations going on in that area.
We are fortunate to have family in AU, and it was great to visit there again. We were last there in 2001. I am sorry we weren't anywhere near where you live, since it would be nice to meet you in person. AND I never saw so many beautiful sailboats in my life as in all the arms of Sydney Harbour!!
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