[frustrated_kid]

Coping with Dad's multiple myeloma

by frustrated_kid on Thu Oct 10, 2013 10:51 am

Morning,

I have been active in this forum for years; but I'm using a different username for my own reasons.

My Dad's diagnosis of multiple myeloma in mid-2010 has been very hard for him, me, and Mom. It is obvious that Dad has been suffering all these times. But the impact on me and my Mom, both physically and psychologically, cannot be underestimated.

I was a Teaching Assistant in one of the best Civil Engineering school in the US. I was passionate about my subject, and I was sent by my Professor to world conferences to present about our research. Then, soon after I had my Master's degree, I was "forced" to go home, to Asia, to take care of the family business, and of course, my Dad. I was disappointed; but I loved my family more than my passion in my field.

But, Dad brings so many negative energy to our home. He would whine, dictate and summon us without any empathy. There were times where I cried and genuinely thought of suicide. I was very aggressive on the roads, simply because I was not afraid to die. I'm back to smoking cigarettes. I was thinking to use drugs but thankfully my sane mind was apparently still working. In conclusion, I have lost my mind.

Same with Mom--she has lost a lot of weight, and she was under constant stress, especially when it comes to cooking. She would prepare a lot of food, and Dad would simply reject it without any appreciation. It is killing her, and it is also killing me to see her crying.

I didn't realize that he was my stressor until he had ASCT recently. He was away for about one month, and I have never felt that positive energy since I went back home from the US. And now he's been back for two weeks, and I'm, again, sad, crying and depressed.

I'm more worried about my Mom. She is not young, and she is susceptible to all kinds of diseases if she's constantly stressed, which, apparently, she has been like that for the past three over years.

I wonder if my Dad passed away, things would get better. But I hate to see this as a solution. I'd like him to be healthy, back to normal, or at least like he was during the induction therapy. ASCT has been really hard on us.

Sorry for the rant.

[NStewart]

Re: Coping with Dad's multiple myeloma

by NStewart on Thu Oct 10, 2013 12:24 pm

No need to apologize for ranting. It sounds like both you and your mother need to be able to rant about your father's behavior. Are there any caregiver support groups in your area? If so, I would suggest that both you and your mother join one.

Both you and your mother may even consider getting some counseling, too. Is there a social worker, spiritual counselor, psychologist at your father's cancer center who you can talk too?

You and your mother obviously need some support in helping you to live with your father and his journey through multiple myeloma. Your father may even need some support in dealing with his emotional needs living with cancer.

Stay away from the drugs and alcohol other than an occasional drink. Best to both you and your mother and to your father's continued recovery from his ASCT.

Nancy in Phila