Me vs. MM: The Psychological Battle
How do you keep yourself from constantly thinking about this disease?
I realize I'm very fortunate to be healthy (except for the fact I have cancer) and don't have any of the physical issues associated with multiple myeloma that so many others have to deal with. Consequently, however, the battle for me tends to be mostly psychological.
For me, that's not necessarily a good thing.
I have degrees in electrical engineering and mathematics, and as you might imagine, I'm a geek, I'm a problem solver, and I will obsess on any topic of significance to me. It's no surprise that I have countless files about myeloma filling my hard drive and spreadsheets and graphs tracking my disease.
Unfortunately, it's that same tenacity that causes me to dwell on my cancer if I don't have anything else occupying my thoughts.
It's like a siege where an attacker continually bombards the defender hoping to wear them down or wait them out until they run out of resources.
Or like the sinus infection I recently had and and the resulting migraines I was fighting for three weeks. Towards the end of the second week, I would have done just about anything to rid myself of the pain and to get a good night sleep.
I get the same way mentally with this disease, just wishing for some quiet time where I can chill out or go to bed at night without thinking about myeloma before falling asleep.
I can’t even get relief when I am sleeping due to what I've come to call "chemo dreams."
I don't know if it's the chemo drugs, the supporting cast of drugs I take to counterbalance them, or something else, but since early in my treatment, I've been having very vivid dreams.
Consequently, I frequently wake several times a night, many times in a sweat (probably due to the fluid retention caused by the dexamethasone (Decadron)), and don't feel very rested in the morning.
In addition, many of the dreams are related to my cancer, the most frustrating being those where I get shunted from room to room, receiving infusion after infusion, all night long.
Another aspect of my battle is dealing with "chemo brain," a topic that I first came across in one of Pat Killingsworth's columns for the Myeloma Beacon.
Prior to the article, I was continually frustrated by the fuzziness that would occasionally plague my thought process, the difficulty I had coming up with words, or thinking of something and two minutes later not being able to recall the thought. I'm still frustrated by it, but at least I have a name and a reason for it now.
Finally, there's just the emotional roller coaster from the ups and downs of the disease.
One day, I'm encouraged by the advancements being made in treating myeloma, or doctors and researchers starting to talk about cures or at least treating multiple myeloma as chronic disease, then the next day, I'll read that the mean survival is still only about five years, or how someone has relapsed, or how the latest greatest drug only provides an additional 8 to 10 months survival.
There's the constant wondering as to what my next set of results will be, wondering when I'll eventually relapse, or knowing at some point the disease will most likely progress to where I do experience the physical effects.
Worst of all is when I start thinking of the impact this disease will eventually have on my family and the likelihood I'll be leaving them behind at some point and won't be around to grow old with my wife or see my kids start families.
At least right now, I'm on one of the ups since my latest lab results show no M-Spike. If I repeat it with my next set of results, I'll have finally reached complete response (but I guess that will be followed by the down of another bone marrow biopsy - c'est la vie).
Given the "mental" nature of this article, I'll close with a peek into my warped mind …
When I was diagnosed and told I had multiple myeloma and having grown up on classic rock, one of the first things I remember thinking was how myeloma sounded like My Sharona (by the Knack ) and wondering if Weird Al Yankovic would write a parody for it (i.e., M M M My Eloma).
I'd love to hear if, and how, others deal with the psychological impact of this disease.
Peace, and live for a cure.
Kevin Jones is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon.
If you are interested in writing a regular column for The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
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I thought I was the only one with My Sharona stuck in my head! Great article, Kevin, and I have the same struggle - I'm always saying that my biggest fight is the one between my ears. What helps me is reminding myself to stay in the present - myeloma robs us of time, but we add to that crime when we focus on getting through the next treatment, getting past the next biopsy, getting the next set of test results - and missing the beauty of the moments that very day with family/friends. When I realized that my upcoming SCT was going to force me away from my kids for weeks, I started sending myself calendar reminders to appreciate the moments I have with them right now, even when life is so busy in preparation. That's the one thing myeloma has given me - an appreciation of every day.
I am over six years out from my original diagnosis, almost five years out from two SCTs resulting in complete remission. Do I still think about MM every day? Yes. Do I still get paranoid about every back ache or sinus infection? Yes. But, I must say, the worry at this point is no more than I worry about my kids away from home at college, being able to afford retirement, or the aging of my father. So, yes, it is always in the back of my mind, but at least it totally doesn't control my life anymore. And thinking positively, I think more about "If" I will have a relapse rather than "when" I will have a relapse. I think the longer out from treatment you are, the burden of worry becomes less. (But as a caveat, anyone who has never dealt with a castastrophic disease can never understand the weight of the worry).
I couldn't agree more! The psychological stress of MM is very heavy. The statistics of MM do not lie, and it weighs heavy on our minds. I personally have battled invasive breast cancer Stage III and won. But MM is a different kind of cancer, I find myself intimidated by it. At times I try to let go and not think about it; but it keeps creeping back into my thoughts. They call it asymptomatic or smoldering/stageI...but it is not without symptoms - extreme fatigue, night sweats, headaches, nose bleeds, and sometimes blurry vision. In short we just don't feel well, even if we're not in severe pain or enduring chemo like our friends with more advanced MM. You feel lousy all the time. The hardest part though is the psychological battle every day that goes on in your head.
It helps to be outside in the sunshine, or sit near a sunny window and look outside. I live in Denver so winter is our longest season. I go to a couple of nurseries that have large greenhouses, and walk around. In winter they have less plants, but it is warm, sunny, and spacious to walk around. When you are outside of your usual environment of home/work, you don't think about it (MM) for awhile at least. Museums are a good escape too. Follow it with lunch out - try a new place you've never been before. If you do this every couple of weeks it really helps not only you, but your family/spouse as well. Instead of chronic "sick" talk or thoughts, you and your family have an outing/event to discuss.
If you're too sick or broke to go out - rent a movie (comedy,family,silly) and have a picnic on a tablecloth in the family room floor in front of the TV. Roast Hotdogs and marshmellos in the fireplace. It may sound silly but I can guarntee it will make memories with your family and take your mind off MM for awhile. The family may say "remember when dad went nuts and insisted we have that indoor picnic...". They may think it is corny, but they'll be smiling and so will you.
Kevin...MM has become part of my identity. It marks me in the same way as age does. 60 may be the new 40. MM is no longer a terminal illness--rather a manageable chronic condition. Still...I'm viewed as a senior citizen. Still...I never forget that MM is hiding out within me even though she has not made a whisper in six years.
My husband, also an engineer, was dx in June 2008 in the middle of our coast to coast move. We were 3,000 miles apart. It turned our world upside down.
In my research and the "bad news" on statistics. I told my husband, who I needed to get his head in the game, that while it might not be "medically significant" (the term they use), it would be personally significant if he were one of the ones who beat all the odds and lived a good long time with his disease. It was that very basic concept that was our focus. We have an exercise we used in our darkest days and it was this... We wrote down what we wanted to occur, from the wildest (it's all been a big mistake you have indigestion) to what we could live with and everything in between. Whenever those worries and/or panic attacks would hit us, often like a herd of elephants in the middle of the night, alone, we would recall our wish and we would keep remembering it each time this would occur. It allowed us to dismiss these fears and worries.
We don't worry about it anymore. We fly to Arkansas from California 2x a year and we stay in wonderful little places and tease everyone that 2x a year we have a romantic getaway in Little Rock! Dave continues to do well, works in excess of a 40 hour week and tells folks that he isn't going to worry about it until someone tells him too. That's what his doctors get paid to do. Of course I'm always checking the labs and such.
At our last check up, I was reviewing all the test results and he leaned over and said, "What do they say?" I responded, "You get to live another 6 months." After Dave and I fell out laughing the nurse and doctor started to chuckle and told me how mean I was.
I often share with folks that I met a 17 year MM survivor on several trips to Arkansas. He did the old Total Therapy way back when. He and his wife were always so upbeat and happy. Imagine if he worried for 17 years about his MM coming back? What a colossal waste of time. I know this isn't easy, because I've been there in spades. But it is indeed something we have some control over, our point of view.
My mantra throughout the dx and treatment was: "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain!" - Unknown
I'm incredibly proud of my husband for taking a positive view of it all. He was in a really dark place when I arrived in his hospital room. Another MM friend of mine told me that "None of us get out alive Lori!" Indeed. I lost my father through a T-38 accident and my mother from cancer. Sudden death vs. dying have distinctively different experiences, though the grieving is the same, the loss profound. One you do after and one you do during. I still cannot tell you which is easier. I found them both to be extremely difficult. So somehow we are muddling through very well and have no regrets.
Hi Kevin...It is so startling to be taken from your every day existence and thrown head first into the world of intense cancer treatments! Of course it is a difficult psychological adjustment to make...and it is my impression that MM treatments tend to go on for a longer time than for some other cancers. But eventually you can come to terms with it..after about a year, I realized that when I woke up in the morning, I wasn't always worrying about it any more! And my husband and I have always done as many normal things as possible too, because we didn't want it to consume all of our thoughts! Once you get through the treatments I am sure you will feel much better...just hang in there and don't let it get you down!! I actually feel a lot better now, since the cancer is gone, and it was dragging me down before dx in ways I did not fully understand at the time. May the Spirit Bear be with you too!
Kevin,
One thing I know, going through this journey, it's that God is always there. Don't discount him as a very important source. He has helped me through so much. He gives strength when we're weak - both in body and spirits, hope to the sad heart, encouragement for a better tomorrow and courage to face whatever is there for us. And most of all his promise to always be with us - not only now but forever.
Sounds corny but I can't say it any other way.
Julia Munson
Dx. 2008 - now, post SCT, at the zero M level!
So cool – I love the responses so far – some philosophical, some practical, but all great.
I should mention that I am by nature a fairly even-keeled, upbeat person, and for the most part I am able to keep a positive attitude. My wife continually says she's amazed by how well I'm holding out and trying to go on with life in spite of the disease. It helps that I am not physically impacted by the disease and have been able to continue doing many of the things I enjoy such as biking, weight lifting, hiking, etc.. I was even given the go ahead recently to start playing hockey again, which I had all but written off.
Brianne, the idea of sending notes to yourself is great. I can see where one of these popping up unexpected could improve the whole day.
Lynda, I can relate to the kids in college (I have three), and an aging father (he'll turn 90 this year) and hopefully will get to the point you are where those type of concerns can occupy the majority of my worry-time. I guess I also feel guilty when I think about me so much since I'm generally the type to be concerned more with others than myself. It would also be great to get to the point I'm thinking "if", not "when".
Nancy D., good idea with the nurseries. Grand Rapids tends to be snowy and dreary through the winter and that would be a great diversion. We have a botanical garden here called Meijer Gardens that would be a great place for that (and since my wife is an avid gardener, she loves going there). The idea of a family room picnic is also great!
Pat, you're right how MM becomes part of who you are - we just need to make sure it doesn't become who we are. And I agree that 60 is the new 40 - my wife still wonders if I'll grow up and act like an adult.
Lori, romantic getaways in Little Rock - hmmm. Being able to keep working has also been a big help for me. Karen and I have also had several of those moments as well where we just break down laughing, to the point of tears sometimes - kind of like giving myeloma a one finger salute.
Nancy S., trying to keep things normal is one of my objectives as well. In fact, I have an outline started for one of my upcoming columns that deals with that. Next week marks one year since I was diagnosed, so perhaps I'll start think about it less and less as you have.
Kevin, you are not alone in your worries-I am sure we all have many of the same feelings. I guess we just have to take one day at a time.
I hate having to think about it all the time.....
Kevin, you really hit the nail on the head. I totally related. I like your comment about giving myeloma the one finger salute. That gave me a good chuckle and I am going to strive to do that every day! Terry
I was living in Calgary Alberta working as a driller on the drilling rigs after 23yrs, when my last fracture(#11) was while tying my boots for my last shift & w/dx in Oct/05 & was given 2-4months to live,& being 43yrs old I've always had the same attitude: that I was going to live for along time yet! There's to many things I have'nt done yet & I'm gunna do or see these things!! And as close as I can get I've been giving it the finger(mostly to get my pulse while I'm having my blood pressure checked) lol Anyways I had a SCT in April/06 & was in remission by July/06! Never forget the Dr. telling me Happy B-Day,I married my best friend Mindy along my journey as well & are very blessed for having her, she takes care of me very well!! I was ok for 3& 1/2Yrs & going on a hunting trip w/ my brother & noticed a lump on the left side of my temple(turned out to be a tumor) radiation took care of that but #2on my spine,#3on my left rib next to my heart, & #4 pushing on my bladder all turned out to follow! with more radiation & a maintenence program of Velcade & a lot of upset stomach & alot of bath room trips from the chemo my #'s are good( just got news of another(tumor #5)after another hunting trip on my left side of my chest!! well after alot of ct scans, pet scans, & X-rays, bone marrow bi-opsi's, bone strentghening medicine, & trips to dr. along with chemo treatments, I'd do it all over again! I'll be fine & MM is pretty much treatable these days!! My advise is hang in there & never give up, & be kind to those around you!!Now back to work, and that's @ work at being alive as long as I can!!
Kevin
Wow! It's like you were speaking for me. I am a commercial HVAC service technician. I too am a problem solver. It's amazing how consuming this all is. I was originally diagnosed with MM on 12/15/11. I then went for a second opinion and the doctor told me he thought I had SMM and then changed his tune after more labs because my mild anemia has persisted. My anemia has been present that I know of since 3/11 and has been constant or gone up slightly. I am waiting to see Dr Landgren at NIH because I believe I have SMM. Due to my only CRAB feature being very mild anemia (12.6). My favorite way to put it is " I can't say not a minute goes by but, not 15 minutes go by that I don't think about it". While I don't have dreams but I do wake up often and think about it and am up for long periods of time at night. I have 3 kids 10,12,14 and I am 40 years old. it is scary thinking I won't see them grow up and see my grandchildren. Not to mention leaving my wife behind to fend for herself.
Thanks for sharing your feelings. I thought I was just "obsessing" and I guess I am but, I'm not alone.
Kevin,
Thank you for sharing. So many people are afraid to "go there". My husband has WM - I remember sitting in that doctor office and hearing him say, "incurable, terminal". My brain pleaded silently to my husband, "Do NOT ask!!" But of course he did and the doctor so abruptly said, "5-7 years". All I could think was that our youngest was only 5, and that was simply unacceptable. It's been almost two years of chemo, tests, pokes, fatigue, peripheral neuropathy, negotiating with God, pleading with God and trying to stay one breathe above the waves.
For weeks after diagnosis my husband played that song by Alter Bridge, "Who will watch over you when I'm gone?" It killed me to hear him play that over & over, but I knew it was part of his dealing with this. (I have songs I play when I am alone also.)
I write letters to our kids, we make "mini-movies" of our daily lives together and Mark puts them beautifully to songs and they are wonderful reminders to us to laugh & live!
May we all live as long as we are able - and REALLY live every day.
Thank you again for opening your heart & soul -
Eight years ago the vertabra in my lower back cracked - it hurt. I was then told that I had MM and that the life expectancy was 3 years.
I now keep track of the new medications and how they are being tested. Other than that I seldom think about it - there is nothing I can do about it.
I also found out that I had prostrate cancer. I went through radiation treatment because it is easier to die of MM than prostrate cancer.
We all die sometime. I do not worry about it. But then I am 77 and have lived a good life.
Kevin -
You bring up a very real issue - how to survive MM without going crazy!?!?!? I've been dealing with MM for 8 years - I got a 4.5-year remission which was great. I was finally able to not think about it all the time. I could engage in life more fully, went back to school for a master's degree. I relapsed 3 years ago, and it's been very difficult - failed SCT, moving from treatment to treatment. Now, my medical life is so consuming, it's difficult to have a super-full regular life.
How I cope: I try to focus on the small improvements in my body and how I feel. I research a lot and try to be my best advocate in the medical system. I see a therapist every week. I take sleeping pills, and have since I was diagnosed. I am on antidepressants (was on them before I was diagnosed) and that helps with the anxiety. My boyfriend and I try to do at least one "fun" thing every weekend to create good memories. I talk about the mental health impact with my boyfriend, family, and friends. No one fully gets it, except other MM patients, but it still feels good to talk about it.
Kevin,
look at all the responses within 24 hours of your post. It shows we are all thinking about it and web browsing the subject. I for one can say just to see all of the comments and to know I am not alone with my thoughts makes me feel much better. I try to say to myself, everyone is on a terminal ride in life and none of us know when it is our turn. So much can happen in a few years with medicine. Keep the faith.
Hi Kevin ... I was looking at some of our emails tonight from The Myeloma Beacon and came across yours. My husband John was diagnosed with MM in the fall of 2009 ,went through several rounds of chemo and had a stem cell transplant in April 2010. He is in remission now, but continues to have blood work done and visits his oncologist every 3 months.
I do not know if you are a Christian or not, but I will tell you our story.
We are both of the Lutheran faith, go to church regularly and attend Bible studies. We both believed we had a strong faith in God.
We had deaths in our family, including two young adult children and a nine year old grandchild. We had our home completely destroyed by fire and many more of life's trials that I won't go into here.
So many of our trials we would pray to God asking for his help and then for what ever reason we would take all of these troubles back and try to deal with them ourselves. When John was diagnosed with MM we talked about how we would handle this situation and decided that this one was just to BIG for us. So we gave it to God and this time we never took it back, He has been in the drivers seat since day one and will continue to be there. Because we have finally learned that our God is in control.
It is so much easier to depend on God to handle this in His own way, we are free to live our lives without this great burden. John is free to live his life whether it is 3years, 5 years or 15 years in God's peace.
I hope you are not offended by this letter, we have never regretted turning our lives over to Him.
I will pray that your body goes into remission and stays there. And I pray that God will give you His peace.
Carol
Sherri, Terry, Art, Mark & Megan, Christine - One thing I've discovered over the years is the comfort and sense of community it can bring to know others share similar thoughts and feelings, and you are not alone. Hopefully my columns can provide a bit of that comfort.
Julia, Carol – I don't find your postings corny or offending. Having a strong faith can certainly help deal with the trials we face in life - and MM definitely is a big one. I envy those that are secure in their faith and find comfort in it like you have.
Trent, love your attitude – though you may want to consider foregoing the hunting trips since it seems that's when you keep discovering the tumors. I have a brother-in-law that lives in Calgary, though he spends most of his time up in Fort McMurray. Nice area (Calgary, not Fort McMurray).
Howard, it's great that you've made it eight years, particularly at an age where treatment options and prognosis are not generally as good. As you imply, it probably is a bit easier to deal with this disease with 77 years to look back on. I find I grieve every time I read about people diagnosed in their 30s and 40s, that may not get that opportunity.
Laura, sounds like it's really been a struggle for you, but I like the idea of doing a fun thing every weekend and creating those memories. I also agree that until you walk in someone's shoes you don't really understand what they are going through. I've known people with cancer, but until having to deal with it myself, I never really got it.
Kevin
Thanks for the article you wrote. I cant put it into words what i go through just like you in the article. I have multiple myeloma and am in remission from stem cell transplant and all the chemo.
I am blessed that i have done as well as i did. I had 50% myeloma cells in my bone marrow. Nothing effected my blood or my organs. But what happen in my personel life took a toll. I am guess i am so consumed at times because i only have been in remission for about 6 months. I started all this DEC 2010 stem cell in 2011(may). i find myself researching all the time. I would just like some peace from it too. I get that peace some when i take the battle to the street when i run. I feel i am beating the cancer that way.
I will say for the most part i get through pretty good i try to live by my motto
I have cancer and it is mind over matter, I dont mind and it dont matter. I leave that most everyday, but i do slip and ithits hard.
Kevin,
Your in a fairly large boat with passengers who have the same [and in some cases worse] conditions/circumstances. Your honesty re. yourself is healthy and yes, you do dwell on yourself too much. Seek therapy if your at that point and get a script for Ambien. I don't mean to sound harsh, but your are creating furtile ground for "PITTY POTS", both yours and others.
I don't want to be 'mean', but get a grip, push through it and Godspeed.
Wow, Forrest. That has to be one of the most insensitive, ungrateful comments I've ever read here at the Beacon.
Here is someone who, if you've read his comments and his columns, very much "has a grip" and is most definitely moving on with his life. He is taking time and energy to share his experiences and thoughts about myeloma with other patients and caregivers, and he responds generously to the experiences others share with the readers of his columns.
And all you can say to him is that he is dwelling on himself too much, that he needs to get therapy, and just "push through it."
Wow. I mean .... wow. I'm speechless.
Kevin - I'm sorry that you have to put up with such a comment. You don't deserve it. Perhaps there is a lesson for all of us if we think a bit more about the comment and what led Forrest to make it. It will take me a while, however, to get past my initial reaction before I can think that constructively about it.
Hi Forrest.....I wanted to congratulate you and your good wife for reaching the 'six year' mark, as you had told Pat K. recently. I know it is very difficult being a caregiver...my husband got more stressed than I did in the last 2 1/2 years. oNE does worry that new patients will not see the gravity of their situation, and delay treatment unnecessarily too, for MM is a formidable foe that we will all have to face down, one way or the other! For me, the whole BEACON experience has been a great one, since I not only got to learn a whole lot more about the health condition than I would have otherwise, but also have had the privilege of interacting on line with some very very fine folk! I could not have asked for more...my husband thinks I am a little 'obsessed' by this site actually, but it is really for peace of mind in knowing as much as possible, and what IS possible, given the coordinates of the problems presented to us. Hope that helps to smooth things over..there is such a variety of ages and stages of people expressing themselves fairly freely here, you can't really generalize too much, nest-ce pas??
Forrest: I think maybe you should consider finding a new website for yourself! Or maybe Beacon can block you from commenting in the future, You seem to have a broken "edit button" or "advanced fried chemo brain". If you don't agree with the author and the comments from the rest of us..."man up" and quit whining like a petulant child!
What I like about Beacon is that we can discuss our feelings about the disease openly, honestly, and without judgement.
Mark & Megan,
I checked out your website, and really enjoyed it. I had originally considered an art degree before going into engineering (figured I had a better chance of making a decent living as an engineer than in art). I think the way you're incorporating your passion for art and music into your fight, the way you're living for each day, and doing it as a family are wonderful.
Greg,
I've also read several of your posts in the forums. I think you started out in worse shape than I did, but your approach has been very similar – refuse to give in and take the battle to the streets. Just as running brings some peace of mind for you, biking does the same for me.
Forrest,
I have to admit I was taken back a bit by your response. However, I don't want to discount how anyone reacts to the column. Hopefully most people won't interpret it as dwelling on myself since that is definitely not my intent. Being only a year into my battle, I'm hoping I can share some of the things I've gone through or will go through, or bring up topics that will stimulate conversation, in order to help others with their battles. As I mentioned previously, I've seen many times where it just helps to know you're not alone, and that others understand what you're going through.
TerryH, Nancy S., and Nancy D.,
Thanks for your support. As Nancy S. indicated though, there's a wide range of ages, stages, and experiences represented by the people visiting this site and Forrest's views are as valid as anyone else. Being six years into it, he obviously has a much different perspective than I do. Overall, I've had a lot of good responses posted here, and through emails, from people that really relate to what I've written, so I feel satisfied so far, but not everyone will connect with what I write, and that's OK too (I have a very thick skin).
Hi Kevin, your column is much appreciated and, for crying out loud, Forrest, Kevin's article was spot on for the vast majority of us. I think Kevin has been dealing with his situation bravely and I would like to emulate his path. I got a wife, two young kids and I am still in my forties, I drag myself to work and, I admit, the stress of this diagnosis is sometimes overwhelming on me and my family. Sometimes, I do feel self pity or however you inarticulately expressed it....SO WHAT!
Keep up the columns, Kevin!
Wow! Forrest,
I hope you re-read your post and come to terms with your frustration. Kevin was ( as Terry said) spot on for me anyway. I'm glad you deal with your circumstances in other ways but Kevin seems to represent most of us. And I don't feel that I (we) pity ourselves too much at all. This is all to overwhelming at times and articles like these help me and others deal with our feelings. So, Forrest I hope you are doing well and I pray for you and all others. I hope you can be a bit more sensitive in the future and appreciate this website for what it is.
Best of luck to you!
So Forest..how do you avoid being a PITTTY POT....please share with us how to do it.
I think most of us have had PITTY POT moments...a cancer diagnosis does that. How have you successfully overcome that reaction?
I pray for God's grace. What do you do?
This is the first time I have left a comment Just discovered the Beacon today.Kevin I can definitely relate to how you are feeling. I was dx with MM 2006. with a SCT in 2010. I am 15mo post stem cell and in remission at this time. I was on dexa and other meds before stem cell and yes MM can make all of us overwhelmed at different times in our life. I find that if I give myself 10-15 minutes a day thinking about my cancer (and yes worrying about all the things we worry about) then I mentally tell myself that is enough time to give it and then intentionally go on to something else it helps for me. I found that that the International myeloma foundation has been very supportive and their seasonal booklet that they send out is great. survivors, Drs explaining the newest research for myeloma ,and etc. I have been a psychiatric R.N. for almost 40 yrs and to me it is great that you are able to express all your feelings about myeloma , the fears the joys of life and everything in between , I do the same and to me it is very healthy! I have a lot of favoite sayings that I say and write down. They are not mine , but I believe them just the same. "We don't alsways have control of what happens to us, but have control how we deal with it and that goes with us forever." "I am more than my cancer" "I have cancer it doesn't have me' This is my saying "I believe there is a deep strength in all of us, we don't always know it till we are called upon to tap into it" I'm sorry this is so long. Kevin I feel you do a great job with this forum and feel it is very worthwhile.
Jan,
Thanks for the encouraging words. I like your idea of devoting a bit of time each day to thinking about the cancer, then moving on. That seems like a very useful approach and one I think I could adapt to. Welcome to the Beacon community.
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