Northern Lights: Winter Dreams
Late last month, my husband Dilip and I went to the Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra along with our older daughter and her husband. On the program were Sibelius’s powerful Violin Concerto and Tchaikovsky’s Sixth Symphony, the "Pathétique."
All the music was wonderfully played, but I was particularly moved by the "Pathétique," Tchaikovsky’s last work as a musician and composer. He died only nine days after the premiere performance.
It was the fourth part, with its sombre tones and low strings vibrating throughout the hall, that seemed to have foreshadowed the end of the composer’s life. While listening, I could hardly keep back tears, for it so reminded me of the sadness I have encountered in the world of multiple myeloma.
On the drive home, the four of us started talking about all of the other works by Tchaikovsky that we have enjoyed. From the ballet music to his other symphonies, he was very prolific and developed a tremendous repertoire. My daughter and I had also gone in December to see "The Nutcracker" ballet, another one of Tchaikovsky’s masterpieces, which has become a seasonal favorite for many young families.
The next day, I was still mulling over the music I had heard. That’s when I realized that Tchaikovsky’s music has influenced me throughout my life.
When I was a girl, my mother sent me for ballet lessons at our community center. The Russian ballet teacher used music from "Swan Lake" for one of her recitals. Far from being a swan, I was cast as a leaf or a snowflake in any of her dance performances, but I loved the music.
We still live in the same neighborhood I grew up in, and I have now rented the community hall for events put on by my local multiple myeloma support group. Every time I go there, my mind flashes back to the ballet classes, and I have to smile at the image of my nine-year old self struggling with dance class. Actually, just a few weeks before my myeloma diagnosis, it was my inability to jump or leap anymore, due to low back pain and aching bones, that made me finally realize that I had a severe health problem.
I have also seen ballet productions of "Romeo and Juliet" and "Sleeping Beauty." I remember going to the ballet a year or two after my myeloma diagnosis. At the time, I doubted that I would ever be quick and nimble on my feet again. I so admired the dancers up on pointe and the whole corps de ballet whirling and twirling around the stage. Now I have more equanimity and can see the dancers as being young and well trained in their specialty – dance. I admire them, but am not in any way expecting to be like them. I am glad, however, to be active again and out walking and enjoying late winter here.
Also shortly after my diagnosis, I was at a talk for multiple myeloma patients given at our local cancer center auditorium and there was a harpist playing in the lobby. At that point, the music was very helpful to my peace of mind. It made me feel that I had not left the world of the symphonies behind.
One of the bonds that drew Dilip and I together back in the 1970’s is our love of music. At our wedding in 1977, we played a selection from Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 1, nicknamed "Winter Dreams." The melody is so charming, and to think that over 40 years later we are still travelling through time together is very special to both of us. Over the last few years of us coping with my myeloma diagnosis, he has been my rock, and has helped me so much with his grace, energy, and intelligence. I could never have found a better husband than Dilip, and we still enjoy listening to music together.
All in all, I am amazed by the effect music – in particular Tchaikovsky’s music – has had on my life, both before and after my diagnosis.
I am grateful that music continues to play an important part in my life. I still enjoy learning and listening to music. I can still go out and enjoy live musical performances. If I were not feeling well enough to do that, I could still enjoy music at home. I am fortunate to be singing in a choir, which to me is a sign of good health.
Sometimes I think that musical memories are just as vital as any other to our emotional well-being.
How has music affected your life with multiple myeloma?
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The quotation for this month is from by Khalil Gibran (1883 - 1931), Lebanese-American artist, poet and writer, who said: "Yesterday is but today's memory, and tomorrow is today's dream."
Nancy Shamanna is a multiple myeloma patient and a columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of her columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column to be published by The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
Great article, Nancy! Many days into my slow recovery in the hospital from my stem cell transplant, I remembered that I had brought my iPod with me. Somehow I'd gotten into a routine of reading, emailing, pedaling, and napping during my days being isolated in my room there, but had forgotten to listen to music.
I decided to make that day be my music day. All I did was listen to whatever music I wanted. And at the end of the day, I felt fantastic - tons better than any day before that.
I still think the music started my turnaround in the hospital.
By the way, on this day after Valentine's, congratulations to you and Dilip on your 40+ years together!
Mike
Nancy, I love all of your writing. However, "Sometimes I think that musical memories are just as vital as any other to our emotional well-being," is one of your best thoughts. Classical music is my constant companion along with Adele and Martina McBride because singing along with those two lovely ladies can ease my pain just make my world bearable. When I had my transplant at M.D. Anderson seven years ago, the musical therapists were in the unit each day. I teased the harpist that I was afraid I'd wake up one day and think I'd died and gone to heaven!
Did you know that Tchaikovsky’s music was derided by his contemporaries as simplistic and overly romantic? Poor Tchaikovsky!
Can you even imagine?
Thank you Mike and Katie for your comments. On this very sad week, with the loss of fellow columnist Pat, I could not have focussed on writing a column...I wrote it at least two weeks ago. We will miss him so much here, and the online world is a lonelier place now without his guidance.
Mike, I have walked with my iPhone and listened to music for years now, ever since the myeloma dx. Interesting that you found the music helped you to turn a corner somehow with your recovery from the stem cell transplant.
Katie, a harpist's music is heavenly, nest-ce pas? Dilip and I both really love music, as I have said. It keeps us going some days!
I think I like the romantic era of the classics the best. .. maybe it is just simplistic enough for me to understand it! Love Adele's music too, for her strong spirit, good lyrics and great singing voice.
Played "Hit me with Your best Shot" at my first of two stem cell transplants. So far still in remission 2 years after my second transplant. But I love all music, it certainly can change a mood usually – for the better. Hospitals should use it more!
I agree that the loss of Pat is felt so deeply by all of us, I still can't believe it and will miss him so very much. What a great legacy!
I always enjoy your articles Nancy. When I was diagnosed two years ago, I had pain in my upper back from a compression fracture at T11. It made it very painful to play violin for more then 10 minutes at a time. The osteoporosis diagnosis made me afraid to ride my bike. I couldn't keep up with my friends who I walked with at the dog park because of back pain and tiredness from anemia. I was just turning 60 and suddenly felt old. I felt like all the things I loved to do were being stolen from me. One day I was driving and listening to a jazz station, which I usually enjoy, but they were playing something a little too hectic for my taste, so I switched to the classical station. They were playing the last movement of the "Pathetique" symphony. I was overcome with such sadness, I started crying. I have played the symphony many times and thought I might never play without pain again.
Now two years later, life is pretty normal. I'm back to my normal violin schedule, I walk with a club 3 times a week, and I can still ride with my favorite bike club. Last month I enjoyed playing the Beethoven septet with a nice group of musicians. If anyone reading this has just been diagnosed, I would like them to know that it gets better.
Deborah – Congratulations on being in a remission after a double stem cell transplant. I hope that it continues on indefinitely, and that you enjoy all the music that keeps you in a positive mood too!
Peggy – It is nice to hear that you are back to playing the violin with your professional group again, walking and cycling too! I think that you would have enjoyed the Violin Concerto by Sibelius that was also on the program of Tchaikovsky's Sixth Symphony, at the CPO. The guest artist was Augustin Hadelich, and he was playing on a Stradivarius, loaned by a foundation. That was awesome. Sometimes an evening at the symphony is just splendid. There is something about the fourth movement of the "Pathetique" that cannot but evoke strong feelings of sadness. I think that Tchaikovsky was a genius actually!
What a soothing article! It reminded me of an episode at the time of my transplant, over three years ago. I was in hospital, feeling physically and mentally exhausted, and finding comfort in listening to music. My favorite composer is Vivaldi (the image I chose as an avatar shows him). I especially like his vocal pieces, for instance Magnificat and Gloria. But, most of all, I like Vivaldi’s “Juditha Triumphans”. Here is the link about it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juditha_triumphans . The version I prefer is by the Hungarian orchestra Capella Savaria. It is a two CD set, and my husband and I like number 2 the best.
Anyway, one day I had my headphones on while listening to it, and I started to cry. I did not notice that a priest had entered the room and was talking to my roommate. When I saw him, I removed my headphones and said “Do you know why I am crying? Because this is so beautiful!” He wanted to know what it was, and then he said, “Juditha courageously defeated evil, and in the same way you will fight and defeat your disease.” Hearing those words when I had, who knows, maybe 40 white blood cells, and I barely felt on the planet, sounded like a recognition of my bravery in going through the transplant. Well, I am not religious, but I did like that priest!
Besides classical music I like … metal! Symphonic metal, to be precise. Few people share my taste. I like growl and I love the strong and loud drums so much that I was inspired to take lessons to learn to play it. Since last November, I have had swollen feet and ankles (diuretics work to a point) and had to stop playing because I cannot use the pedal. On better days I rehearse, and then I stop again, what a pity! I hope I will be able to resume my lessons too. After all, I was desperate about not being able to swim anymore, and now I happily do it again, so maybe the same will happen with playing the drums and escaping into a world of three quarters, four eights … and banging away while accompanying my favorite music! Yeee! Stay metal! (Did the disease do something terrible to my brain? Eheheheh)
Such a lovely comment, Annamaria! I just looked up the 'Judith Triumphant' and listened to a bit of it. Nice to see the symphony chorus come in ahead of the soloists ... love choral works. I will listen to more of it as I have time too. We are trying a choral work at choir this season, the 'Missa Gaia' Earth Mass. It is a New Age piece, really interesting music. It is a 'stretch' for us amateur singers, but we have two really excellent directors to help us with it.
I am so glad to hear that you are back to swimming. Drums are really popular too, have heard of 'drumming circles' actually. Drums keep us on the beat. I remember really enjoying listening to them all of the years I played with a pipe band. I loved to hear the highland drum solos. The best memories I have of drums was when we used to play in the Stampede Parade and you could hear the drums echoing off the high-rises as we marched thru downtown! I feel fortunate that music has been a constant throughout most of my life.
Thanks for explaining that your 'avatar' is a picture of Vivaldi. I wouldn't have guessed that.
Thanks Nancy - wonderful, thought-provoking article. Like you, we love music and some days when my husband is not feeling well, all we do is listen to one of our stations on Pandora and it really seems to lift his spirits. Many days, Pandora plays all day long. Although our love of music was not what brought us together 35 years ago, it has always been an important part of being together.
Great article, Nancy! I too love classical music and appreciate the soothing balm it offers. One of my favorites is Pachabel's Canon in D. A string quartet played it at our wedding, and every time I hear it, I'm reminded of the happiest day in my life.
Music is a powerful thing, and like you, I'm so thankful for it!
Thank you Tabitha! The Pachelbel Canon is so popular now, but apparently was only revived in the '70s. It is from the Baroque era! (I write a newsletter for my choir too, so like to look up facts about music). What a beautiful piece of music to listen to, to start one's day!
Patty B - Maybe our generation and younger folk have been able to access a really wide range of music due to the electronic era we have lived in over the last decades! To my mind, this has been a really good advance in culture. When Dilip and I met, the Beatles had popularized Ravi Shankar's music, so a world awareness of international music was starting too. (But, as it turned out, we had a lot in common, even liking classical music.)