Northern Lights: Silver Linings
Sometimes in the summer here in the foothills of the Rockies, we have severe thunderstorms and hail. One such storm last month included funnel clouds, a precursor to tornadoes. Although hail came pelting down, no harm to people was reported that afternoon because our whole city was alerted by a tornado watch. My husband Dilip and I were glad not to be out driving around, since some underpasses were flooded and cars were stranded.
There was a silver lining to those ominous storm clouds, as we found out later. They had been seeded by small planes that dispersed silver iodide in an attempt to change the weather pattern. Before we even saw a rainbow after the storm, we were glad that not too much severe damage had happened in our area.
When I think back on my own stormy weather, my myeloma journey, I can see in my reflections many silver linings too. Apart from the sheer relief of having gotten through a lot of treatments and having healed up a lot from damage done by the myeloma, there are other changes that I think have made me a more mature person.
I am braver now than I used to be. I worried a lot, had to face down a lot of fear a few years ago, and was more or less on edge for a long time regarding my prognosis. I may have now become a bit complacent or inured to the reality of having this incurable disease, but I don’t worry as much as I used to.
In addition, my squeamishness factor has really decreased. I could hardly stand the sight of blood before my diagnosis. I would cringe at getting any vaccinations, but I am fine with that now. I have had procedures such as bone marrow biopsies, 24-hour urine tests, dozens of blood tests, the installation and removal of a central line, apheresis to harvest my stem cells, and intravenous infusions of Velcade (bortezomib) and Aredia (pamidronate), as well as a stem cell transplant. I don't know what lies ahead for me me in the future, but chances are that I have already had some experience with it, and that I will not be as apprehensive as I was before.
The treatments I have had so far have made me stronger and healthier. My bones have really strengthened a lot due to the bisphosphonate treatments. In addition, my myeloma is at a very low ebb, so it can’t do much damage. As long as my medical team can help me to keep the myeloma counts to a minimum, I have a fighting chance to keep this as a chronic condition. Turning the condition from a ‘life-threatening’ to a ‘chronic, manageable’ situation is a huge step in the right direction in my situation.
I need to go for blood tests monthly in order to have my Revlimid (lenalidomide) prescription renewed, and I see a silver lining in that too. If anything were to start going awry with my blood counts, it would be noticed right away by my doctor.
Through myeloma, I have met some really terrific, hardworking, and dedicated people who are trying to help us patients get the best outcomes. That is humbling, and I try to express my appreciation to them for their efforts.
By studying the topic of myeloma, I am learning more about the body, in particular the immune system. This in turn helps me to understand this disease better and make me a well-informed patient.
Maybe it’s because of the medications I’m on, or just the realization that I mustn’t think that life goes on forever, but I also have made time to turn to creative pursuits. I am enjoying writing, singing in a choir, and working on crafts. I think that is time well spent, since it is relaxing and allows me to live in the moment.
I feel the same way about exercise. Not only does it help me relax, it also strengthens me. Getting out in nature on walks with our "grandpuppy" also reminds me of the beauty of the world.
My family and friends have always been really central to my life. Since my diagnosis, I have become even closer with them, which is a great boon to me.
Overall, I have an enjoyable life now. My silver linings are in the now of my life.
Can you see some positives in your situation too?
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The quotation for this month is from Emily Pauline Johnson-Tekahionwake (1861 - 1913), a Canadian writer and entertainer, who said: "On, sweet water, on, Never still, never humble, Never mourn days that are gone" (from 'The Kicking Horse River').
Nancy Shamanna is a multiple myeloma patient and a columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of her columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column to be published by The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
I think I've mentioned Matt 6:34 to you before. Don't worry about tommorow as today has enough to deal with. This is excellent advice. I too have gone thru the regimen most MM patients go thru. However the key joys in life, my wife, my family, my faith, and all the activities we enjoy - make life enjoyable. This summer we put 50 yards of wood chips in our gardens to keep the soil moist and weeds to a minimum. Even before myeloma we put 40 yards per year into the gardens in our large rural lot. We planted trees, cut some old trees down( done by Professional), will be planting hundreds of tulip bulbs, planted new shrubs, replaced some old ones. My wife and I love gardening and it is great exercise. Today we discovered a Midland Painted Turtle in our largest pond (3 ponds) and we were able to catch him/her to examine it and enjoy it's beautiful red, yellow and orange markings. We released it after a few minutes and consider ourselves privileged to share the earth with such an amazing creature. Our yard was visited by a Blue Heron while we caught our breath sitting in our lounge chairs. Blessed again.
We value time more now than we did when we were young. Living with MM has its issues, but most days bring us enjoyment and ability to enjoy our garden, the startling blue waters of Lake Huron, and the best sunsets in the world. Some days MM doesn't even enter into the conversation.
Hope your silver linings last forever.
Fighting MM and learning to cope with a positive attitude looking for the silver linings is a blessing . Many thanks for the motivating post
and comments......Seshadri
What a beautiful column! Like opening a window into the good things in life and not letting yourself get trapped in the worries brought by this ailment. Life is indeed beautiful and should be enjoyed as long as it lasts. Meeting everything and everyone with a smile while i can, something that I am trying to imbibe. Thank you for the wonderful column. Also a beautiful little comment there by Eric, painting such a beautiful picture, thank you for that.
Hi Nancy,
Thanks for this great column!
Several of the silver linings you mentioned resonated with me, especially your last one.
I think almost everyone who is not a sociopathic killer or something like that is loved by their friends and family. But I think many people go through their entire lives without realizing how much they are loved because in our Western culture it's often hard to express that love to someone you're not intimate with.
My having multiple myeloma and talking about it with friends and family opened some sort of gate that allowed my friends and non-immediate family members to show me their love in all sorts of different ways, unique to each person. I never expected this to happen, and I certainly don't feel like I have done anything special to deserve the outpouring that I've received. I'm just a regular guy trying to stumble my way through all of this multiple myeloma stuff.
So getting a chance to see how much I'm loved is the silver lining for me. I am really, really lucky!
Mike
Hi All, thanks for your special and kind comments!
Eric, I have been to Huron County. On my father's side, some Scottish homesteaders settled in Kincardine. My great-grandparents were lighthouse keepers at Pt. Clark (now a national historic site), and my paternal grandfather was born there. It was a very nice summer day when we visited there, back when our 2 children were still in jr. high school We all climbed up the lighthouse tower and looked out over that inland sea, Lake Huron! There is a small museum at the site, and I got some books and pictures of the lighthouse...haven't been back again, but would like to sometime. Your garden sounds just lovely...I often see gt. blue herons and bald eagles out on the west coast, near Courtenay, on the Salish Sea shoreline. My mother lives there and I visit her frequently.
Thanks Sesha, I hope you are doing well. I would rather be a happier person than sad, maybe it's my nature to be that way. It has helped me thru the last few years to be that way.
Upsasna, nice to hear from you again. Hope all goes well with your family.
Thanks to you also, Mike. Maybe our family and friends are more open and emotional when faced with the fact that one of their dear ones has a major health issue! I have found others to be very considerate too, and that is definitely a 'silver lining'!
Nancy,
Thank you for the great column. Your words "Chronic, manageable disease" are sure good ones.
I am so grateful for excellent med. care that has gotten my mm under good control. My life is somewhat quieter than before, but it's good.
I guess I can say that I truly appreciate the simple things in life so much more than I did before when I was rushing around. Simple is good!
Thanks for the quotations you have with your columns.
It is interesting that it it should take an effectively terminal illness for both ourselves, and if we are lucky our family and friends, to appreciate life and each other.
In any family and circle of friends and acquaintances there will be mixed reactions to hearing about our having MM. I from the start was fully open about having MM. I am not a moribund person, post diagnosis struggled with the affects of MM yet also got on with the life of continuing to be a carer of two very aged parents who could not really understand what my disease meant and I worked with that knowledge, although I knew that this role was under threat.
I was in many ways fortunate that work had been effectively abandoned long ago to caring role that this was not a concern. I am grateful I was able to be there at the end for / with parents, not without major hiccup I might add.
I found that the reaction of those who I had considered friends of long standing were mixed, some did not make contact after diagnosis, others much more frequent contact (they were loosing friends to illness). My friends / family are older, sick or dying too and not nearby either.
If one has a large / extended family around about them and has developed a larger circle of friends and acquaintances life can still be pretty good. But as an isolated care giver with no family support and no social networks anymore I had to think about how I could still feel 'connected'. So each day lived simply and doing what is needed and having contact with others is important.
Many people with our illness deal with not only the illness and life alone because they have found family and friendship support has become limited and they cannot get out. I find that truly sad because we as a society have largely abandoned others who are not family, long standing friends, etc. and are effectively alone. Those who have good connections should doubly appreciate this unique silver lining to their lives.
Living life to our fullest ability is important. To be loved is a great bonus.
Thanks for these comments!
Sylvia, I realized lately that my disease could now be considered 'chronic', after six years, and right now is being managed well. That is not true for all patients though, so we try to support research and advocacy for new drugs. Even if we don't need them right now, there are others who do. We of course don't know what is in our futures...it is not given to us to know that.
Glad you liked my quote! You might like to read the book called 'Legends of Vancouver', by E. Pauline Johnson (100th Anniversary Ed.). Her poem, 'Kicking Horse River' was set to music in a choral version and we have sung it at my choir in several seasons. First sang it on Canada Day with a large massed choir on Parliament Hill (Nat'l Arts Ctr.) in 2005. I think it is my top inspirational song, for it tells the story of a feisty river making its way to the sea, not letting any obstacles get in the way.
Edna, I am so glad that you have found the Beacon, and you are contributing lots of thoughtful, good posts! I think I can understand a bit of how the isolation of being a caregiver plus being a patient at the same time could be very wearing and isolating. I hope that you are able to get back to a more normal life now.
Nancy , Thank you so much for putting into words how a disease like myeloma can open your heart and mind to the silver linings we hopefully have all found.
Since my diagnosis 2 years ago I have tried to find joy in each day .The simple realization of how much I have been loved by.my family and friends has been both a comfort and a motivator to live life fully and not leave things unsaid .I live in a small community where there are very few people with myeloma .However I have joined an exercise class for cancer survivors and met some friends that had I not had myeloma I never would have had . This disease has taught me to take tour blessings as you find them .
I really loved yor column and as a Canadian literature lover will lookup E Pauline Johnson s Legends of Vancouver . Thanks.for your column .
Lomie
Thanks for your kind words, Lomie! I have also met new friends since my myeloma diagnosis, fellow MM patients and also other cancer patients. Being involved with this as a patient has brought me blessings too. Do you like Cdn. mysteries? My favourite mystery author is Louise Penny. She has an imaginary village in Quebec as settings for her novels.
I love Louise Penny .She spoke at my sons graduation ceremony at Bishops Universityand I have devoured her books .My husband has too .We have spent some time in the Eastern a Townships but as of yet have not found Three Pines .
I have her latest book and will start it this weekend .
There is another set of mysteries written by Giles Blunt that you might enjoy . (Not quite as good as Louise penny's books but good reads none the less ) They-are set in North Bay Ontario and our whole family has enjoyed them . He writes for Law and Order .He is from NorthBay and paints an excellent picture of north eastern Ontario.
Enjoy the mystery, Lomie! I look forward to reading the latest in the series also. Will try your other suggestion also. Our public library has everything it seems, and it's easy to put books on hold. What a coincidence that we both know about Three Pines village, but not where it is. My husband and I so enjoyed a trip to Quebec City and a drive up on the north shore of the St. Lawrence to Tadoussac last year. We hadn't been there before and were very impressed with how well the historic buildings have been preserved there. Apparently the old fortress of Quebec is the only walled city remaining in either Canada or the US.
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