This is meant as a humorous attempt to share how my twisted attitudes and dark humor aided me in treatment. It is a litlle tongue in cheek but based in stern reality.
I called myself a Cancer Warrior for awhile after dx. As an old soldier it dawned on me that the ideas of a famous German Air Ace were true. Fighter pilots die, I'm an attack pilot. It then dawned on me that I wanted to be a multiple myeloma serial killer.
As the folks on Criminal Minds say, my stressor was dx. When Dex turned me into a predatory ape with the sleep habits of a meth addict I turned that roid rage onto those little demons in my marrow. I giggled as I killed millions of cells with VelDex. My sorry condition was nothing compared to their death throes. I was happy chemo was so toxic!
When I was trying to barf up my ankle bones during the transplant I revelled in the fact I was wiping out their homeland. The image of a few tough multiple myeloma cells returning to a desolate wasteland did help a bunch.
Such a dark place was a necessary place to visit for awhile but a shabby permanent address. However the return to improving health and early indications of success heralded a return to loving myself back to sound mind and body. It is always love that heals, medicine helps a little.
I hope this helps a few deal with the dark reality of cancer treatment. Whatever your enduring you are eradicating a demon to your health. You might as well enjoy it! If it is too morbid also let me know please.
Forums
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Canuck Bob - Name: Bob
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: Feb. 2011
- Age at diagnosis: 57
Re: Multiple Myeloma turned me into a serial killer!
I like it Bob. Thanks for the idea. 
Best of Luck
Art
Best of Luck
Art
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Art - Name: Art
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Self
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 12/2011
- Age at diagnosis: 40
Re: Multiple Myeloma turned me into a serial killer!
Bob,
I think your "dark humor" is fantastic!!
Lisa B.
I think your "dark humor" is fantastic!!
Lisa B.
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Lisa B. - Name: Lisa B.
- Who do you know with myeloma?: My mother, Barbara Henson
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 10-28-11
- Age at diagnosis: 71
Re: Multiple Myeloma turned me into a serial killer!
I think you and I would get along well Bob. Your humor and my humor seem to drift in similar regions of the netherworld at times.
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Kevin J - Name: Kevin J
- Who do you know with myeloma?: myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: Jan 2011
- Age at diagnosis: 52
Re: Multiple Myeloma turned me into a serial killer!
Well there is one thing about being a touch warped, you sure find folks of the same disposition interesting. I was worried, my wife thought it too morbid for a cancer forum. She puts up with a lot.
I find myself pushed and pulled often by the conflicts that cancer throws at us. Learn to love your cancer while you destroy it with nuclear, chemical, and close combat edged weapons. Hate my cancer while I love my body. I've learned to love treatment because it kills my cancer and hate the cancerous parts of me. Many choose a different emotional raodmap to their benefit. After a year or more it can easily seem like treatment is the enemy, the real beast in the machine rather than myeloma. This has clouded my decision making process more than once.
We all try to understand the disease and make sensible decisions. We then temper the decisions based on real expereiences. Me, I would choose almost anything over Dex. I can't stand how I treat people on the stuff. Every time I took it I assured myself this time would be different, it wasn't. So when faced with questions about maintenance therapy Rev was easy for me.
Maintenance was a tough decision. They want me on a thalidimide derivative. I'm old enough to know a lot about thalidimide no one wants to talk about.. I am so tired of toxic dna altering medication, pumping salt water instead of real blood, an immune system less capable than a newborn's. Then I read up on Rev. I liked how it disrupted the processes that supports the myeloma cell. Then I gave my head a shake. Myeloma is the enemy not Rev. Reproduction is not an issue and it was an anti-nausea drug, what a pleasant change from all the other chemos! The decision required a clear head and was very important. However making it because I was tired of treatment or fear of manageable side effects was not appropriate.
I'm a serial killer of myeloma. Chemo killed enough to remove the nasty effects of myeloma, ASCT laid waste the homeland that supported myelomas efforts, now Rev is disrupting the communication and command of the remaining tough guerilla fighter cells. I'm tolerating 15mg well and asking about 25mg soon. However long term use is not decided yet.
I find myself pushed and pulled often by the conflicts that cancer throws at us. Learn to love your cancer while you destroy it with nuclear, chemical, and close combat edged weapons. Hate my cancer while I love my body. I've learned to love treatment because it kills my cancer and hate the cancerous parts of me. Many choose a different emotional raodmap to their benefit. After a year or more it can easily seem like treatment is the enemy, the real beast in the machine rather than myeloma. This has clouded my decision making process more than once.
We all try to understand the disease and make sensible decisions. We then temper the decisions based on real expereiences. Me, I would choose almost anything over Dex. I can't stand how I treat people on the stuff. Every time I took it I assured myself this time would be different, it wasn't. So when faced with questions about maintenance therapy Rev was easy for me.
Maintenance was a tough decision. They want me on a thalidimide derivative. I'm old enough to know a lot about thalidimide no one wants to talk about.. I am so tired of toxic dna altering medication, pumping salt water instead of real blood, an immune system less capable than a newborn's. Then I read up on Rev. I liked how it disrupted the processes that supports the myeloma cell. Then I gave my head a shake. Myeloma is the enemy not Rev. Reproduction is not an issue and it was an anti-nausea drug, what a pleasant change from all the other chemos! The decision required a clear head and was very important. However making it because I was tired of treatment or fear of manageable side effects was not appropriate.
I'm a serial killer of myeloma. Chemo killed enough to remove the nasty effects of myeloma, ASCT laid waste the homeland that supported myelomas efforts, now Rev is disrupting the communication and command of the remaining tough guerilla fighter cells. I'm tolerating 15mg well and asking about 25mg soon. However long term use is not decided yet.
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Canuck Bob - Name: Bob
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: Feb. 2011
- Age at diagnosis: 57
Re: Multiple Myeloma turned me into a serial killer!
Love it! Especially the "barfing my ankles".
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rumnting - Who do you know with myeloma?: husband
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 4/9/11
- Age at diagnosis: 54
Re: Multiple Myeloma turned me into a serial killer!
rum&ting wrote:
> Love it! Especially the "barfing my ankles".
Certainly "I was sick to my stomach" doesn't define the experience. I really think the word nausea doesn't do our experience's justice. Toxnausea is my vote, a place nausea goes to learn about chemo nausea!
Fatigue is another one. "Bone tired" is closer. "Destroyed bone marrow tired" is closest!
> Love it! Especially the "barfing my ankles".
Certainly "I was sick to my stomach" doesn't define the experience. I really think the word nausea doesn't do our experience's justice. Toxnausea is my vote, a place nausea goes to learn about chemo nausea!
Fatigue is another one. "Bone tired" is closer. "Destroyed bone marrow tired" is closest!
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Canuck Bob - Name: Bob
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: Feb. 2011
- Age at diagnosis: 57
Re: Multiple Myeloma turned me into a serial killer!
We all have our ways of visualizing what we are doing with our treatments to our cells. While I was barfing my ankles out I had people start doing cell dances for me so that my blood cell numbers would start to rise. Lo, and behold, within a day of the cell dances starting my good numbers began to climb.
Nancy
Nancy
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NStewart - Name: Nancy Stewart
- Who do you know with myeloma?: self
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 3/08
- Age at diagnosis: 60
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