I find that some days, while I don't exactly forget about multiple myeloma, I can focus on other aspects of life and feel a bit myeloma-free.

Yesterday was not one of those days.

My husband Graham and I have recently moved back home to Scotland from Singapore, where we had been living for the past two years. As I've men­tioned in previous columns, so far all my myeloma treat­ment has been under the care of a great team in Singapore. Without wishing to sound overly dramatic, this team brought me back from the brink. I felt incredibly secure about all aspects of my treat­ment and had developed close relation­ships with many of the staff. Leaving was tough. I had an emotional farewell at the clinic and was very touched to receive gifts and letters wishing me good luck.

Returning to Scotland, trying to fit into the health service, and finding a doctor with an interest in multiple myeloma was going to be rather daunting. However, with the help of a friend, I found such a doctor.

Yesterday I had the first visit to a new clinic. I was extremely apprehensive about the appoint­ment and felt a bit of a gibbering wreck!

Walking into the hospital seemed so strange and un­familiar and really quite frightening. We found the hema­tology area, and I saw the treat­ment rooms where treat­ment infusions take place. Suddenly the surround­ing became more familiar, with the same safety signs and medical information leaf­lets on the walls. I might have crossed continents, but with a glance into the treatment area, I could immedi­ately empathize with the un­fortunate patients who were undergoing some type of infusion!

I then met the myeloma specialist, and the process began. Obviously, I had to explain all about my diag­nosis and treat­ment so far. We talked for over an hour about the symptoms, diagnosis, induction treatment, stem cell transplant, recovery, and maintenance therapy. There were blood tests, examinations, drug reviews, revised treatment plans, and many, many questions.

I was slightly hazy with details a few times, but luckily my husband could fill in the spaces.

The doctor couldn't have been nicer, nor could the nurse who took my blood pressure, which predictably had gone from its normal 110/70 to 155/92!

I felt my illness through and through. I was every inch a multiple myeloma patient. There was no escape, no chat about the other parts of Marjorie, no relief from the reality of this cancer.

We left the hospital and drove back home, still deeply in myeloma world. We had phone calls from family who had been concerned about the appointment. Everyone was reassured that the appointment had gone well and that I would be looked after well.

I struggled to work out why I felt so grim despite the day having really gone so well. I felt fortunate to have found another great doctor and a clinic where I will be well cared for. However, I also felt very deeply sad inside. I think it was because I had to face up to this disease again, I had to tell my story, and I had to listen to the doctor discuss the likely relapse.

I had to endure a real myeloma day.

I believe at some level I had felt that, as I left Singapore, I had left multiple myeloma behind. Back in Scotland I feel more 'normal,' and yet I brought my myeloma with me. She will be my life companion, and I would rather she had stayed in Singapore!