[Donna1955]

Pain & weird noises, coughing & gurgling during sleep

by Donna1955 on Fri May 26, 2017 10:46 pm

I will try to make this short. It's been a horrible year. In June 2016 my father was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and our family hasn't been the same. My mother called me to give me the bad news and we cried. My mother wasn't very well either, and the stress of my father's cancer put her in her grave. She died October the 2nd, 2016 from high blood pressure and cardiac arrest. This really took a toll on me. I was not expecting that at all.

So that made me the caregiver because my only sister died in 2009 from drowning. So I moved into my father's home to take care of him after mom died. My father and I were not all that close, but his sickness has brought us together. But he drives me crazy. I've never had to go through so much in just a year as I have now. And not only did my mom passed, but February 25, 2017, my father's house burnt down. He had 5 dogs and I had my Yorkie there with me, and we both lost our fur babies. And all of my dad's memories.

So I moved dad into our home because he had no choice unless he wanted to go to a nursing home, and he wasn't having that.

So that's my story and I do have questions about some of the things my father is doing. I think he's giving up and not fighting it any longer. He seems to be in so much pain and hospice comes in twice a week, for now, to check on him. He is sleeping more and constantly asking for pain meds, although he has a strong pain patch that gets changed every 72 hours.

But when dad seems to be sleeping he makes these weird noises like he's possessed or something quite scary. He also gurgles and coughs a lot. But they keep telling me his vitals are normal and his oxygen is normal, and he moans like he's not getting any relief from his pain.

So finally here's my question: Did anyone's loved ones do the same things my father is doing?

They only gave him 3 months to 6 months to live, but it's almost been a year since we got the bad news.

Is he getting closer to dying?

I'm trying to prepare myself and don't want to walk into his room one morning and find him gone.

[bodumene]

Re: Pain & weird noises, coughing & gurgling during sleep

by bodumene on Sat Jul 15, 2017 7:33 pm

Donna,

Perhaps it's not my place to say, but my wife and I were caregivers for her dying parents earlier this year and last. It is my conclusion that when the time has come, it is merciful to allow a person to pass. That is certainly what I want for myself.

My in-laws spent their last days in a nursing home, and although it was a very good one, and they were well taken care of, their quality of life was very low. My mother-in-law especially was ready to go, and was in fact, as it turned out, waiting for "permission" from her children to let go. When my wife and her brother both told her it was OK to go to heaven and be with God and her departed husband, she died peacefully the next morning.

As for the gurgling noises, it is my understanding that this is common due to, I think, the effects of drugs on the lungs and vocal chords. But ask the docs.

Good luck and best wishes to you.

bodumene