I have tried everything. (I do mean everything. You don't want to know
) The only effective resistance, unfortunately, has been semisynthetic opioids. I'm certain everyone on this board will know how gladly doctors prescribe gradually increasing doses of oxycodone (I live in Manhattan; I'm listening to Prince right now, it just occurs to me). The pain of the hip replacement and even a fractured tooth is nothing compared to this malady. At first, I thought it was related to alcohol consumption; I used to drink freely. (I'm a 46 year old male, diagnosed ten years ago, in remission for five years.) I completely excised alcohol – I mean not a SINGLE drink for years now – to no avail. Palliative care at the cancer center refuses to see me because they believe I'm "problematic" – i.e. a drug addict: an impression wrought in part, I believe, because of the rather sensationalist fashion I've been marketed by my publishers in America and Europe: I'm a published writer, and my nonfiction account of illness and recovery attracted some attention due to the explicit, candid nature of the authorial persona.I'm extremely fortunate to have found a gifted psychiatrist specializing in the fields of psychosomatic medicine, psycho-oncology, and palliative care. (I'd have committed suicide if I hadn't found him, for different reasons.) But even his patience is being tested by the debilitating level of pain. Just yesterday, my dosage was increased. It's very high. I'm concerned, but at the same time, cancer robbed me of the years that are typically crucial for my profession: the career of a professional artist is among the most demanding and competitive of any vocation in the Western world (witness Prince). I'm unwilling to become a "professional survivor" and would rather survive on professionally dispensed narcotics for the rest of my life than retire. Without narcotics, the pain is manageable only to a certain level, one that prohibits concentration and writing, let alone anything in the realm of physical activity. I'm quite certain, informally, that I'm in much the same position as that which has accounted for several deaths of artists in the public arena, and I'm considering doing some formal investigation into this area in collaboration with medical professionals.
But meanwhile, is there any further new information about this? My prescribing clinician is prescribing primarily on the basis of trust. That's it. Were it not for his insight and perception, I most likely would have (a) sought relief from the pain and (b) faculty for career performance in the domain of the illegal drug trade, and as such I would be at terrible risk. I've been literally thrown out of hospitals, and, as I said before, my own hospital's palliative care branch refuses to treat me. I have zero record of drug addiction – I can't even tolerate marijuana – not that that should matter anyway. The good part of all this is that narcotics /are/ effective, and with the medication I'm happy and productive.
Nothing shows up on scans, x-rays, etc. Before I came across this thread, I sometimes wondered if mental factors were playing a significant, or even sole, factor in the sensation.
I would be extraordinarily grateful for any responses, anecdotal or otherwise. I have been diagnosed with osteoarthritis and slight avascular necrosis in the other hip that will probably require replacement at some point, but the "throb" I'm describing is /not/ either of those things.
