Me and Mum are still shocked, we knew it was cancer so probably Dad would never be really healthy again, but we had no idea that he would die so soon. He was dying for an entire week long; last Tuesday his health deteriorated badly, and we had to take him to the hospital. He could not eat or swallow anything, soon his eyes went all dead, and there was no contact with him. From time to time, he managed to give a logical answer to a question, but mostly, he was either breathing harshly and coughing horribly or saying some words we could not understand. It was terrible to look at him and be unable to help him in any way. As he could not swallow anything, we had to take him to the hospital so that he could at least get some pain medicine in a drip infusion.
The doctors and nurses said he did not suffer but I have my doubts. I fear he was in horrible pain as, when he was still at home, he asked Mum about arranging euthanasia for him. Later when his health deteriorated and he started to die, he complained about a headache, his head was entirely misshapen, and about terrible pain in his mouth; it was all black and bloody as an open wound, and Dad said swallowing even a small drop of water was torture.
When we visited him a couple of days later in the hospital, he was constantly mumbling some words and phrases, most of them impossible to understand, but some of these which I did understand indicated he was in terrible pain. He said things like "I did not know it would be such a torment," and he also prayed to God to "give him a blow" (he constantly repeated this phrase, I would never forget it), and called to my Mum to help him to get to the other side (I guess he meant helping him to die).
I know it is all over now, but it is sad to think he must have been suffering terribly. Other people and acquaintances who knew multiple myeloma patients told me this disease is very painful, so I guess I was right about my Dad suffering in the last stage. I wonder if it could be possible that he suffered, contrary to what the doctors said? But I have no reason not to believe his words. Could it be that the pain medicine he received was not enough to alleviate the pain? He did not complain about any bone pain, only about the pain in his mouth and inability to drink anything. Is it common in this disease?
He finally died when his heart stopped beating. The doctors say he also had an infection. I am plagued by fears that we could have done something more to save him, or maybe it was wrong to take him to the hospital as we were not there by his side when he died. So many regrets and no way to fix them now
I wish no one else on this forum would have to go through such an experience of losing a loved one. It was so devastating to know that neither we nor even the doctors can help Dad. May he rest in peace, I'd like to ask you on this forum to pray for him, thanks.
