[ladysherlockian]

How to support someone with multiple myeloma by phone?

by ladysherlockian on Tue Jan 10, 2017 1:46 pm

My dad is currently in hospital, and though the hospital is located in our home town here in Poland, the doctors do not allow us to visit him. I understand that this is because of any viruses or bacteria that we might bring to him, yet nevertheless we miss him dearly, and I guess it is harder to give someone support if it can be done only verbally, on the phone.

It is so sad that we cannot simply sit next to his bed and hold his hand in silence. We can only have conversations on the phone, three times a day as dad complains about his phone's battery running out of juice very fast.

How can we support him if we can communicate only in this way? What to say and what to avoid? What subjects can we talk about? Should we talk about the multiple myeloma and if so, how? Discuss current events, movies, describe our day?

I believe we should not complain to dad about anything that goes wrong in our lives, such as some organisational trouble (for example, me not getting a job I applied for), because he should not worry about anything, but rather concentrate on fighting the myeloma. Is this the right attitude?

I also think we should not cry when talking to dad, it this correct?

I'd love to hear advice from some people with myeloma, what they hated hearing from their loved ones and what supported and helped them most. Thanks so much for advice

[Mike F]

Re: How to support someone with multiple myeloma by phone?

by Mike F on Tue Jan 10, 2017 7:43 pm

Wow, this is a tough one.

Does the hospital have wireless Internet? If so, is there any way you can get a laptop computer for him? If so, then you could use Skype or Facetime for video connections to him. Even if you can't get him a laptop, he could use his phone for this (although the problem with the phone battery might be even worse).

As for what to discuss, I think he would want to hear about the day-to-day stuff going on in your lives. When I was in the hospital, I wanted the conversations to be as normal as possible. My wife and I would discuss what the kids were up to, how her business was going, movies, world affairs, etc. You don't have to bring up the job you didn't get if you really don't want to, but it might not hurt. It would give him a chance to comfort you, which might make him feel more normal and more useful.

You can also let him lead the conversation. If he brings up the crummy food in the hospital, you can sympathize with him. If he asks you whether you got the job, you can tell him.

I think the most important thing might just be that you are calling as often as you can, and demonstrating that you love him and are concerned for him.

Of course, I'm speaking for myself and what I wanted. You know your dad best.