When I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, the condition had progressed into the full-blown form of the disease. It was advanced myeloma (stage 3) that had to be treated immediately. As I've described in previous columns, I was in a bad way, with bone damage, lung damage, and biochemistry all over the place. Fortunately, I responded well to the treatment I received, and I am now in remission.

Once I returned to better health and became more knowledgeable about multiple myeloma, I could not help but wonder how life might have been had I been diagnosed earlier. In life I have always tried to avoid these sorts of internal, backwards discussions with myself, but somehow, in this instance, they crept upon me.

And it is very complicated! There is no doubt life would have been very different if I'd known earlier that I had myeloma. Would it have been better to have known about it years earlier, or was it best to find out in the way that I did? Despite how pointless I think this chat is, I do ruminate about it quite often!

If I had been diagnosed earlier, it is likely that I could have avoided some of the damage to my body. Surely if I had been diagnosed in the MGUS or smoldering myeloma stages of the disease, or even just a few months earlier, I might not have had to endure the excruciating pain that dominated my life for many months. It was an all-consuming pain that progressed each day and eventually left me unable to walk or move about normally in any way.

Without warning, the memories of that pain and that period come back to me. Sometimes it is the sight or smell of something that I encountered during that time. Just recently, it was putting a pair of boots on that I have not worn for ages. I can still remember the jolts of pain I had when walking about in them.

I imagine that if I had known that I had myeloma or its precursors, I might not have a large hole in my femur, which makes my hip joint ache. I might not have the nerve pain down my right leg, I might not have such bad neuropathy, and so on and so on.

Also, I might not have had this terrible time when I felt that I was going mad as I tried and tried to get some medical person to see that whatever was happening to me was not run of the mill. Those memories are still with me, and they make me sad.

Looking back with the other hat on (which I still try not to do), I also think what a blessing it was that we didn't know that I had MGUS or smoldering myeloma. I avoided knowing that I was in those stages and 'blissfully' continued to live my life without the shadow of myeloma.

I did have symptoms during that period, but they did not restrict my life. They just made me wonder if I was in some way unwell or imagining things. They always seemed to be, at least partly, explained by something or other. For example, I had shingles a few times, and the doctor who I saw at that time thought that some of the neuropathy symptoms I had were a result of shingles. The anemia was put down to the possibility that I might have early stages of pernicious anemia, which runs in my family. I fell once while hill walking, and it was suggested that this accounted for my rib and back pain.

Because I was unaware of what was going on inside my marrow, I just carried on with my life doing all sorts of quite dangerous but exciting things. I went walking in remote mountains in Africa, explored deserts and swamps that had malarial mosquitoes, and taught in the street schools of Jakarta.

Would I have done these things if I had known what lay ahead? I don't know.

Maybe I would have worried about the potential consequences, maybe I would have thought that I should take more care of my health, maybe I would have thought I should save up the money that I spent for my future healthcare costs. I don't know and, of course, I ought not to waste time thinking about it.

However, I often read articles and forum threads at The Myeloma Beacon from those who are going through MGUS and the smoldering phases of the disease. These people have many concerns and worries, all of which I avoided. I feel sad for them and their loved ones. They are going down the same road as me, but I was blindfolded and they are not. I avoided all those worries and concerns.

So my circle ends. As you can tell, I can see advantages and disadvantages of both situations, but deep down I know there is little point in thinking about them as “it is what it is.”

So my advice to you: Don’t look back, and make the most of your days.