Life is risky!

I know that is true and I also know that being diag­nosed with multiple myeloma has altered my concept of risk.

Right from the start of my life with multiple myeloma, I became aware of taking new risks.

There was the risks asso­ci­ated with having a stem cell trans­plant. The doctors and nurses highlighted them to me. It seemed a risk worth taking, but it did make me think much more deeply about the de­ci­sions we make and the way we have to deal with the con­se­quences.

Then there were all the drugs and the risks asso­ci­ated with taking them (and, indeed, with not taking them).

But the risk debate really started heating up when, after my trans­plant, I started to feel a bit better. There seemed to be a heightened risk in almost any­thing I did, any­thing I ate or drank, and any­where I went. Should I go on the bus / train / plane? Should I eat some daring food such as cheese? Should I go out for coffee, or should I stay at home and eat only boiled food? Was it worth the risk?

Then, fortunately, things im­proved for me health-wise in that I reached remission. I relaxed a bit more, but the risk conversations con­tinued. I felt frightened about doing things. I didn’t want to take too many risks. I felt lucky to be alive, and I cer­tainly felt that I owed it to everyone, in­clud­ing myself, to try to keep well and get the most out of this new chance.

At the same time, I realized that I had to live, I had to take chances to do things. I had to take risks! I had to make de­ci­sions.

Decision such as: Should I go back to Africa and go on safari? (I did that!) Should I return to cycling? (I did that too!) I can tell that when I ex­plain to some people what I am doing, they think I am crazy, but I don’t want to waste this remission. Doing nothing seems much riskier to me.

Often people ask me, when I describe my next adventure, whether I have checked with my doctor. I always mumble some­thing in reply. I don’t want to ask my doctor in case he says that he wouldn’t rec­om­mend whatever it is I’m planning to do! I will take the risk myself and, I guess, pay the con­se­quences of a mistake.

And I always bear in mind that any­thing can be a risk.

Recently while I was walking I fell over, cut my face, and bruised myself badly. I was at the top of a mountain, but I fell on a com­pletely flat piece of land because I was chatting to a friend rather than paying attention to where I put my foot. I could tell that some people, when they saw my bruised face, thought that I ought not to be doing these risky things.

In De­cem­ber my husband and I are going back to Africa, this time to do a three-week trek in the hope of getting to Lake Turkana. The expedition is, I guess, full of risks: the terrain, the warring tribes, the heat, the possibility of in­fec­tions. The list is endless! But it doesn’t feel like much of a risk to me. I feel great in the mountains, and I love African people and their land. There is nothing that I would rather do.

I think I can take the risk.

I might never have another chance to do such an amazing thing. If I turn away from the trip and take heed of the risk, I might regret that de­ci­sion.

Managing risk is a con­stant and ever-changing chal­lenge for those of us with multiple myeloma.