Sean’s Burgundy Thread: Happiness In A Word
As I entered the waiting room at the Bone Marrow Biopsy clinic and plunked myself down in the only available chair, the animated conversation was soon directed at me.
The woman apparently leading the discussion peered at me over the reading half-glasses perched on her nose, leaned forward, and brusquely uttered:
“Answer this for us. Can a person be ‘happy’ with multiple myeloma? Well?”
The now silent strangers looked my way as the ceiling lights seemed to grow hotter and brighter and focused more intensely on my seat alone.
It was a simple enough question, but it felt like I was somehow being pulled into a trap.
With no clear-cut path to an easy escape or no summons to the paradoxical safety of my bone marrow biopsy, I looked directly at my interrogator and swallowed hard.
It felt like I was in a spaghetti western movie. First an extreme close-up of my eyes, a quick-cut to her black as coal eyes, and then back to my eyes, wide with fear. I even thought that I could hear the haunting melody from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly underscoring the action. (oo-ee-oo-ee-oooo ...wah-wah-wah)
Over her shoulder, I could clearly see the relief on the face of the previous suspect who was no longer being scrutinized. Out of the spotlight, he mopped at the beads of sweat that lingered on his forehead. We locked eyes for a brief second, and I think that he mouthed, ‘Run away,’ but I could’ve been mistaken.
I’ll admit that my first thought, aside from bolting for the door, was to answer her question like this:
‘Heck no, I’m not happy with myeloma. In fact, I am quite dissatisfied. I find it cruel and entirely ill behaved. I want my money back!’
Assuming that any attempt at smart-alecky humor on my part would most likely result in more trouble than it was worth for a couple of gratuitous yucks, I... well... I gave her The Finger.
No, not that finger! Shame on you! Tee hee!
Instead, I swallowed the bait and attempted to answer her curious question.
I said, “Yes, a person, despite having myeloma, can find some peace and happiness.”
Out if the blue she interjected, “You’re not one of those religious fanatics, are you?”
Oh, that’s her game. I happily plowed onward.
I replied, “Religious? Hmmm. That label could mean so many things. My formula for happiness is simple and easy to remember. I call it The Finger. Would you like me to give you what I call The Finger?”
At that, a guy a few chairs down from me burst out laughing, and I almost did the same. Catching myself, I winked at him, and proceeded to present my impromptu happiness infomercial.
I told her that there is a brain exercise that I do with various kinds of groups or teams whereby I ask them to use the word ‘finger’ as an acronym for six traits that might help them to solve a particular problem or to achieve a desired goal or look at a situation with a different perspective.
Using the six letters in the word ‘finger,’ I had come up with words that helped me stay balanced and reasonably happy throughout my nearly-five-year, back-and-forth volley against myeloma.
Although I was not exactly sure that she wanted me to elaborate, I proceeded:
“Now there are many ‘f’ words from which to choose, for example ‘family’ or ‘friendship,’ but sitting in a bone marrow clinic my favorite ‘f’ word is ‘fentanyl.’
A couple of people laughed, proving that someone was listening to me. She, however, was not among those chuckling.
“Just kidding - my ‘f’ word is ‘faith.’ My personal faith and belief system has been a keystone to my ability to successfully take on myeloma.”
“I knew it!” she exclaimed, as if she had uncovered a secret plot to upset the balance of happiness in the myeloma world.
I do encourage patients not to be afraid to embrace spirituality as they see fit. Or don’t. Just don’t let anyone bully you one way or another.
I suspected that my new lady friend didn’t subscribe to my chosen ‘f’ word, but when she started to interrupt, her husband, the myeloma patient, gently touched her arm to stave off her objections. Maybe he was interested in hearing my thoughts, even if she wasn’t.
My ‘i’ word is ‘inspiration.’ I have known many courageous folks who have faced chronic illness, loss of all descriptions, victims of crime, prisoners of war, and others who have found happiness even in the darkest of times. A common thread? They think more about others than they do about themselves.
‘Nearness’ is my ‘n’ word. I believe that it is important to keep the people that I love and care about as close as I possibly can. I must not shut them out of my life. It’s sad that many colleagues and acquaintances and some friends will desert you for various reasons during your illness. Those that stay near are more precious than gold and fine jewels.
Feeling and expressing ‘gratitude’ for even the smallest things always helps keep me happier than when I dwell on the lousy things that come down the pike.
A friend of mine proposes the idea that ‘excitement’ is just around the corner. Keep your eyes open; excitement will pop out at you when you least expect it. Be ready! He is a quadriplegic and one of the happiest people I know. I believe what he says because he lives it.
My ‘r’ word is ‘responsibility.’ I am responsible for my own happiness. I am responsible for making choices that contribute to my health. I am responsible for being a good husband and father and friend.
Faith. Inspiration. Nearness. Gratitude. Excitement. Responsibility.
The lady’s husband was called into his biopsy appointment. He walked over, smiled, and shook my hand on the way in. Now that made me happy!
Sean Murray is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of his columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column to be published by The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
Thank you Sean for giving us the meaning of FINGER.
For me, the first 2 letters are the priorities in my life, before and with myeloma.
Faith is the most important component for me, because it sustains me, when I am facing those "David and Goliath" moments.
I am Inspired by my wife's love, determination, constant support. She is my coach, my cheerleader, my best and closest friend.
I agree whole heatedly with the meanings you described for the remaining NGER.
Thank you for sharing your myeloma experiences, we all benefit by seeing ourselves in that waiting room.
Wonderful!!! I can actually hear the score!
I love your columns, Sean! They make my day!! 
Thank you!
Thanks for another great column Sean. I enjoy your blend of humor and inspiration and lok forward to reading your blog.
Thanks Sean for the nice article...I can see why most of the other patients in the waiting room appreciated your warm wit and wisdom!
Thank you for such an uplifting article! And such an easy to use acronym! Will help me as I am in the early months of my myeloma journey.
WOO HOO!! HOME RUN SEAN!!! Did this ever put a big fat smile on my face! I'll surely remember this on mynext BMB appt.!!
Thanks Sean. I really enjoy your columns
Thanks for sharing the finger. Thanks for standing up for your faith in God. I wish you could have seen my face smiling as I was reading your column.
Great article. You have a gift for writing. I must say I can never understand patients/caregivers like the woman you described. At the Hospital/Cancer center you basically run into two groups of people. Either patients/caregivers or the medical personnel that is trying to save the patients life. I do not think either deserves being in the presence of such a negative person. Not everyone is as skilled at handling a person like that as you are!
My husband starts chemo for MM on Monday. Any comments about what the first week was like?
Sean, great article and rich with inspiration!! Grace, good luck on Monday. I know you are both really scared...we were there 3 years ago (Rex survived the chemo and auto transplant). And as of his last appointment in May - still in remission! From Sean's article - F is the most important - Faith - it will sustain you on this journey.
Thank you all for sharing your exceedingly nice comments- I appreciate every one of them!
I could stop here, but that wouldn’t be any fun...
I’ve found that the topic of ‘Faith’, as it relates to fighting a disease like myeloma, can often be a rather hot button issue. Of the many things that we have in common as MM patients and caregivers, faith and personal spiritual beliefs aren’t necessarily shared across the board.
I respect everyone’s right to believe as they will. I am comfortable in my faith and I hope everyone else feels good about what they do or do not believe. I do get some mean spirited and derogatory comments now and again, but they tend to have more to do with differences in philosophy than anything about myeloma. On my detractors, I pass no judgment. To each his own.
Hopping off of my soapbox now. I should say that the thoughts expressed in my articles are mine and don’t reflect an editorial position of the Myeloma Beacon. I appreciate the latitude they give me in sharing my personal perspectives.
I also wanted to share that the event I wrote about in this article happened a year ago and that back in November, at my six month check-up, I ran into the couple again. The husband was cheerful and doing very well and his wife and I shared a greeting, but didn’t have much more to say. I didn’t see them last month when my docs took another look-see at me.
@Grace – I am so sorry to hear that you and your husband have entered into the fray with MM. I’m not avoiding your query, but your question is very difficult to answer because of the wide array of possible variables such as specific diagnosis, age, general health, range of symptoms, the drug regimen being employed, etc. Everyone seems to react somewhat differently.
You may want to share some of your husband's particulars on the Beacon Forum to see if there are other patients with similar profiles going through a comparable experience. Grace, I wish the very best for you both.
Hi Sean,
What a Fantastic Inspirational No nonsense Greatly Entertaining(Educational) Reply you gave. I will certainly be remembering the FINGER in the future. Love reading your columns.
Libby
Sean, and the finger back at you, excellent thought, I've heard it before, maybe you mentioned in an earlier post.
"Answer this for us. Can a person be ‘happy’ with multiple myeloma? Well?”
Did you really answer the question? You certainly handled it more graciously than I. Heck YES you can be happy with multiple myeloma. If you are happy with life then why not be happy with multiple myeloma (or any other ailment) .
I simply think of all the wonderful people that I have met while on this myeloma journey. Recently on a flight back from Florida I sat next to a missionary from Indonesia and when we parted ways in Charlotte, he stated his sorrow that I was going through this journey but my response was that if it weren't for multiple myeloma I would not be on this flight and there forth would never have met him that in turn led to a wonderful two hour conversation.
Today I stop and smell the roses and all the wonders of the world. I only wish that more people would do the same but I certainly don't wish on them an illness in which to do so.
The cheery side of life is more fun.
Update re week 1. My husband 64 started Mon. with VRD + Zometa/bones and Zofran/nausea. TWTh side effects included a variety of minor diarrhea (BRAT diet), 104 fever (probably Zometa), sweats, lingering headache, weariness and much more sleep than normal. FSSun were GREAT days and we traveled to see and tell one child about what's been happening. (An MRI in March for a different reason showed MM..."into stage 2, not quite 3".) Next, traveling this coming weekend to tell our other child. Thankfully, we are totally on board with the F in Finger, and using a devotional Jesus Calling by Sarah Young and Jesus Today re hope by her, also. Highly recommend. Sean, you are HELPING us! Many thanks.
I am hungry for practical ways to help curb possibilities of infections traveling into his system. A sick grocery clerk startled me...touching each thing. Trusting the Lord to get us through whatever comes our way each day and taking responsibility for doing all we can. Proverbs 3:5&6