This is a very private matter, but I need guidance. My husband, age 59, was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in January 2015.
Kidney failure and multiple myeloma diagnosed. Creatinine at 7, 10,000 light chain. Dialysis started immediately and lasted 3 months. Velcade subq and dex now. Creatinine at 2 and light chains 35. Velcade shot now once a week!
He is doing well overall, walks 3 miles a day, a bit depressed and tired, and wanting to return to normal sex life, which includes oral intimate contact with me, his wife. I have read too much about the possibility of infection to concede. Doctor says no.
Any words of wisdom on this? I told him I would pose the question here. Thank you, Beacon.
Forums
9 posts
• Page 1 of 1
-
moose55 - Name: COV
- Who do you know with myeloma?: spouse
- When were you/they diagnosed?: Jan 2015
- Age at diagnosis: 59
Re: Intimate relations & infection risk during treatment
My husband is 3.5 years post-transplant, with still active disease. We never have thought to ask his doctor your question, but have not abandoned that type of activity from our intimacy. He has not had any infections, other than one upper respiratory infection recently that I had also and was also going around amongst the staff at the infusion center.
I would like to hear your doctor's rational for saying no.
I would like to hear your doctor's rational for saying no.
-
rumnting - Who do you know with myeloma?: husband
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 4/9/11
- Age at diagnosis: 54
Re: Intimate relations & infection risk during treatment
Welcome to the forum, moose55.
I am glad you asked your question. I think multiple myeloma often results in issues related to intimacy, yet people are just too shy to seek advice or support when it comes to anything related to that subject. I think it's great that you did.
I suspect, as you've suggested, that your doctor is concerned about the possibility of infection if your husband would engage in oral sex. Does your husband have any signs of being more susceptible to infections? Has he gotten colds or other infections regularly since his diagnosis? Are his white blood cell counts low, or are his "uninvolved" immunoglobulins below normal levels. (If your husband has IgG myeloma -- just as an example -- then his "uninvolved" immunoglobulins would be his IgA and IgM immunoglobulins.)
I would consider asking your husband's doctor to explain a little more the rationale for his / her recommendation on this subject. Perhaps, by bringing it up again, you could explore some sort of compromise solution.
For example, one common way to prevent the spread of infection during oral sex performed on a woman is through the use of a "dental dam". This is just a thin sheet of latex that acts as a barrier to the transmission of infection. There is plenty of information on the topic on the Internet, including information about how to make "home made" dental dams from condoms.
I do hope that you and your husband find a solution to this issue that works well for both of you, and which his doctor is also comfortable with.
Good luck!
I am glad you asked your question. I think multiple myeloma often results in issues related to intimacy, yet people are just too shy to seek advice or support when it comes to anything related to that subject. I think it's great that you did.
I suspect, as you've suggested, that your doctor is concerned about the possibility of infection if your husband would engage in oral sex. Does your husband have any signs of being more susceptible to infections? Has he gotten colds or other infections regularly since his diagnosis? Are his white blood cell counts low, or are his "uninvolved" immunoglobulins below normal levels. (If your husband has IgG myeloma -- just as an example -- then his "uninvolved" immunoglobulins would be his IgA and IgM immunoglobulins.)
I would consider asking your husband's doctor to explain a little more the rationale for his / her recommendation on this subject. Perhaps, by bringing it up again, you could explore some sort of compromise solution.
For example, one common way to prevent the spread of infection during oral sex performed on a woman is through the use of a "dental dam". This is just a thin sheet of latex that acts as a barrier to the transmission of infection. There is plenty of information on the topic on the Internet, including information about how to make "home made" dental dams from condoms.
I do hope that you and your husband find a solution to this issue that works well for both of you, and which his doctor is also comfortable with.
Good luck!
Re: Intimate relations & infection risk during treatment
moose55-
I have no answers or suggestions for you that haven't already been given to you. But, I applaud you for asking the question. We don't normally feel comfortable enough to ask questions of sexual activity and sexuality in relation to living with cancer. These are extremely important topics to raise since having an active sexual life with your partner, if this is a normal part of your relationship, is an affirmation of continuing to "live".
Nancy in Phila
I have no answers or suggestions for you that haven't already been given to you. But, I applaud you for asking the question. We don't normally feel comfortable enough to ask questions of sexual activity and sexuality in relation to living with cancer. These are extremely important topics to raise since having an active sexual life with your partner, if this is a normal part of your relationship, is an affirmation of continuing to "live".
Nancy in Phila
-
NStewart - Name: Nancy Stewart
- Who do you know with myeloma?: self
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 3/08
- Age at diagnosis: 60
Re: Intimate relations & infection risk during treatment
Thank you Beacon comrades for your responses. I appreciate those that take the time to consider the odd questions/concerns such as mine. My husband has only had multiple myeloma symptoms for 5 and 1/2 months. No infections yet but I do not want to be cavalier about the disease and possibility of infection.
While I printed out your responses for him to bring with to the Oncologist to discuss (he sees her only 1x a month), he forgot them and just asked her again (he drives fine and walks 3 miles a day). She is still not in favor of oral sex on me and I am fine with that, he is not.
COV
While I printed out your responses for him to bring with to the Oncologist to discuss (he sees her only 1x a month), he forgot them and just asked her again (he drives fine and walks 3 miles a day). She is still not in favor of oral sex on me and I am fine with that, he is not.
COV
-
COV
Re: Intimate relations & infection risk during treatment
Dental dams are an excellent solution, but latex gloves are easier to find and if you cut off the fingers, and slice up the side you get a very large, easy to use sheet of latex with the thumb remaining which can be inserted into the vagina.
I know for my husband, so much of his normal life and his sense of agency was taken away during treatment. He had major bone damage, so LOTS of things were off the table. Hell, MOST things were off the table. But it mattered to him that he was still my husband and that we were still sexually intimate. We found ways to make our sex life work.
If using a barrier allows your husband to do something that's important to him and make him feel more normal during treatment, then why not go for it.
I know for my husband, so much of his normal life and his sense of agency was taken away during treatment. He had major bone damage, so LOTS of things were off the table. Hell, MOST things were off the table. But it mattered to him that he was still my husband and that we were still sexually intimate. We found ways to make our sex life work.
If using a barrier allows your husband to do something that's important to him and make him feel more normal during treatment, then why not go for it.
-
LisaE - Name: Lisa
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Husband
- When were you/they diagnosed?: April 2014
- Age at diagnosis: 67
Re: Intimate relations & infection risk during treatment
I would suggest that you read up on the actual causes of death for multiple myeloma patients. It is usually not the multiple myeloma itself but other problems, such as blood clots in the lungs and pneumonia or other forms of communicable diseases, which is reason enough to not go to what used to be familiar places of relaxation and fun!
That being said, I think everyone ought to do what they personally feel comfortable doing.
N.G.
That being said, I think everyone ought to do what they personally feel comfortable doing.
N.G.
-
Nipon Ginko - Name: Nipon Ginko
- Who do you know with myeloma?: ME
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 2004
- Age at diagnosis: 66
Re: Intimate relations & infection risk during treatment
I lived through the plague years of AIDS when my friends were dying, and we all had to adapt to safer sex. It's not hard to keep sex in your life and still reduce the risks of infection. It's just that most straight couples have never thought about it.
Learning how to play safe seems a much better answer than cutting sex out of our lives. We may not ski anymore
but we can still frolic.
Learning how to play safe seems a much better answer than cutting sex out of our lives. We may not ski anymore
but we can still frolic.-
Anonymous
Re: Intimate relations & infection risk during treatment
Maintaining intimacy in your relationships is an important part of continuing to live and love. Intimacy can be realized in many ways other than penitrative sexual relations. But, if traditional sexual relations are the way that you want to continue, be sure to be safe. This is for all people no matter your orientation or age or health.
Nancy in Phila
Nancy in Phila
-
NStewart - Name: Nancy Stewart
- Who do you know with myeloma?: self
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 3/08
- Age at diagnosis: 60
9 posts
• Page 1 of 1