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Northern Lights: Sunshine And Shadow
By: Nancy Shamanna; Published: June 14, 2019 @ 11:22 am | Comments Disabled
I feel fortunate that, as a myeloma patient, I still am able to lead a relatively normal life at this point in time. I am feeling particularly well right now since I went off of myeloma medications this past January.
My current state of health allows me to be very active and involved in my growing family. These days, a typical day of mine consists of exercising, gardening, housework, shopping, and looking after babies and toddlers (I am a grandmother of five little boys, the youngest just born in May).
My current state of health has also allowed me to stay involved with the groups that are important to me, such as a community choir and the local needlework guild. I’ve been a member of both groups for about two decades, so I have made many friends in the groups over the years. I also have been involved with our local myeloma support group since 2010.
The members of all of these groups are very supportive. In return, I try to give back to the organizations where I have received help. For example, I help to write newsletters for the choir and the support group.
In the spring, all groups I’m involved with have their annual meeting and election of officers. I have been asked several times in the past to take on certain roles on the boards of these organizations, but due to uncertainty related to my myeloma, I have declined these offers.
During these meetings, group trips and volunteer opportunities for the summer or next fall also are frequently mentioned, but I don’t offer my time for those opportunities either. Too often in past years, I have signed up for events, only to cancel out of them later. I realize that this is a hassle for the organizers of events, and a disappointment for me (and I try not to set myself up for disappointment!)
So, in a sense, I am drifting away from the groups I have enjoyed all of these years. I mostly just go to monthly meetings, or choir practices and performances.
I realize people may wonder about why I don’t take on more responsibility in the groups.
The main reason for my drifting away is that I don’t really want to tell everyone I know about my multiple myeloma. I don’t want them feeling sorry for me or even doubting that I am a cancer patient.
I have noticed in the past that once I bring ‘the cancer card’ into conversations, people look at me a little differently than before. This can be puzzling to my psyche, since of course I feel like the same person I always have been.
At the same time, I feel like if I don’t tell people about my current health status, people may think I am odd or even lazy. I have to admit that I find it difficult to know where to draw the line with disclosure about my health.
Full disclosure related to health matters probably isn’t a good idea for me because I have been a cancer patient for ten years and I think it’s just too much information to expect new acquaintances to absorb. In addition, it can get a conversation really off topic if one starts talking about health matters too much. At the same time, I recognize that some sort of explanation for why I am reticent might be useful so that people understand where I am coming from. For now, I have settled on giving just a brief reply if people ask me about my health.
I am feeling well and full of energy now, and I hope I am building up strength for future health challenges. I don’t want to get exhausted with outside activities, which wear down my energy levels. That may sound selfish, but self-preservation now may keep me going longer, compared to if I don’t look after myself.
So, in a way, I feel I am almost living a double life of both wellness and illness. It is like "sunshine and shadow" in a patchwork quilt! In the sun are the happy events of my life, while in the shadows loom my myeloma and some apprehension about the future.
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The quotation for this month is from Lailah Gifty Akita, a Ghanaian writer and the founder of a youth volunteer organization, who said: "If you focus on the sunshine in life, you will see the darkness fade."
Nancy Shamanna is a multiple myeloma patient and a columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of her columns here [1].
If you are interested in writing a regular column to be published by The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
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