It is February, and with it comes Valentine’s Day, the day on which we cherish our loved ones. And I have many people in my life who I cherish. As it has turned out in recent years, we have leaned on and tried to help each other through many difficult times.

First and foremost, I am grateful for my husband Dilip. We have been married for 40 years now and can look back on many great times to­gether. We met in the biology depart­ment at the University of Calgary, where we found we had a lot in common. We have always been sup­portive of each other and now have a full family life with grand­children.

After I ‘crashed’ in 2009, with fractures, and found out that I had been diag­nosed with stage three multiple myeloma, Dilip cared for me at that time. Throughout the months of induction therapy, stem cell harvest­ing, and autologous stem cell trans­planta­tion, he, other family members, and friends were there to reassure me and to encourage me to get better.

Our two daughters were at that time university students, studying nursing and medicine. I remember looking up at them from a hospital bed, thinking that the tables had really turned. Now the children were acting as parents of their mother. Far from being able to help them, at that time our roles had switched.

Even after the original crisis had passed, my daughters called or visited every day for many months to check up on me.

The term ‘turning tables’ originated in the 1600’s. Table games such as backgammon could be reversed so that a player could play the game seeing it from their opponent’s perspective. From the aspect of caregiving, I so appreciated being at the receiving end.

I also recall receiving many cards, phone calls, bouquets of flowers, and even two hand knit prayer shawls. All of this kind attention helped me to get through the difficult treatments that lay ahead.

Eventually that intense period of recovering from injuries and undergoing strong treatments subsided, and I gradually got back to a new normal. After all, being a mother, I wanted to get back to being a family caregiver.

Since that time almost nine years ago, much has changed. Our two wonder­ful daughters got married to really special young men and became parents themselves. It is our joy in life to help out when needed with our three grand­children, as well as the grand puppy.

As I am a long-time patient now, I am lucky to be in a medical family. Usually Dilip comes with me to medical appoint­ments so that we can discuss any issues intelligently with the oncologists. Then we can talk over any concerns with our daughters as well.

My experiences as a patient seem to have drawn us closer together as a family. My mother, who is now in her nineties, thinks that I am doing well right now because I have so much joy in my life. I tend to agree with her.

Our daughters are more mature now since almost a decade has passed since my diag­nosis, and Dilip and I are getting older also. We are all better equipped to handle life’s ups and downs, and I don’t want to have to be at the center of a lot of care­giving attention either.

What I have learned is that although I am not as strong as I once was, and have lost some focus too, for the most part I am a lot better again.

I realize that I am no longer the parental care­giver I once was, but hopefully can provide care and affection still to our family and friends, turning back tables at least partially.

Despite enjoying a wonderful life now, I nevertheless still am cautious about my lifestyle and am painfully aware that I may need to start treatment for myeloma again some time in the future and may need more care then. In other words, the tables may turn again, but I hope my family will be okay with that.

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The quotation for this month is from an unknown author: "Sometimes asking for help is the most meaningful example of self reliance."