This column will be dif­fer­en­t from my pre­vi­ous ones. I’ve been struggling to find the right words.

I can’t pretend: I am frustrated. In fact, I’m very frustrated about the current situation. I imagine I’m not the only one, so I decided to share my thoughts here.

It seems as if, at the moment, nor­mal life is on hold. Every day brings more terrible news about the spread of the latest coronavirus dis­ease, or COVID-19, across the globe. Cases in­crease and deaths follow. It’s totally grim.

Right now I feel sad for the world, and I feel sad for myself. I feel selfish just saying that, as I don’t have to go out to work in a hos­pi­tal or a care home. I don’t have to meet this virus first hand. I only have to stay in my home in Scotland and try to stay safe.

People say that we just have to be patient. But I am not patient. People say that we will have a vaccine within 18 months. 18 months! You might as well say 18 years as far as I am con­cerned.

I want to do things right now. I only have now, because I am in remission. For me, every moment counts. I had a blood test a few weeks ago, and I heard those lovely words: "No M-spike." I rejoiced, as did my hus­band. Our life can often seem so con­trolled by the tiny “No” and the fear of it being absent.

But right now there is some­thing else con­trolling my life: COVID-19.

We were due to leave last week for a fabulous adventure, but like everything else for us and for everybody else, it’s cancelled. I feel cheated, I feel sad, and I feel selfish. I know I am lucky, and I ought to feel grateful, but I don’t! I had all sorts of plans for 2020, and I fear that most will not take place.

I have read others with multiple myeloma talking about all the things they can still do, and I admire their stoicism. What they say is true, and I should be able to share the pleasure and rejoice in the pos­i­tives. 

I also know that I am luckier than most people reading this column. Many of you have to run the gauntlet of the hos­pi­tal for tests and treat­ment, and so many of you will have to cope with a mul­ti­tude of fears and worries made so much worse by this virus.

It cer­tainly is not an understatement to say that I’m finding it hard to be pos­i­tive at the moment, but I am nevertheless trying. I have always tried to look for­ward and take the best of things that come my way. I realize that feeling so sad and sorry for myself isn’t a good place to be.

So every day I try to find things to do that remove me from the news and the shocking images from around the world.

My latest ac­­tiv­ity has been to make mystery seed boxes for local chil­dren. I make a little box and put in tiny packages of “mystery” seeds. I enclose everything they need, except water, to set up their mystery experiment and provide detailed instructions. The chil­dren and the parents seem delighted, and the ac­­tiv­ity helps me to drift to a better place.

I would also like to plan some “when it’s over” treats for myself, but I am having dif­fi­culty with the seemingly endless predictions of the pandemic. In addi­tion, it seems almost disrespectful to think of a vaca­tion when so many people are struggling.

Perhaps some of you, my readers, have some sug­gestions or tips for good ways to come to grips with life at this time.

In the meantime, I send my very best wishes to you and I wish you good luck in the weeks ahead.