Ever since I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, I have found that I’ve sort of redefined the feeling of being fortunate.

If you are going to get multiple myeloma, then I have been fortunate. I have had excellent treatment and excellent support. I had a good family, a fine education, a happy marriage, sufficient money, and so on. So, when this unfortunate diagnosis came, I was in a great position to get superb care.

When I was diagnosed, I was in Singapore and fortunate to be treated by a fantastic doctor and his delightful team. They have made a pretty grim situation as good as it could possibly be for both myself and my husband, Graham.

Despite the fact that I was in very good hands, I can’t say that I felt particularly fortunate when I realized how much damage the multiple myeloma had done to my bones. I hobbled about the hospital wondering if my hip would support my body. Would I ever recover enough to allow me to do all the things I loved again?

To our relief, we discovered that the particular version of multiple myeloma I have is not in the high-risk category. I felt fortunate, as it may mean that I stay in remission for a longer time.

In the months that followed the diagnosis, I remained fortunate. The myeloma responded well to the treatment, and the tumor load subsided. I can’t say I felt exactly well during this period as I struggled with all the treatment side effects (pain, neuropathy, mood swings, and so on). But I still felt a whole lot better than I had prior to treatment.

The stem cell transplant went pretty well, and my stem cells took their place in the bone marrow. I don’t think, however, that ‘fortunate’ is the word I would use to describe how I felt in the days immediately after the transplant. I can still recall the day when, as I was being sick in the wash basin, I caught sight of an almost unrecognizable self in the mirror.

Now that I am in remission and have managed to return to some of the things I enjoy, I do, in earnest, feel fortunate most of the time. But I still feel very unsure of myself, and I have some tough days. I seem to get lots of infections, such as shingles and bronchitis, and I struggle to cope with some of Revlimid's side effects.

Annoying as these physiological problems are, it’s the psychological effects that get to me most. They jump out at me when I least expect them.

Just recently Graham and I were having a chat about our pensions and if it would be a good idea to pay more into the schemes. Somewhere in the middle of this conversation, it came to me that I might not live long enough to reap the benefit of the extra payments. It was a horrible thought, and I wanted it to go away. But it stayed with me and made me confront my mortality once again, whether I wanted to or not. Of course, nobody knows what lies ahead, but those of us with multiple myeloma know so many things about the disease that we might really rather not consider.

Another thing that I have noticed is that, however fortunate I might feel most of the time, I find I don’t always react well to other people telling me how lucky I am. I think they say this because I look okay again. I have had a stem cell transplant, and they imagine that all is well.

It seems that I have decided that it is okay for me to say that I have been very fortunate, but I don’t always appreciate a similar comment from other people. When I have mentioned to one or two friends that I don’t know what the future holds, a reply of “No one knows what the future holds,” while basically true, feels like belittling my situation, and I get a little cross (although I think this is rather unfair of me).

Perhaps I ought to spend more time trying to explain the biology of multiple myeloma and making my own situation clearer. However, in doing so, I find that I end up feeling sorry for myself and very negative.

I don’t want to seem ungrateful for my own recovery or end up being someone who looks at life as a series of unfortunate incidents. If I told everyone the truth about how I feel sometimes, it would be a pretty sad story.

I think it is better for me to remain feeling fortunate and to continue to live with that thought to the fore. I like to feel happy with the progress I have made so far and enjoy every lamington that passes my way.