Hi all. I am so glad I found this site; it helps to not feel so alone. I was dx'ed at 56 yo, stage 3, Dec. 2010. At first the pain and getting over the hurdles of this new disease was all consuming, but in the year and a half since then, I've made good progress. I'm still in pain, but it's not what you'd describe as debilitating. I can live with it. What I'm struggling most with is all consuming depression.
I come from a family where several of us suffer this wretched disease. It's inherited and as anyone who has it knows, it's a matter of finding the right medication and some sort of counseling. My brother (32 yo) committed suicide and I've come close. Please understand this has all come about in the last 20 years or so; it's not new or necessarily because of the multiple myeloma. My main problem now, though, is that I believe my depression is hindering my progress. So often I hear that mental attitude is vital in the successful treatment of cancer. Can anyone else relate to this? I need to feel better mentally, but I can't. If anyone has any ideas that may be of help, please pass them along to me. It's the depression that's going to kill me.
Kathryn
Forums
Re: Pre-existing depression
Kathryn,
I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with such severe depression. As if myeloma isn't enough to deal with. Hopefully it'll help to hear from other MMers who are also coping with depression. You're definitely not alone.
There was a conversation a while back that you might find helpful about antidepressants and myeloma: https://myelomabeacon.org/forum/antidepressants-and-multiple-myeloma-t210.html
Don't hesitate to post here any time. There are so many people who frequent this site and are willing to share their stories and who genuinely care about people they've never met. There's always someone willing to listen.
I hope you're able to find the right combination of meds, counseling, and support from other MMers.
I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with such severe depression. As if myeloma isn't enough to deal with. Hopefully it'll help to hear from other MMers who are also coping with depression. You're definitely not alone.
There was a conversation a while back that you might find helpful about antidepressants and myeloma: https://myelomabeacon.org/forum/antidepressants-and-multiple-myeloma-t210.html
Don't hesitate to post here any time. There are so many people who frequent this site and are willing to share their stories and who genuinely care about people they've never met. There's always someone willing to listen.
I hope you're able to find the right combination of meds, counseling, and support from other MMers.
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Sue
Re: Pre-existing depression
Yes, I think depression (and stress, a related issue) are definitely part of the new me with myeloma.
I think there are two considerations: first, how strong is your depression? If it is life-affecting, you may want to think seriously about antidepressants. I am on a very mild dose of venlafaxine (Effexor), which is just enough to take the edge off and keep the "bad days" to a minimum. Got on at the time of my diagnosis, as I was semi-suicidal on receiving the news.
Secondly, you have to remember that depression is often a side-effect of stress, and stress is a VeryBadThing for those of us with cancer (some studies have suggested that stress actually accelerates cancer growth), so do whatever you can to alleviate stress in your life.
For me one of the biggest stress-relievers and anti-depression activities has been writing about my experiences as they occur. It has really helped me deal with the reality of my situation and work it out. Also, reading on fora like this and knowing that I am far from alone has been very empowering to me ... so I certainly encourage you to visit this site and others like it often, and absolutely feel free to participate, as it 'gives back', if you will, and lets others know that we are there to share the experience.
I think there are two considerations: first, how strong is your depression? If it is life-affecting, you may want to think seriously about antidepressants. I am on a very mild dose of venlafaxine (Effexor), which is just enough to take the edge off and keep the "bad days" to a minimum. Got on at the time of my diagnosis, as I was semi-suicidal on receiving the news.
Secondly, you have to remember that depression is often a side-effect of stress, and stress is a VeryBadThing for those of us with cancer (some studies have suggested that stress actually accelerates cancer growth), so do whatever you can to alleviate stress in your life.
For me one of the biggest stress-relievers and anti-depression activities has been writing about my experiences as they occur. It has really helped me deal with the reality of my situation and work it out. Also, reading on fora like this and knowing that I am far from alone has been very empowering to me ... so I certainly encourage you to visit this site and others like it often, and absolutely feel free to participate, as it 'gives back', if you will, and lets others know that we are there to share the experience.
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Snip - Name: John Snippe
- Who do you know with myeloma?: me
- When were you/they diagnosed?: Jan, 2011
- Age at diagnosis: 56
Re: Pre-existing depression
Hello all:
I was the caregiver to my incredibly strong and positive husband. He was diagnosed at age 52 in 2003. We both went into an incredibly deep, dark depression and literally grieving as if that battle was lost before it began. Back then the prognosis was "30 months"....The thing that helped Gary come out of the depression first was getting back to work. They had operated to remove T-2 vertebrae and he was off several weeks from the very strenuous surgery. It was this collapsed vertebrae that led to the diagnosis. Once he was able to start working he started lifting himself from the dark but didn't really turn the corner until I met the most amazing man on a chat website of the BMT. He was Gary's age and had also just been diagnosed. The two men met and started talking to each other lifting each other. They then met through their doctor at Emory another man about the same age and having a terrible time adjusting. Gary called him, we all met and soon became fast friends. The "reaching out" and helping others to deal with their diagnosis helped all three men in an unbelievable show of strength, courage and determination. We started just chatting with people in the waiting room at Emory and helping those newly diagnosed to understand and feel empowered. That removed the depression and gave purpose to the disease. If you cannot beat it yourself you can led yourself to the knowledge the science will gain from treating you. You can get on trials and know you are helping someone else down the road with a possible link to a cure or a prevention!!
Good luck and get out there and talk to people. You have a lot to give and everything to gain.
Eva Barnes
I was the caregiver to my incredibly strong and positive husband. He was diagnosed at age 52 in 2003. We both went into an incredibly deep, dark depression and literally grieving as if that battle was lost before it began. Back then the prognosis was "30 months"....The thing that helped Gary come out of the depression first was getting back to work. They had operated to remove T-2 vertebrae and he was off several weeks from the very strenuous surgery. It was this collapsed vertebrae that led to the diagnosis. Once he was able to start working he started lifting himself from the dark but didn't really turn the corner until I met the most amazing man on a chat website of the BMT. He was Gary's age and had also just been diagnosed. The two men met and started talking to each other lifting each other. They then met through their doctor at Emory another man about the same age and having a terrible time adjusting. Gary called him, we all met and soon became fast friends. The "reaching out" and helping others to deal with their diagnosis helped all three men in an unbelievable show of strength, courage and determination. We started just chatting with people in the waiting room at Emory and helping those newly diagnosed to understand and feel empowered. That removed the depression and gave purpose to the disease. If you cannot beat it yourself you can led yourself to the knowledge the science will gain from treating you. You can get on trials and know you are helping someone else down the road with a possible link to a cure or a prevention!!
Good luck and get out there and talk to people. You have a lot to give and everything to gain.
Eva Barnes
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diamonds585 - Name: Eva
- Who do you know with myeloma?: husband
- When were you/they diagnosed?: October, 2003
- Age at diagnosis: 52
Re: Pre-existing depression
I believe your feelings of depression are normal and to be expected. Know you are not alone in those feelings. From what you write, I do believe you need medication for depression. Additionally, as others suggested, you need to find a forum where you can talk or find a group where you can share feelings and experiences. The shoulders of others will give you so much strength and courage. Attitude is important, so a clear mind will benefit you as you progress through treatment. A diagnosis such as multiple myeloma can actually throw you into an anticipatory type of grief. It is important to move through those stages to acceptance. Once at that stage, your mind can relax and start to heal. Discuss this with your doctor--he/she can prescribe something beneficial. Keep coming here, start a blog, join a group....just do something and do not bottle these feelings. You are brave to speak out. Good luck to you! Hugs!!!!
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Louise
Re: Pre-existing depression
Ah, yes! Depression & all of its varying forms When i was first diagnosed, i went into a tail spin. I remember in the months waiting for my SCT telling a friend that i needed to buy a shirt, but thought that would be a waste of money, because i wouldn't be around long enough to use it! His reply, that i'll never forget, was go buy the shirt......if you don't make it, then you won't be worrying about it anyway! (I wore the shirt out). I had 2 more fractured Vertebrae waiting for the SCT & that got me freaking out that i would be paralyzed. Didn't happen. I had a good stretch after my SCT, with no bones breaking. However, i think i've got PTSD from when it first happened. I was reaching up to get a towel off the shower rod when my back broke. Even today, although i KNOW better, i am a bit apprehensive doing the same.
I've experienced highs (like when i went into remission), to lows when it reared its' ugly face again. multiple myeloma lets you think things are finally going good, like getting good responses from whichever drug your on, only to come back & bite you & bring you down again. It's like a big emotional roller coaster. I've found that with every cycle, it gets harder sometimes to pick myself back up. But i do eventually. My last 'big' event happened 1 1/2 years ago. I told the Dr. that i felt a slight bruising on my left arm, i didn't really think much of it. He ordered xrays & got back to me right away & told me he'd made an appointment the next day for radiation. Seemed like i had a big tumor in my humerus. After going though the CT scan, they wouldn't even let me get off the table by myself, as it could of snapped. I had surgery on that within 3 weeks & that's when they found the same thing on my right arm! I didn't make it to surgery for that one before my right arm broke. I spent most of last year trying to heal & getting in & out of depression. It's almost like you take one step forward & two steps back. During last year though, i knew what was going on in my head, so i just let those thoughts take their course & then affirmed that it was only temporary, that it would pass, & it did. I think the worst was when i had a tumor in my C2, it was like a having a ticking time bomb in your head. But i got through it & the depression that went with it. Depression is a form of fear & it's natural to have, especially with this disease. What keeps me coming back to the positive side of things, is the knowledge that most of those things i really sweated about, never happened!!!!& those that did weren't as bad as i had made them out to be.
My wife & kids go through this every time with me also. It's like we build up hope, only to have it dashed. & every time it happens, it's just a bit harder to get back to that happy place. It helps us to think in terms of just one day at a time & carry on with our lives. Keep on smiling.
I've experienced highs (like when i went into remission), to lows when it reared its' ugly face again. multiple myeloma lets you think things are finally going good, like getting good responses from whichever drug your on, only to come back & bite you & bring you down again. It's like a big emotional roller coaster. I've found that with every cycle, it gets harder sometimes to pick myself back up. But i do eventually. My last 'big' event happened 1 1/2 years ago. I told the Dr. that i felt a slight bruising on my left arm, i didn't really think much of it. He ordered xrays & got back to me right away & told me he'd made an appointment the next day for radiation. Seemed like i had a big tumor in my humerus. After going though the CT scan, they wouldn't even let me get off the table by myself, as it could of snapped. I had surgery on that within 3 weeks & that's when they found the same thing on my right arm! I didn't make it to surgery for that one before my right arm broke. I spent most of last year trying to heal & getting in & out of depression. It's almost like you take one step forward & two steps back. During last year though, i knew what was going on in my head, so i just let those thoughts take their course & then affirmed that it was only temporary, that it would pass, & it did. I think the worst was when i had a tumor in my C2, it was like a having a ticking time bomb in your head. But i got through it & the depression that went with it. Depression is a form of fear & it's natural to have, especially with this disease. What keeps me coming back to the positive side of things, is the knowledge that most of those things i really sweated about, never happened!!!!& those that did weren't as bad as i had made them out to be.
My wife & kids go through this every time with me also. It's like we build up hope, only to have it dashed. & every time it happens, it's just a bit harder to get back to that happy place. It helps us to think in terms of just one day at a time & carry on with our lives. Keep on smiling.
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GaryH - Name: GaryH
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: Nov./97
- Age at diagnosis: 44
Re: Pre-existing depression
i am new to this site my mom has multiple myeloma for almost 2 years now
well she very depressed of course as well as in a lot of pain
she did her sct but that didnt work
various chemo treatments and now on chemo taking Velcade
she got a tumor on spine they radiated for 5 days
one week after they have to radiate on her arm for pain
now her lower chest and they said she has fluid they said pleural effusion
we just want her to get better
well she very depressed of course as well as in a lot of pain
she did her sct but that didnt work
various chemo treatments and now on chemo taking Velcade
she got a tumor on spine they radiated for 5 days
one week after they have to radiate on her arm for pain
now her lower chest and they said she has fluid they said pleural effusion
we just want her to get better
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vivianbrissett - Name: Viv
- Who do you know with myeloma?: My mother is stage 3
- When were you/they diagnosed?: almost 2 years ago
- Age at diagnosis: 59
Re: Pre-existing depression
Make an appointment with a psychiatry doctor ASAP, ask for Cynbalta 60mg if that is low get a prescription for 120mg, it helps relief Your depression and modulates energy levels a bit better, I am a Myeloma IGG patient since 09/03/2008, currently the cancer cameback after an autologous StemCells transplant, remember, it is critical that you put together a team of Doctor's local that Will put patient above hospital bottom line ($$$$) and come up with your personal care, not just a protocol, never giveup ! You're not alone, I will Be praying for you and your family, treatment for Myeloma required us to treat our physical, Mental and Spiritual we need to remain positive while facing facts and making life altering decisions, however folks are managing to go beyond 12 years in some sorts of maintenance drugs. Train yourself with acronym of the Myeloma world, M spike, T cells, CBC, WBC, SMOLDER, REFRACTORY, ETC. It's imperative for you being in control of your treatment. Stresses are our biggest enemy.
God blessings be upon on you and your family.
God blessings be upon on you and your family.
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Nomoremyeloma
Re: Pre-existing depression
Hi! On the topic of depression, if you are getting too sad or gloomy, I think you should seek medical help...maybe your family physician can assess you and give you a referral to a psychiatrist. And also, if you can find some activities and exercise to do to keep your mind off your worries, that is really helpful. If you can keep the 'threads' going to your previous lifestyle even as you are going thru multiple myeloma treatments, that can help to ground you. Just whatever you normally would be doing, try to continue on with some of it.
For example, if you like to read or sew or swim, just carry on! Or if you can keep doing your normal work, even at a part-time level, it can help you to focus! That is my 'two bits worth'!
For example, if you like to read or sew or swim, just carry on! Or if you can keep doing your normal work, even at a part-time level, it can help you to focus! That is my 'two bits worth'!
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Nancy Shamanna - Name: Nancy Shamanna
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Self and others too
- When were you/they diagnosed?: July 2009
Re: Pre-existing depression
I had no idea that so many people would be able to relate to the depression aspect of multiple myeloma, although it does make sense, of course. And just the fact that so many people chose to reply has actually lifted my spirits. You people are the best! Really. I wish I could reply to the other people who are in need and post here, but I need to educate myself more first.
I'm on 60mg of Lexipro and see a shrink monthly, which is all that he has time for. I think I'll find someone who has more time to spare.
Again, I thank you all.
I'm on 60mg of Lexipro and see a shrink monthly, which is all that he has time for. I think I'll find someone who has more time to spare.
Again, I thank you all.
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