Could I handle dex?  Would I ever be standing tall again without pain?   Could such a new drug as Velcade restore my bone marrow to health?  How about the side effects?

These were the unanswered questions of my universe in the early autumn of 2009.

During that time, my family and I all became very familiar with the cancer center.  Lovely artwork, all donated or on loan, brightened the walls of the hallways.  Volunteers served tea in bone china teacups and biscuits every afternoon to the patients.  Staff were friendly, and a …

Deana celebrated the big 4-oh on May 5 in a manner favored by our family – on a cruise ship.  I celebrated by spending the day with Darrie, in what is becoming a tradition for us three sisters – Pittsburgh Marathon Weekend.

As we were facing our demon, multiple myeloma, last year at this time, I began suggesting a grand plan for Deana’s 40^th birthday – a party at the restaurant Deana has chosen for my pre-race carbo load, family and friend participation in the Saturday 5K race, and the marathon/half-marathon on …

When we were kids, I bet almost no one ever said, “I want to be an oncology nurse when I grow up!”

All nurses are important.  But oncology nurses are special.  To spend four or five days a week doing hands-on work with cancer patients can be a thankless job.  Sure, there are lots of victories these days – patients are living longer than ever after receiving treatment for most cancers.   But losing patients who have invariably become friends can’t be easy.

Most of the oncology nurses that I have gotten to …

File this one away in the ‘I Don't Think They Love Me Anymore’ drawer.  Here’s how a recent phone call went:

“Thank you, Mr. Murray. I will be sure to mark this request urgent. Is there anything else that I may do for you?”

“Yes, there is, actually – and thanks for asking. According to my notes, there have been one, two, three, let’s see, at least six people who have told me that they’ve marked my request urgent and yet, after three months, my problem still isn’t fixed. I am beginning …

When my stem cells were harvested and put in the deep freeze in June 2010, my hematologist said the timing for the transplant was not yet critical.  As long as my blood counts remained reasonably level, and as long I could tolerate the side effects of Revlimid (lenalidomide) and dexamethasone (Decadron), he felt I could postpone the procedure.

A few weeks after the stem cell harvest, I retired from my job because of dexamethasone-related side effects (see my related Beacon column).  I also believed the stem cell procedure would …

We do not choose chronic illness – it chooses us. Being tapped on the shoulder by multiple myeloma is an invitation into a deeper experience of life, whether we like it or not.

Expressive writing is a useful practice for mining the depths of what is inside. Support groups frequently draw upon writing exercises, and studies have found that writing actually promotes true healing.

For those who want to use writing practice for self-discovery, I recommend a simple exercise beginning with the phrase “I remember.”

I remember pink and black tiled bathrooms …

Two to three years.

That's what the first doctor told me the average survival for multiple myeloma was.

Not long after my diagnosis, I was making a list of things I needed to take care of while I could and, for all practical purposes, starting to plan my own funeral.

Fortunately, my second doctor was more knowledgeable about multiple myeloma, and between him and a lot of Internet research, I've since come to realize overall survival varies considerably and depends on a variety of factors.

While many people still only survive less …