Pat’s Cracked Cup: One Week At A Time
I began a new practice after my birthday a few months ago. I filled a green bowl with 52 marbles. Each week I move one marble into a smaller white one. Taking a pause each week to reflect is another way to feel the texture of life – another version of “live one day at a time.”
A picture of this smaller bowl is the avatar that shows up by my comments here on The Myeloma Beacon. It is also the inspiration for the title of my column, “Pat’s Cracked Cup,” explained in my first Myeloma Beacon column called “My Experiment.” Looking back at some of my previous columns helps me to notice the process of my changing relationship to multiple myeloma.
One year ago, I wrote “Transplant Birthday.” We mark anniversaries of all kinds as a way to track our experience. I mentioned in that column that one human development theory suggests human beings evolve in 7-year cycles. It can be a fun exercise to break down your own 7-year periods of life to notice the patterns of change.
Those of us who have received stem cell transplants have an opportunity to experience a kind of rebirth as we begin again with our new cells. I am in the second year of my second 7-year-cycle beyond the autologous stem cell transplant.
My first 7-year-cycle after transplantation was one of illness, treatment, recovery, and a gradual re-entry into the world of the well. Despite the tentative quality to my good fortune, I find myself stronger and more relaxed as I move ahead with unexpected wellbeing. I heard the much-anticipated words, “complete remission” seven years ago.
My weekly marble practice is a reminder of the preciousness of the hours, days, and weeks.
I heard a story on the radio about a sixty-something couple in Australia who faced the husband’s terminal cancer diagnosis after the news that he had only weeks left to live. They sold their home and took off on exotic trips and an extravagant spending spree. I can imagine their sense of adventure and completion as they lived large in their so-called final days together.
The big shock arrived when the doctor informed them that there had been a misdiagnosis. The man was not actually dying.
Meanwhile, the pair spent all their money and charged up massive debt in their “seize the day” approach to the first prognosis. A screenplay version of this story is likely already being written, as there is universal humor and meaning to be found in this human tale.
The lessons seem to be: 1) occasionally, misdiagnosis happens; 2) prognosis is a possibility rather than an exact science; 3) living with any diagnosis includes a richness that is unique to the individual.
Living with multiple myeloma has added quality to my life that can be realized one week at a time.
Pat Pendleton is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of her columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column to be published on The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
so true, Pat. glad to read another column of yours. i now keep a notebook of all the little surprises that come each day -- nothing extravagant, just small sighs of thrill, like an orchid plant sprouting a bloom after years of dormancy. i go month to month for a blood test & to hear if Dr. G wants to re-start treatment which i've been off since Dec. so far i am fine, though the myeloma is there but is causing no problems. how can i feel this great? when does the shoe fall? Suzanne
Hi Pat , I really like the 'zen' of your outlook on things. You really know how to savour your time as it unfolds for you too! On the topic of people who receive a really bad prognosis and then go off on extravagant vacations etc., I guess there is always more hope than one might have originally thought, and thus it is wise not to do that, or at least to 'pace' oneself with overspending issues.
Hi Pat,
I have read all of your columns and just wanted to let you know that I'm a huge fan of yours.
In this post, I particularly loved your "bowl of marbles" idea (not that it would work in my household...dominated by five curious kitties!)...
And your reference to the Australian couple also brings up an important point: always get a second, if not third, opinion before doing anything rash...
You always give us food for thought...and peace of mind.
Thank you.
Margaret
So good to hear someone with myeloma speaking about it in positive terms, about how it's changed their life, rather than ruined it. There's no way we can go through all that we go through without being changed, but depending on how we perceive them, these changes can be life-enhancing, exciting and have a heightened sense of reality that I for one appreciate.
I have had some negative reactions to approaching my experience of living with myeloma in this way, from people who see it as a horrible curse. It's good to have the validation your column offers. Thanks!
Pat;
It's always a pleasure to read your unique perspective. Thank you for helping us blend the realities of myeloma with the blessings of living.
I'm a bit confused! Has it been 7 years since your stem cell?! If so that is truly wonderful.
Hi Pat --
I'm familiar with that story you relate at the end -- in my muddled myeloma brain, I can't recall if it's truth or fiction. My memory leans toward it being a true tale, but...
I saw this the other day -- Doctor to Turtle: "I'm sorry, but you only have 70 to 80 years to live."
It's all relative.
Enjoyed seeing so many thoughtful comments here...
Lys--I sometimes get caught in the math, but to clarify...my AST was 8 summers ago and remission has gone for 7 years.
Lou--"true tales" are nearly the same as actual life in my mind. I like the turtle joke!
Thank you for reading,
Pat
Progress toward fundraising goal
for all of 2020:
15%
For more information, see the Beacon's
"2020 Fundraising: Goals And Updates" page