I recently relocated to a city about 380 miles from where my parents live 6 weeks ago. Just two weeks after moving, my father went to the emergency room for some progressive back pain which turned out to be multiple myeloma. I was previously living about 225 miles from my parents.
During the period of time leading up to my relocation, I underwent some very difficult personal circumstances including simultaneous end of a long-term romantic relationship and a multitude of career disasters. After a period of frustration and depression, I elected to relocate for a fresh start on life. When I first moved, I only had a temporary position but I have since found a more permanent career position. I wanted to relocate to satisfy my personal dream of living in a big metro area. However, I feel awful having moved further from home rather than closer. My parents live in an economically depressed part of the country but I am fortunate to have the ability to find work wherever I want to. However, the job opportunities are much better in the area I just moved to.
I want to provide as much support for my family as I can. Honestly, its always in the back of my mind which makes it difficult to enjoy myself. It appears that this condition is highly variable. I find myself wondering if I should move back home to support my family versus pursing my own personal goals. I know there probably isn't a right or wrong thing to do hear. I certainly don't want to make a highly emotional decision. Fortunately, its only about a 6.5 hour drive or 1 hour flight back to see him. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
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Re: Support for a family member
Hi bs160302,
Sorry to hear about the turbulent times you have been having. As you put it there really is no right or wrong answer. So what would I want to know if I was in your shoes.
Do your parents have a good support network where they are currently living?
Is your mother dependent for a lot of things on your father or is she independent (ie if your father goes into hospital will she be okay)?
How young and fit are they?
How good are they at managing on their own, do they still drive, do they cook good nutritious meals, do they exercise regularly?
Do you fight with them or should I say have heated discussions because you have differing opinions? Would it be better for all of you if you were to visit them for say a week and get things done that they are not going to do. This would be as opposed to living close to them and saying yeah I'll get on to that next week.
What is your Dad going to be like when they give him Dex. It made me less tolerant.
What is the best thing for you? Short term and long term.
My mother (83) and brother live 1500 km away my sister is a little further than that. They visit from time to time but we talk on the phone alot.
All the best for you and your fathers treatment,
Libby
Sorry to hear about the turbulent times you have been having. As you put it there really is no right or wrong answer. So what would I want to know if I was in your shoes.
Do your parents have a good support network where they are currently living?
Is your mother dependent for a lot of things on your father or is she independent (ie if your father goes into hospital will she be okay)?
How young and fit are they?
How good are they at managing on their own, do they still drive, do they cook good nutritious meals, do they exercise regularly?
Do you fight with them or should I say have heated discussions because you have differing opinions? Would it be better for all of you if you were to visit them for say a week and get things done that they are not going to do. This would be as opposed to living close to them and saying yeah I'll get on to that next week.
What is your Dad going to be like when they give him Dex. It made me less tolerant.
What is the best thing for you? Short term and long term.
My mother (83) and brother live 1500 km away my sister is a little further than that. They visit from time to time but we talk on the phone alot.
All the best for you and your fathers treatment,
Libby
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LibbyC - Name: LibbyC
- Who do you know with myeloma?: myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 2009
- Age at diagnosis: 43
Re: Support for a family member
Hi BS 160302,
I'm so sorry about your dad. It is never fun to hear that a loved one is ill -- especially when you are so far away. It can make you feel very helpless.
Many people start to feel better, and their myeloma symptoms start to resolve, once they start treatment. Myeloma is a very manageable disease, and most people lead very normal lives. Depending on how your dad does, there may be no need for you to disrupt your life right now. And, as you said, you are an hour a way by plain, which means you can be there quickly if and when you need to be.
Good luck!
Lyn
I'm so sorry about your dad. It is never fun to hear that a loved one is ill -- especially when you are so far away. It can make you feel very helpless.
Many people start to feel better, and their myeloma symptoms start to resolve, once they start treatment. Myeloma is a very manageable disease, and most people lead very normal lives. Depending on how your dad does, there may be no need for you to disrupt your life right now. And, as you said, you are an hour a way by plain, which means you can be there quickly if and when you need to be.
Good luck!
Lyn
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Christa's Mom - Name: Christa's Mom
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Husband
- When were you/they diagnosed?: September, 2010
- Age at diagnosis: 53
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