Letters From Cancerland: Standing On My Own Two Feet
The idiom “standing on your own two feet” is pretty much universally defined in English as meaning to be strong and independent, able to take care of yourself. As a motivational adage, it ranks right up there with “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” and “rugged individualism.”
All well and good, except when you can’t stand on your own two feet. Right now as I write this column, I am weeks away from that act.
In early February, I had a torn peroneal tendon (think “ankle”) repaired surgically. While the surgery went well and my convalescence has been smooth, I am not allowed to put weight on my right foot until early March. (March 9, in fact, but who’s counting?)
So the notion of standing on my own two feet is out the door. I can stand on one foot and a chair or one foot and a knee caddy (those scooters you see people with foot injuries whiz by on). I can stand on one foot and precariously balance (thank God for yoga). I literally cannot stand on two feet.
I cannot figuratively stand on my own two feet right now either. Driving is out of the question until (gulp) early April. For the first week post-surgery, I was confined to my house, dependent on my husband Warren and good friends to bring me books, water, the mail, my clothes, entertainment. With the advent of the knee caddy and a cast replacing the bandages on my foot, I have a lot more capacity and mobility, but I am still heavily reliant on Warren, especially as my chauffeur.
It’s been an interesting couple of weeks. It’s been a lesson in learning how to be dependent. It’s been a lesson in learning to ask for help. These are lessons I have needed for a long, long time. (My dear husband has not said a word, but I have to think he is grateful I am finally getting the point.) Unintentionally, it has also been a lesson in how much modification our house would need to be both safe and comfortable for us as we age or should I develop mobility or other physical problems as a result of having multiple myeloma.
My multiple myeloma, for the most part, has not played a major role in the whole tendon issue, although it was the catalyst for the tear being discovered. I had been experiencing more and more pain in my foot and when my myeloma specialist heard that in December, his eyebrows hit the ceiling. It could be insufficiency fractures (think “stress fractures”) from all the steroids I’ve had over the last 13+ years, he said. It could be the myeloma breaking through the foot bones – highly unlikely, he noted, but still possible. “Get it checked out now!”
In the end, it wasn’t either of those scenarios. The only remote relationship the myeloma may have had to the tear is that it most likely started small and I did not notice it for a long time because of the neuropathy in my feet. Only after it tore significantly did I feel it.
The other small myeloma note in my recovery is that I have to take a blood thinner to prevent clots until I go into a walking boot. Blood thinners and I do not coexist well; I am at risk for bleeding. My personal physician and the orthopedic surgeon talked about this before the surgery, and I am taking a very low dose of Xarelto (rivaroxaban). So far, so good, but I will be glad to set it aside soon.
As for the walking boot, I can’t wait. Because then I will finally be able to stand on my own two feet.
But the lessons I learned during this interlude will not be forgotten. Abraham Lincoln said “be sure you put your feet in the right place and then stand firm.” Good advice for me when I get my right foot back.
And good advice to me as I continue to live with multiple myeloma. Dealing with this tear has reminded me that I can’t always go it alone. I don’t have to do everything but can let others share the tasks. I can put my feet in the right place and ask for help. And I can stand firm in knowing that needing help does not mean I am incompetent, but that I am human.
April Nelson is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of her previously published columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column for The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
I love that quote from Abraham Lincoln! I am glad you are close to standing on your own two feet again--at least literally. Driving will be another big celebration. I remember when I was first diagnosed and my back was at its worst. I was totally dependent on anyone and everyone close to me. It's hard for us stubborn, independent women who like to be in control of our own lives. But it was a good lesson for me to learn. I am thankful that I have been able to tolerate and respond well to the chemo prescribed. I hope that continues for many more years, but as myeloma patients, we know that can change. For now, we celebrate what we have and enjoy! Take care and here's to standing on your own two feet soon!!
April, I am sorry to hear about this injury requiring surgery! I hope that it all heals up well and that you can get back to your usual activities. I couldn't drive or do much at all back when I fractured some vertebrae, and I used a walker to help me to get around for awhile. That walker helped me to take the weight off my back, which I think helped in the healing process.
It's so icy outdoors this winter, and I have four friends here who broke either an arm or a leg due to slipping and falling on the ice, when out walking or skating. So take care and hope by spring you are better.
Wow April - what an ordeal. Sure hope you are back on your own two feet as soon as allowed by your doctor. It is amazing how cumulative adverse effects from chronic conditions like multiple myeloma may or may not play a role in other ailments that we might have. Many taking Revlimid must also take blood thinners and taking blood thinners puts you at risk of severe bleeding.
Also very interesting are your thoughts about modifications that might have to be made to your home in the future. We actually made that decision two years after my husband’s diagnosis. We moved from a two-story home to a single level home so that it would be easier for him to get around.
April,
So sorry to hear of your difficult time. Once again you give voice to the struggles we myeloma survivors experience and your spirit continues to inspire me for the future. I am going in to my ninth year.
Thank you for your wishes for a quick recovery. I moved from a cast to a weight-bearing boot a week ago. I still cannot drive (for several more weeks) but I can move around more easily.
Patty asked my thoughts on modification. Oh, lots. The bedroom is up 13 stairs. One bathroom is large, but has a traditional tub (so how does on get into it?). The other two bathrooms--both our master and the guest on the first floor--are small so that meant when I had the scooter parking it in the hallway, hopping in, and levering myself down onto the toilet seat. Because my veins break easily, I developed some spectacular ones in my arms, especially the left one. I would add grab bars to all bathrooms and raise the toilet seats. None of those doors--in fact few of our openings--would accommodate a wheelchair.
Getting into or out of the house requires steps that seem small but post challenges. To get in or out of our front door requires negotiating a board doorsill that has 3 elevations to it (one step--3 levels). I now understood why my Aunt ginger, who had dementia, has been confused by that step for the last few years. ("Where do I step? Here? There?") To get from the slab porch is one small step to a walkway, but still a step. And the walkway, being 54 years old, has some heaves, so trip hazards abound.
All the throw rugs had to go out when I came home and will stay up. They are trip hazards. We have close (berber) carpet and while it was better than anything else, it posed drag issues on the scooter, the handless crutch I had, and even my walking boot if I am not careful.
I agree with you: a one-level house (ADA compliant) would be wonderful. Highly unlikely to happen in my lifetime; this was my husband's parents' house and there are many reasons (including a machine shop in the garage and over 1000 percussion instruments) while that will never happen.
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