I feel fortunate that, as a myeloma patient, I still am able to lead a rel­a­tive­ly nor­mal life at this point in time. I am feeling particularly well right now since I went off of myeloma medications this past January.

My current state of health allows me to be very active and involved in my growing family. These days, a typical day of mine consists of exercising, gardening, housework, shopping, and looking after babies and toddlers (I am a grandmother of five little boys, the youngest just born in May).

My current state of health has also allowed me to stay involved with the groups that are im­por­tant to me, such as a com­munity choir and the local needlework guild. I’ve been a member of both groups for about two decades, so I have made many friends in the groups over the years. I also have been involved with our local myeloma sup­port group since 2010.

The members of all of these groups are very sup­port­ive. In return, I try to give back to the or­ga­ni­za­tions where I have received help. For example, I help to write newsletters for the choir and the sup­port group.

In the spring, all groups I’m involved with have their annual meeting and election of officers. I have been asked several times in the past to take on certain roles on the boards of these or­ga­ni­za­tions, but due to uncertainty related to my myeloma, I have declined these offers.

During these meetings, group trips and volunteer oppor­tu­ni­ties for the summer or next fall also are frequently mentioned, but I don’t offer my time for those oppor­tu­ni­ties either. Too often in past years, I have signed up for events, only to cancel out of them later. I realize that this is a hassle for the or­ga­niz­ers of events, and a disappointment for me (and I try not to set myself up for disappointment!)

So, in a sense, I am drifting away from the groups I have enjoyed all of these years. I mostly just go to monthly meetings, or choir practices and per­for­mances.

I realize people may wonder about why I don’t take on more re­spon­si­bil­ity­ in the groups.

The main reason for my drifting away is that I don’t really want to tell everyone I know about my multiple myeloma. I don’t want them feeling sorry for me or even doubting that I am a cancer patient.

I have noticed in the past that once I bring ‘the cancer card’ into conversations, people look at me a little dif­fer­en­tly than before. This can be puzzling to my psyche, since of course I feel like the same person I always have been.

At the same time, I feel like if I don’t tell people about my current health status, people may think I am odd or even lazy. I have to admit that I find it dif­fi­cult to know where to draw the line with disclosure about my health.

Full disclosure related to health matters probably isn’t a good idea for me because I have been a cancer patient for ten years and I think it’s just too much in­for­ma­tion to ex­pec­t new acquaintances to absorb. In addi­tion, it can get a conversation really off topic if one starts talking about health matters too much. At the same time, I recog­nize that some sort of explanation for why I am reticent might be useful so that people under­stand where I am coming from. For now, I have settled on giving just a brief reply if people ask me about my health.

I am feeling well and full of energy now, and I hope I am build­ing up strength for future health chal­lenges. I don’t want to get exhausted with outside activities, which wear down my energy levels. That may sound selfish, but self-preservation now may keep me going longer, com­pared to if I don’t look after myself.

So, in a way, I feel I am almost living a double life of both wellness and illness. It is like "sunshine and shadow" in a patchwork quilt! In the sun are the happy events of my life, while in the shadows loom my myeloma and some apprehension about the future.

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The quotation for this month is from Lailah Gifty Akita, a Ghanaian writer and the founder of a youth volunteer or­ga­ni­za­tion, who said: "If you focus on the sunshine in life, you will see the darkness fade."