I have had multiple myeloma for 5 years.
I had an autologous stem cell transplant 3 years ago, that kept me in partial remission until 8 months ago, when my protein jumped in one month from 7 to 18 g/l (0.7 to 1.8 g/dL).
As I had increased my weight from my previous stem cell collection by 18 kilos (40 lbs), I don't have enough at this time for a second transplant.
My oncologist was able to get me on a compassionate grounds program at the hospital, which I go to twice a week.
I have also had a CT scan two weeks ago which showed clots on both my lungs, so now I have to inject myself everyday also (discovered because of shortness of breath).
My dilemma is my mother in law is saying to all of our family and friends (never to me) that I am not sick. If I was so unwell all these years, I would be dead by now!
I have gained all this weight and when she calls I always sound so happy that there couldn't be anything wrong with me! (who wants to sound miserable every time they get a call?).
What do I do?
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Tori - Name: Victoria
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Self
- When were you/they diagnosed?: June 2013
- Age at diagnosis: 56
Re: Family member telling others that I'm not sick
Tori,
I'm sorry that you have to put up with this. You have enough on your plate as it is.
I can't say I have a definitive solution for you, but here are some thoughts.
If your mother in law is saying such disrespectful and insensitive things, I would have to guess that she has made, well, disrespectful and insensitive comments before about other things. If so, I imagine you have developed some ways of dealing with it that you could use in the present situation. But I would suggest you discuss it with your husband, and perhaps he could explain to his mother what you are going through. Also, perhaps he could ask her for her help in supporting you emotionally. I think a positive approach, requesting her help, might be more effective than criticizing her.
I gather from the information you posted that you are around 60 years old. I would therefore guess your mother in law is in her 80's, and probably facing health problems of her own, and even her own mortality. Perhaps a discussion with her about her problems, which she may feel (I am just conjecturing) are in competition with yours, might help, especially if she feels that not enough attention is being paid to HER problems.
When my wife had breast cancer and had to have radiation, she tried to be upbeat and not worry her parents. As a result, her parents had no inhibitions running her around doing their errands, and expecting her to be full of energy, etc. When I mentioned your situation to my wife, she suggested I mention this to you, and suggested you might want to complain a little more.
As for your friends and other family members, I would hope you have good enough communication with them that you could explain that you try not to worry your mother in law, and as a result she doesn't really know the true extent of your health situation.
I know this does not give you a definitive solution, but I hope it helps you to think about the problem in different ways. Good luck to you, I wish you the best.
bodumene
I'm sorry that you have to put up with this. You have enough on your plate as it is.
I can't say I have a definitive solution for you, but here are some thoughts.
If your mother in law is saying such disrespectful and insensitive things, I would have to guess that she has made, well, disrespectful and insensitive comments before about other things. If so, I imagine you have developed some ways of dealing with it that you could use in the present situation. But I would suggest you discuss it with your husband, and perhaps he could explain to his mother what you are going through. Also, perhaps he could ask her for her help in supporting you emotionally. I think a positive approach, requesting her help, might be more effective than criticizing her.
I gather from the information you posted that you are around 60 years old. I would therefore guess your mother in law is in her 80's, and probably facing health problems of her own, and even her own mortality. Perhaps a discussion with her about her problems, which she may feel (I am just conjecturing) are in competition with yours, might help, especially if she feels that not enough attention is being paid to HER problems.
When my wife had breast cancer and had to have radiation, she tried to be upbeat and not worry her parents. As a result, her parents had no inhibitions running her around doing their errands, and expecting her to be full of energy, etc. When I mentioned your situation to my wife, she suggested I mention this to you, and suggested you might want to complain a little more.
As for your friends and other family members, I would hope you have good enough communication with them that you could explain that you try not to worry your mother in law, and as a result she doesn't really know the true extent of your health situation.
I know this does not give you a definitive solution, but I hope it helps you to think about the problem in different ways. Good luck to you, I wish you the best.
bodumene
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bodumene - Name: bodumene
- Who do you know with myeloma?: myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: January, 2017
Re: Family member telling others that I'm not sick
Sorry, but what others think should be the least of your worries. Anyone who really is interested can easily find out more about multiple myeloma and understand what it's all about.
Hang in there and do what's best for you!
Hang in there and do what's best for you!
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jrj001 - Name: Jim
- Who do you know with myeloma?: myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 3/15
- Age at diagnosis: 61
Re: Family member telling others that I'm not sick
Thank you both so much for taking the time to share your thoughts.
I sometimes think my mother in law is jealous of the amount of time and the great relationship I have with her son (my husband). She is still as sharp as a whip, and even though she is 90, she would walk over most 60 year olds. Still drives, own house, out every day, etc., so it is by no means coming from old age. Just plain jealous I think.
I'm just taking some time out from her at the moment. We used to talk or see each other at least once or twice a week, and had what I thought was a great relationship, but now I feel like I can't trust her, and I haven't heard from her in 8 weeks (guilty conscience perhaps?).
I sometimes think my mother in law is jealous of the amount of time and the great relationship I have with her son (my husband). She is still as sharp as a whip, and even though she is 90, she would walk over most 60 year olds. Still drives, own house, out every day, etc., so it is by no means coming from old age. Just plain jealous I think.
I'm just taking some time out from her at the moment. We used to talk or see each other at least once or twice a week, and had what I thought was a great relationship, but now I feel like I can't trust her, and I haven't heard from her in 8 weeks (guilty conscience perhaps?).
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Tori - Name: Victoria
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Self
- When were you/they diagnosed?: June 2013
- Age at diagnosis: 56
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