I was thinking recently about a challenge that comes up reg­u­larly in my pro­fes­sional role as a learning consultant and instructional designer.

I am hired to develop corporate training materials, and one of my responsibilities is helping clients identify the key learning objectives for their training projects.

This aspect of my work got me wondering: If I were to consult with myeloma pa­tients and their families, what learning objectives would I recommend for them? What skills do they need the most?

One of the most important things a myeloma patient can do is to seek care from a myeloma specialist, but that speaks mainly to the physical needs of the patient.  What about the psychological needs of everybody in­volved? What are the key skills for coping with myeloma?

I decided to discuss this topic with my husband, Daniel, who was diagnosed with smoldering myeloma in 2012. This column is our response to that question.

Skill #1: Adapt to and cope with change.

One of the best skills you can learn is how to cope with change.

Adapting to change is tough. Corporations spend millions of dollars teaching their employees how to rec­og­nize the need for change, cope with it in a healthy way, and adapt their skills to their new environments.

Myeloma patients and their families also deal with change. I have heard countless patients and their families talk about their experiences when they or their loved one was first diagnosed. All tell similar stories about how shocking it was and how irrevocably it changed their worlds.

If I could hit the rewind button back to 2012, I would tell myself what I should have known from my pro­fes­sional training: people aren’t born knowing how to cope with and manage change. It’s a skill that must be learned, like learning new operating software or starting a new job.

Too often, we’re in a daze when we are first impacted by major change. We just go from day to day, trying to deal with it as best as we can, like a pinball in contained chaos, bouncing off of strobe-lit flippers and sound-making bumpers, until we go down the wrong path and we have to start again.

It’s important to remember that the journey through change is a continuous learning process. Learning how to respond healthily to change makes all the difference between surviving change and thriving in the midst of it.

Seek out resources to assist you in strengthening change skills. Read books on personal change man­age­ment, attend myeloma seminars, find support through the Beacon’s discussion forum ^[1] or myeloma support groups in your community, and consider whether you need to speak to a qualified professional.

Also, don’t be afraid to ask your specialist questions, regardless of how basic they sound to your ears. Mye­lo­ma specialists have had years to study the disease, and they understand that patients and their families are getting a crash course in myeloma (that they never signed up for).

Most importantly, recognize that, like the acquisition of any new skill, adapting and coping with change takes time. The goal is to live with myeloma and not be controlled by it. The more you learn about your limits, your emotional needs, your trigger issues, and where you find your strength, the more you’ll get a sense that you are doing what you need to do to live with myeloma in a healthy way.

Skill #2: Compartmentalize your life. 

Another skill that patients and their families need is the ability to compartmentalize their lives into man­age­able chunks, so that they are able to function normally.

Life doesn’t stop for myeloma. The circumstances of living with myeloma include some not so pleasant things, and if you are not careful, they can become the focus of each day, choking out the other aspects of life, until only the myeloma remains.

Focus on your work when it is time to do that. Focus on the things in your personal life that make you happy. When possible, minimize the things that take away from your joy. Enjoy your hobbies or, if necessary, find new ones that require less physical exertion. Celebrate birthdays and anniversaries, go to the movies, take the dog to the park, and visit with friends.

Myeloma will take enough of your physical and psychological energy. Don’t give it more than what is nec­es­sary.

For Daniel and me, we put some things on the shelf, to be dealt with at a later time. We concentrate on the present, to ensure that today is a good day. This may sound simplistic compared to the gravity that myeloma can bring to bear, but we handle issues as they arise, and we keep moving forward each day, seeking to prioritize and compartmentalize as needed.

Managing change is really more about managing transitions between what used to be, what is now, and what will be in the future. The past is past, and the future will happen. Today, however, is where we live.

Skill #3: Actively practice hope.

Lastly, I would urge you to practice being hopeful.

Hope can help you to recharge your batteries and give you what you need for that day. It shines a bright light into the doubt-filled corners that creep into your mind, and it can calm the anxious spirit. If I’m feeling a bit down, I focus on the things that I’m hopeful about, and before too long, my attitude improves.

Myeloma demands mental toughness from us all. There are times when it’s tough to be positive. That’s un­der­stand­able. The beautiful thing about hope is that you can have it even when there isn’t a lot to be pos­i­tive about.

Hope brings peace and comfort to the weary, and it stems the tide of worry. But, most of all, it strengthens us as we look toward the horizon for what tomorrow might bring: a cure.