Pat’s Place: Suggestions From Multiple Myeloma Patients To Help Us All Stay Positive
Last week, I promised to share a few tips that some of my multiple myeloma friends use to stay positive.
Staying positive does not cure cancer—and it probably doesn’t help extend a patient’s life. Surprised? Don’t be. There are a number of studies which prove this to be the case, including a large, 1,000 patient study, published in 2007 in the American Cancer Society’s journal Cancer.
A reader once commented on one of my blogs, “Pushing the idea that a positive attitude can help defeat cancer may leave some patients feeling like failures—especially if their cancer doesn’t respond well to treatment. It is time to stop blaming the patient for their cancer.”
I agree! But this column isn’t about that. While there is little proof that a positive attitude can help keep cancer at bay, few experts disagree that staying positive during treatment can help improve a patient’s quality of life.
How does one stay positive when faced with the overwhelming reality of a multiple myeloma diagnosis? To help find the answers, I asked myeloma patients for suggestions.
Donald wrote, “Realize that you can find opportunities in negative situations. Albert Einstein said, ‘In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.’”
Dotty, a reader from Texas suggested, “If you have a hobby or work you enjoy, try to continue it, even if it's hard at times.”
Sean volunteered, “I don't allow multiple myeloma to overshadow all of the things in my life for which I am grateful… I focus on my wife, children, pets and friends. This mess I find myself in is not all about me. We are a connected group that has chosen to be positive. We choose to live life, not fear impending death.”
Professor Sandra Stokes, from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay, likes to keep it simple. She proposed, “How about that the definition of normal is constantly changing and that that's ok?”
Eleanor from Florida keeps it simpler still. Her advice was simply, “Have fun!” I’m with her on that. My motto, even before my diagnosis was always: “Work hard, play hard, and have fun!”
Lance shared, “I found that reading success and survivor stories of others was extremely helpful when we were first diagnosed.”
Lynn wrote, “Once I faced such a dismal possibility, I decided to take hold of emotions and focus on events that life is all about—learning, doing, experiencing, sharing. So, I've picked up Spanish studies again with a fervor, listed projects to accomplish, and planned short excursions. Right now, we're training a two month old puppy, adopted in large part, to take focus off of my multiple myeloma. It's already brought laughter back into the house. A city girl, I've started an organic garden. I'm reaching out to girlfriends, discovering common hobbies, and becoming more involved in the community.”
Finally, another patient insisted, “Relaxation, meditation, support groups, and prayer can help all of us cope with our disease.”
I would like to add that experience—just knowing what to expect—can help all of us cope. With time, we can all learn to stay more positive. And that’s important, because staying positive helps us appreciate our lives and the world around us.
Next week, I will add suggestions to help improve a patient’s quality of life, including dealing with the day-to-day pain and inconveniences caused by ongoing myeloma therapy.
Until then, feel good and keep smiling! Pat
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My motto throughout was:
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain!" - unknown
And Dave and I made a conscious effort to not worry about what might be and only concentrate on what IS.
"Worrying is praying for what you DON'T want!" - unknown
I have found in my life and through the many observations of others, that which you resist or push back on comes to you in spades. So we are just willing to experience ANYTHING.
Stay strong and stay focused on what you DO WANT and when the fears creep in use them as REMINDERS to again state what you DO WANT and keep on going.
Best, Lori
Thanks for reading and contributing, Lori! Working toward a positive "DO WANT" outcome is a great suggestion- Pat
I read somewhere back when newly diagnosed with last stage Multiple Myeloma...."I'm walking on thin ice, I may as well dance".....and I repeat that to myself every AM before I start my day.
Why not? Living in the moment is so hard for some of us... I was always a deferred gratification kind of guy... Always living for the future. Trying to change all of that! I agree with you--can't waste time worrying. Thanks for the tip! Pat
I decided when I was first diagnosed in 2008 with Stage III MM that I would take one day at a time. I was so overwhelmed with medical terms, treatment plans, drugs, transplants, doctors, etc. that I was really scared and could not think about it all. So, I just got through one chemo treatment, one appointment , one test, etc. at a time. I am now in remission, still doing chemo, and back at work teachng kindergarten and I still just try to focus on one day at a time.
Good Article,I for one think a Positive Attitude will help - or at least make life worth living.
No one has been able to tell me how long I really have to live. The doctors started with 2-5 years when I was first diagnosed in January 2008,but some are living 14 or more years. More recently I was given 3 more months by a battery of Veterans Administration Oncologists, Nephrologists and Neurologists. But here I am still here 3 months later and feeling better than I have in quite a while.
If I were not POSITIVE it woud have been a lousy two years plus feeling sorry for myself. No to mention upsetting all around me. Not a way I want to finish my life. I am going out on my time and no one elses.
I AM POSITIVE!!!
Pat,
Thanks so much for the article. And to everyone for sharing ideas/experiences. You will never know how much you help those new to this world of MM -- not only for current information but just plain knowing we are not alone in this journey. Stay well my friends.
Kansas
Eight years ago when I was first diagnosed I found that by focusing on things outside of myself and my diagnosis greatly helped me to remain positive. I started a 'general' cancer support group for our city and this group has become like a second family to most of our members!! We do not raise money, we just support one another through this often bumpy journey and more often than not we end up laughing. Newcomers to the group are often amazed at how 'positive' everyone is and are eager to join. We now have a membership list of over 140!! Founding this group has given me 'purpose and direction' which is just another way of saying a 'meaning for living'!
PS Pat: If you are looking for someone to write a regular column, how about approaching Boogie Barb from the ACOR list? She writes insightful notes and is a font of common sense with a wonderful twist of humour.
Thank you, all! I can tell from these comments, and the many e-mails I have received over the past 24 hours, that multiple myeloma patients get it! Staying positive is a worthwhile goal. It helps make life worth living--no matter how long we have here together. I can tell I won't have to remind this group to "keep smiling!" Pat