It has been 4 weeks since my stem cell transplant on November 7th. Most of the side effects from drugs and the procedure have gone away. The doctors also say I'm doing really well. All my bloodwork falls within standard ranges. I do have a lot of leg pain due to bone loss in my left pelvic region, which has kept me in a wheel chair or on crutches.
I feel so depressed every day, however, and have zero motivation to do anything. worried about finances, cancer coming back, and just whether I will ever walk again unaided. In a lot of ways the depression is worse than the physical pain.
I started going to counseling every week and it helps. My wife has been my caregiver and she is amazing in her care and compassion, but I just can't shake this depression.
Is this something that is common after a stem cell transplant? Will it go away?
It has put bad thoughts in my head. The only comfort is to sleep as much as possible. I'm on antidepressants and have been for years, so depression is nothing new for me, but this is the worst.
Any advice or help will be appreciated.
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bklynite53 - Name: Stewart Bakalchuck
- Who do you know with myeloma?: me
- When were you/they diagnosed?: June 2017
- Age at diagnosis: 64
Re: Deep depression after stem cell transplant
Stewart,
Just keep taking it one day at a time. Your body has endured quite a disruption of processes during the transplant (even though the transplant is beneficial for myeloma treatment), and it is only reasonable that disruptions to emotions would occur.
I wish I had better advice or could help, but mostly I can assure you that you’re not alone. I had an autologous stem cell transplant in March of this year, and my absolute worst problem is “zero motivation,” as you mentioned. My oncologist said lack of motivation is caused by depression, not severe fatigue, as I had thought. Antidepressants are not helping thus far, but I know they take time.
It is good that you are receiving counseling. Many hurtful emotions stem from our thought processes and worries, and counseling should help better regulate thinking. It’s okay to validate your concerns and why you have them. Then know that you will live the best life you can with whatever circumstance you have.
Very best wishes to you.
Shirley
Just keep taking it one day at a time. Your body has endured quite a disruption of processes during the transplant (even though the transplant is beneficial for myeloma treatment), and it is only reasonable that disruptions to emotions would occur.
I wish I had better advice or could help, but mostly I can assure you that you’re not alone. I had an autologous stem cell transplant in March of this year, and my absolute worst problem is “zero motivation,” as you mentioned. My oncologist said lack of motivation is caused by depression, not severe fatigue, as I had thought. Antidepressants are not helping thus far, but I know they take time.
It is good that you are receiving counseling. Many hurtful emotions stem from our thought processes and worries, and counseling should help better regulate thinking. It’s okay to validate your concerns and why you have them. Then know that you will live the best life you can with whatever circumstance you have.
Very best wishes to you.
Shirley
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Shirley M - Name: Shirley M
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: January 2016
- Age at diagnosis: 57
Re: Deep depression after stem cell transplant
Hi Stewart,
I had my autologous stem cell transplant last April, and I did go through a bout of depression afterward, despite the fact that it appeared to be quite successful. It lasted about two months.
I have no idea how common it is, but I do know that depression is not unusual after any major medical procedure. I discovered that back in 2003 when I experienced very significant depression after a quaduple heart bypass operation. I started reading up on the subject and found that anyone who undergoes a significant medical procedure is at risk of depression.
The fact that you are pursuing counseling is great news; that, combined with an anti-depressant is what helped me back in 2003. More recently, seeing a therapist really helped me feel better after my transplant. Like you, I suffered from apathy and lack of motivation.
You mentioned that it’s only been four weeks since your transplant. That’s still early days. Keep up the counseling sessions and give yourself more time. The odds are in your favor that you’ll come out of this before too long. Until then, I want to reinforce Shirley’s suggestion about taking life one day at a time. Those worries you mention are making things tougher for you. Try to stay in the present. You’ll be in a better place to tackle the future once you feel better.
As you mention, you have blessings – good news from your doctors concerning the results of the transplant, and your wife is a wonderful caregiver. You won’t have to tackle your worries alone when and if the time comes. But for now, try to live in the moment and share your feelings as openly as you can with your therapist or counselor.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
I had my autologous stem cell transplant last April, and I did go through a bout of depression afterward, despite the fact that it appeared to be quite successful. It lasted about two months.
I have no idea how common it is, but I do know that depression is not unusual after any major medical procedure. I discovered that back in 2003 when I experienced very significant depression after a quaduple heart bypass operation. I started reading up on the subject and found that anyone who undergoes a significant medical procedure is at risk of depression.
The fact that you are pursuing counseling is great news; that, combined with an anti-depressant is what helped me back in 2003. More recently, seeing a therapist really helped me feel better after my transplant. Like you, I suffered from apathy and lack of motivation.
You mentioned that it’s only been four weeks since your transplant. That’s still early days. Keep up the counseling sessions and give yourself more time. The odds are in your favor that you’ll come out of this before too long. Until then, I want to reinforce Shirley’s suggestion about taking life one day at a time. Those worries you mention are making things tougher for you. Try to stay in the present. You’ll be in a better place to tackle the future once you feel better.
As you mention, you have blessings – good news from your doctors concerning the results of the transplant, and your wife is a wonderful caregiver. You won’t have to tackle your worries alone when and if the time comes. But for now, try to live in the moment and share your feelings as openly as you can with your therapist or counselor.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
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MrPotatohead - Name: MrPotatohead
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Me
- When were you/they diagnosed?: March, 2015
- Age at diagnosis: 65
Re: Deep depression after stem cell transplant
Sorry to hear about your depression, it sucks terribly. My heart goes out to you. Shortly after my autologous stem cell transplant, I started on low dose Celexa (citalopram) for depression. It worked and continues to this day.
Your normal bouts of depression are to be expected after the first "Big C" chat with the doctor. Like me, you have a loving and caring wife and will get through this. Managing depression alone is depression inducing. Your plan of professional help and concern for others will work as you develop more strategies.
Your normal bouts of depression are to be expected after the first "Big C" chat with the doctor. Like me, you have a loving and caring wife and will get through this. Managing depression alone is depression inducing. Your plan of professional help and concern for others will work as you develop more strategies.
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Canuck Bob - Name: Bob
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: Feb. 2011
- Age at diagnosis: 57
Re: Deep depression after stem cell transplant
Thank you all for the kind words and support. I'm going to try a new antidepressant drug when I see my therapist next week. I know its a long road and I will do the best I can do.
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bklynite53 - Name: Stewart Bakalchuck
- Who do you know with myeloma?: me
- When were you/they diagnosed?: June 2017
- Age at diagnosis: 64
Re: Deep depression after stem cell transplant
So sorry to hear about your depression. I had my autologous stem cell transplant on November 14, 2017 and still struggle with lack of energy and some digestive issues. I don't think depression is an issue, but I do have moments where I get scared that the transplant didn't work for some reason. My M-spike bounced back up a bit during the time between I stopped treatment and had the transplant, and it's too early to assess the impact on the myeloma. All my blood work is good thus far and the doctors say I'm doing fine.
Please take care and know that it should get better as time goes on; it is quite a trauma to your system, even if everything is going well.
Please take care and know that it should get better as time goes on; it is quite a trauma to your system, even if everything is going well.
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GoDucks - Name: GoDucks
- Who do you know with myeloma?: me
- When were you/they diagnosed?: March, 2017
- Age at diagnosis: 61
Re: Deep depression after stem cell transplant
Like everyone says, depression seems pretty common after a stem cell transplant. You're in good company.
Forcing myself to get some exercise helped me. At first it was just walking around a small block. Then a slightly bigger block. Just getting outside and seeing people, dogs, birds, the beauty of nature, was a good starting point. A bit later, I could do a bit of grocery shopping, although I had to stop and rest in the middle. Still, it's taking those first small steps toward getting your life back that make the difference.
The main thing is to get started.
Wish you well.
Forcing myself to get some exercise helped me. At first it was just walking around a small block. Then a slightly bigger block. Just getting outside and seeing people, dogs, birds, the beauty of nature, was a good starting point. A bit later, I could do a bit of grocery shopping, although I had to stop and rest in the middle. Still, it's taking those first small steps toward getting your life back that make the difference.
The main thing is to get started.
Wish you well.
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faithoverfear - Who do you know with myeloma?: me
- When were you/they diagnosed?: Sept 2014
- Age at diagnosis: 63
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