The dictionary defines ‘perfectionism’ as the refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.

So what would the meaning of perfectionism be in the case of someone with multiple myeloma?

I think that one aspect of perfectionism in multiple myeloma could be a desire to be in a stringent complete response – that is, not having any blood test or bone marrow biopsy results that would indicate the presence of multiple myeloma.

This is an admirable goal, but is it achievable for everyone?

I think not. There is a range of results that is acceptable before a patient is considered to have relapsed or, in the case of smoldering multiple myeloma, to require active treatment.

I have had blood results where everything was normal when I was undergoing maintenance therapy about six years ago, and then again in the past year, just before going off treatment for my myeloma. However, the results did not hold indefinitely. I would rather have a low level of monoclonal protein than take strong treatments that have unpredictable side effects.

Another example of perfectionism in the myeloma world would be an inability to accept that one has changed over the years, and may have less energy than before. It can be tiring to go through the injuries, treatments, and psychological stress associated with multiple myeloma.

It is good to have a positive attitude, and without it life could be depressing. At the same time, I realize that no one can always feel up or highly energized. So it’s good not to be a perfectionist about that either. It's fine to let oneself have a ‘down’ day sometimes. One needs just to learn what the triggers are for ‘down’ days, and what helps to compensate. It might be playing with one’s grandchildren, working on a crafts project, getting out and exercising, or any other activity to get one’s mind off of depressing topics.

I try to put away negative thoughts and spend time every day exercising and doing other activities besides worrying about the future.

Would always trying to keep up with others who may not have the same problems as you also be ‘per­fec­tion­ism’ of a sort?

I know now that I have to pace myself, and sometimes my pace is pretty slow. So I try to allow more time than I think I need to get things done, and not to be too hard on myself either if I can’t get everything done on my to-do list.

I also have realized over time that what is important to me now may have changed a bit. I am still quite determined to get critical work done, exercise every day, eat well, get enough rest, and spend quality time with my family and friends. Yet I am not as perfectionist about these things as I may have been before my myeloma diagnosis.

When I think of my music and my stitching hobbies, for example, it seems I don’t spend as much time obsessing over per­fec­tion­ism. Recently I put a line of knitting into a shawl, where it should have been a line of purl. I just left it there. I didn't care to pull out many lines of knitting to fix it. And with my music, I have studied piano and voice, but have less time to practice now, and I’m okay with that.

I find time to exercise most days, in part because recent research suggests that exercise may be very important in helping breast cancer patients attain long-term remission. (I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, seven years after my myeloma diagnosis.) However, if I miss a day of exercise, I won’t worry about it too much. My fitness tracker keeps me on track on a weekly basis. It is surprising sometimes to find how much or little exercise I do in a week, but I tell myself that the overall trend is what counts, not doing exactly the same every day.

Volunteer work has been a silver lining for me in this journey, but I have to realize that I cannot take on too much and still have time to enjoy my interests and my family life.

When I get tired or worried, I try to remind myself that I am doing well according to my new criteria, which are different from those I had a few years ago. I am still healthy and able to live quite a normal life, which may not seem like much to most people, but it is to me.

During my multiple myeloma journey, I have met many nice fellow patients, both in person and online. Unfortunately, some were not as lucky as I have been, so I must count my blessings and be grateful for all of the medical care and caregiving I have received. Every day is a Thanksgiving day to me right now!

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The quotation for this month is from W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965), a British novelist, playwright, and short story writer, who said: "Perfection is a trifle dull. It is not the least of life's ironies that this, which we all aim at, is better not quite achieved."