Letters From Cancerland: State Secrets
Who among us has not received advice as to cures, nostrums, and panaceas?
Who among us has not received more tips on secret remedies than any B-movie bookie would give while running a numbers racket?
Who among us has not been told we should have gone to this doctor or that hospital (never the one we are going to) or that it is too bad we have myeloma because the speaker knows someone – a spouse, a parent, a fifth cousin, a neighbor, a celebrity – who died of a non-specific cancer, and while it may not be myeloma, they are pretty sure it was similar and “you know, there was nothing anyone could do for him” so too bad for our luck?
Admit it, we all have. You know it. I know it. From wheatgrass juice to flax seed to “a certain type of chemo that you can only get at Hospital X,” we have all been sitting ducks at one time or another for well-meaning (or not) comments about what we could / should do right now if we are serious about saving our lives.
After almost 11 years of myeloma, I thought I had heard it all.
I was wrong.
A few weeks ago, after my trip to the Mayo Clinic, I stopped in a small downtown store to pick up an item on hold. My husband Warren had beat me to it, and, in passing, had apparently mentioned to the storeowner that we had just returned from a medical consultation.
The merchant had misheard Warren as to the medical problem and said something to me about my asthma. No, I said, I have cancer.
Oh dear. Her face immediately took on that sad, pained look that some people get when you say the C word out loud.
“I’m so sorry,” she said.
She then came closer and put her hand on my upper arm. She looked around her store (which happened to be empty) and said in a low, confidential tone, “I need to tell you something that a good friend of mine shared with me.”
Oh, trust me, I was all ears.
“There have been over 50 US presidents, and none of them has ever died of cancer.”
My immediate thought was that there have not been over 50 presidents (Obama being only the 44th), but what popped out of my mouth was more flippant.
“So you’re saying I should run for president?”
The poor dear overlooked my sarcasm and said in a solemn whisper, “The pharmaceutical lobby has the cure but is keeping it from the public because they want to make money at your expense, but they have to allow the president to have the drug.”
I was speechless.
My mind flashed to all the ramifications of this revelation. The pharmaceutical companies must be playing both sides of the fence, because in this most Republican of counties in which I live, any chance to slam a Democrat would have already been voiced. Who knew? And clearly this benefit of being in the White House does not extend to the first ladies, as both Betty Ford and Nancy Reagan underwent mastectomies due to breast cancer during their husbands’ tenures.
I recovered my equanimity to point out that I had never met an oncologist who would not gladly stop practicing medicine immediately if a cure for cancer – all cancers – was found. “Trust me,” I said, “There is no conspiracy to kill off over 580,000 Americans a year.”
And then I left the store before I said anything else. I was shook up, I was more than irked, and I was laughing at what I think might be called “pig ignorance,” except that pigs are pretty darn bright, as George Orwell demonstrated in Animal Farm.
A half block away, I ran into a close friend who also has cancer and shared with him the state secrets I had just been privy to. His extremely caustic and fairly obscene response was just the right antidote.
I also shared the observation online and drew a bevy of responses, the best one being from my former law partner, no slouch when it comes to witty comebacks: “No president has ever died in a zeppelin accident either. Coincidence? I think not.”
In writing this column, I rehashed the episode with Warren, who also has a sharp sense of humor. His face lit up and his grin broadened. “No wonder there are so many candidates running in 2016!”
Clearly, the lure of being guaranteed no cancer (but only for yourself, not for your spouse, not for your children) is a powerful draw. That and the zeppelin ride.
April Nelson is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of her previously published columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column for The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
April, that is one of the best ones I've heard. One does wonder if those dispensing the advise and "wisdom" are actually listening to what they are saying.
April is clearly back on "her game"...
Glad to hear.
Keep going.
They may not have DIED from cancer, but several certainly were treated for it:
https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070410093000AAIW7lt
I walked into an ocologist waiting room a few months ago while a woman there was "waxing elephant" about the fact that she used to work in a medical facility and she knew that there were cures for the common cold and other maladies, but that the medical establishment and pharmaceutical companies were colluding to withhold those cures in order to continue make money. She left before I could respond to her directly, but after she left, I told the few people sitting there that what she said was total crap. The good thing is that they weren't silly enough to believe her. A cynic will be cynical. Someone who believe in conspiracy will always find one. And those who do not trust in human goodness will always see evil around them.
Oh, April! What a great column. I am still laughing! Thanks.
Thanks for making me laugh. That type of advice can be hard. I have a cousin who became an evangelical vegan after his wife died of glioblastoma. Although vegan diets have been linked to improved cardiovascular health and do help control weight, his proselytizing gets hard to take!!
April
Eleven years with myeloma. I would say you are doing something right. As someone who has been through almost 5 years, I thought I was doing something right. So enumerate to us what you think is mostly responsible for the 11 years. I have learned a lot from the Myeloma Beacon, as to what seems to work and what others do for side effects, etc., so a little history of your regimen may be beneficial to us.
The store owner / worker must not have ever heard of President U.S. Grant ... who died from throat cancer.
I just found out I have smoldering multiple myeloma, and I always expected to have some form or type of cancer. Early in my Air Force crew-chief career, I was exposed to a "dry cleaning" solvent called PD-680, and reacted badly to it (chemical burns), and it made me very sensitive to other petroleum products, like JP-4, jet engine (synthetic) oil, and hydraulic fluids. The AF doctors did a skin-patch allergy type test, and I was +4 reaction to all, and was then medically disqualified from anything having to do with aircraft. I had to give-up working on cars (a hobby), and was retrained into the AF nuclear, biological, and chemical warfare branch (HOY VEY!). I spent my last 4.5 years in the AF teaching at the nuclear weapons school. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed what I was doing (and was darn good at it, too!), and have no regrets.
Contrary to all the bad press the VA gets, I feel that I have had superior treatment at the VAMC Loma Linda, CA, and will probably continue there, so long as the 100+ mile round trip doesn't become a drag. And being kind of a science geek, the smoldering multiple myeloma and monitoring, possible treatments, T-cell transplant, etc, is all interesting (or maybe I'm in denial?).
We'll see how things go, and I hope for my own 11 years ... or more!
Pax!
Hi Eric - You can find more about the treatments April has undergone by reading her very first column, "Letters From Cancerland: How Did I Get Here From There?" (Jan 29, 2013) and also this comment, which April wrote in regard to one of her columns last year.
All the best,
The Myeloma Beacon Staff
April Nelson (author) said:
I was out of town for 3+ days (at an international percussion convention – all drumming, all the time) and am reading these. The depth and thoughtfulness of the comments reflects the depth of our online community. This is a hard discussion and a hard topic, yet one every human faces. Some of us just face it faster than others.
Excuse me while I go crash.
``````````
I missed this one in 2014, April. Sorry.
Here is something to sing, ...whilst you drum.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bang_the_Drum_All_Day
Regards,
Well said and funny.
There was one president that had cancer. Ronald Reagan had skin cancer whilst in office that was successfully treated. I guess he wasn't on the list.
Reagan also had colon cancer while in office.
It's all true April! I read it on the internet (-:.
Ha, there certainly is a Confederacy of Dunces out there providing disinformation on cancer treatment. I'm so grateful for the sanity of the Beacon and a few other sites. Thanks for the laugh!
I have cracked up reading all of these comments. Bonus points to K. Grant H.: Ulysses Grant did indeed die of throat cancer after he left the White House. Apparently the secret Presidential cure does not extend to former presidents. Suzanne correctly notes that Reagan was treated successfully for skin cancer – clear proof to the conspiracy theory that only the President gets special cancer drugs!
Rneb, I live with over 1000 percussion instruments, including 4 concert timpani, in the room formerly known as the family room and more crotales than most percussion manufacturers have in stock at any given time. Maybe next month's column should be about the percussive arts.
And, finally, Eric, there is no magic answer as to how I made 10+ years. Myeloma is so screwy and so individualized as to each of us that what I did or did not do has no relevance other than anecdotal. I attribute it to lots of pie (I bake) and lots of community service, but I doubt any oncologist would prescribe either. And my oncologist would just roll his eyes if I said that to him.
April,
I have wanted to respond to your column for a while now. Unfortunately, I've been recovering from the side effects of radiation treatments. Just a note of interest, I was assured beforehand that there would be no side effects.
As you mentioned, myeloma and the effects of myeloma treatments are so individualized that virtually any kind of generalizations will be wrong as often as they are right!
Well, yes, OK, all generalizations except for the fact that our government is hiding the cure. That seems self evident ...
Great article!
Thanks
Daniel
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