[vicstir]

Just Sharing

by vicstir on Sun Dec 11, 2016 7:19 am

Autumn is a good time

I think about death more then I should.
But if you had, what I have, than maybe you would.
I came to think about, when will the time be right?
I came up with; autumn for me is a good time to die.

Spring is no good, all new and fresh.
Blossoms and babies new to the breast.
A promise of warmer weather and growth to come.
Getting out of the shelter and into the sun.

Summer no way, life is too good.
Playing in the water as anyone should.
Santa is coming, New years as well.
A hope for better things, at the toll of the bell.

Winter too much already, the cold brings you down.
But if you stay indoors and hunker down.
Keep the frost outside and the warmth in doors.
The fire keeps you cosy, who could ask for more?

Autumn so pretty as the leaves lose their green.
Many a favourite sight in autumn I’ve seen.
It’s not too hot it’s not too cold.
This wether to me, is magic, its gold.

It is not just about the whether but how I see it for you.
How can I make it easier when my time is through?
I don’t want it to be a special time of the year.
So no birthdays or Christmas or special days near.

Autumn in my life its where I be.
You are in spring, a long way from me
My summer is over, the frolicking all done.
I won’t see the winter my time is near come.

My bones all ache and I feel unwell.
My symptoms returning though I dare not tell.
To set everyone into panic not what I need.
I have told you subtly planted the seed.

You are both so young you barely understand.
But I don’t want my ills to be the focus or demand.
You need to grow and live and not be burdened.
Of what is to be, what I know for certain.

This secret I keep because no one can understand this.
That I am dying and you don’t deserve this.
To be left motherless way too early.
But you will be ok I know this surely.

I was born in the autumn. It is then I will die.
Morn through the winter, and if you must, cry.
But when the spring comes and the cold weather’s past
Pick yourself up and don’t let sadness last.

Live your lives be happy let the summer see you through.
Because that is what you dear mum wants for you.
To get on with living never wallow never mope.
Fall in love, raise a family, for you, this I do hope.

When the summer is over and the leaves change again.
Think of me once and let that be the end.
Don’t hang on to sadness no more tears live your life,
And know for me, that, autumn was a good time to die.

Your Mum

Last edited by vicstir on Tue Dec 13, 2016 2:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

[mikeb]

Re: Just Sharing

by mikeb on Sun Dec 11, 2016 11:21 pm

Wow, Vic.

That's a tremendously poignant poem. I hope it's many autumns in the future before your time comes. But from what you said in the poem, I get the sense that you expect that time to be soon.

I noticed from your profile that you are young for myeloma, in your early 40's now. And I imagine you have young children from what you said in the poem. I can't imagine how hard it must be to have myeloma and have children who are not adults yet. In my case, my children are grown, finished with college, and off on their own. They are out of the nest, so that will make it easier for me when my time comes.

Please know that your poem stopped me in my tracks tonight.

I'm wishing the best for you.

Mike

[vicstir]

Re: Just Sharing

by vicstir on Sun Dec 11, 2016 11:57 pm

Thanks Mike,

I too hope it is a few autumns away. As we all know, we can't control it. My children are 7 and 8. I would consider myself lucky to see them to their teens.

All I know is my levels are rising and that is what inspired the poem. I am not sure what the next step for me is, by way of treatment. As I sit here replying. I am not sure if I am strong enough to go through all those needles and stuff again. I wonder if it is worthwhile. I know that makes me weak, but that is how I feel.

Leaving kids behind would not be easy for anyone. Regardless of their age.

But it is our reality.

Vic

[Rhonda]

Re: Just Sharing

by Rhonda on Mon Dec 12, 2016 9:48 am

Hi Vic

I too read your poem and was touched by it. Autumn does seem like a perfect time if one has a choice, but I hope you have many more autumns with your children. Holidays can be hard even if you don't have cancer and numbers that aren't responding like we want them to. Sometimes it is hard to look at the glass half full, and to be so young like you, only makes it more difficult. I hope and pray you will find strength to continue fighting this terrible disease not only for yourself but for your family.

Best regards,

Rhonda

[vicstir]

Re: Just Sharing

by vicstir on Thu Dec 15, 2016 8:29 am

Gday Rhonda

Thank you also for your kind words. I was just having a moment. I think we all do and are a little entitled to every now and then.

Realistically I can't complain. I have had and still am having a good life. I know I am "young" for this disease. In general I have achieved what I believe we are meant to in life.

Granted I wouldn't mind being around a few more years. I have accepted that each day is precious from here on in. I just feel at a loss sometimes, worrying about how can I prepare my children. I really don't have the answer. Too much information will scare the hell out of them. Then not enough could take them by surprise.

Whatever will be huh!

Vicki