“Stay positive!” “Be hopeful!” “Don’t worry, one of the new drugs will work!”

Friends, family members – even people we meet for the first time on the street – all try to help keep our spirits up. A bit over-the-top, sometimes, but I try and be appreciative and not blame them for their naïveté.

No matter how hard we try, it’s impossible to stay positive and hopeful all of the time. Someone who’s chronically ill is going to have a bad day. Especially since the majority of us aren’t only chronically ill, we’re termi­nal, battling a cancer that is unlikely to be cured in time.

Most people can’t, in good conscience, say that they are in such a sit­ua­tion. But I can. I’m a late-stage myeloma patient. My “unlikely to be cured in time” may not be too far away.

That said, I don’t think it does any of us any good to wallow in self pity or feel sorry for ourselves for too long. Sure, I think we’re entitled to get down about all the unwanted challenges we face: medical, financial, and emotional. By definition, having cancer isn’t any fun.

Given our unfortunate circumstances, it is unrealistic to expect us to stay “up” all the time. Living with multiple myeloma is a downer! It really is! But let’s stipulate that that’s a fact and move on. I’ll be darned if I’m going to mope around and waste what could be years of (mostly) good times!

So here’s my first tip: Take some time every other day or so and mourn your unfair lot in life. Then, try to set it aside and live the kindest, best, and most productive life you can for as long as you have left. If we don’t do that – if we can’t give back and help make the lives of others better – why are we even here? Why bother?

We have been given a rare opportunity. You and I understand what it’s like to be sick and dying. This per­spec­tive can help us help others much more effectively. We’re living it; what an incredible opportunity to be selfless. We can help and relate to others in a way even a nurse or doctor cannot.

My second tip: Go with the flow. Use emotional momentum, both positive and negative, to your ad­van­tage. Feeling down today? Go with it; allow yourself a half hour or so to wallow. Then, get out and take a walk, speak with a positive (not toxic) friend, try and do something to change the momentum.

Feeling good? Go with that, too. Reach out and do something positive. Embrace the hope of finding a new drug that will work for you in a myeloma research pipeline jammed with options. Do something “normal” folks would do. This is an even better time to exercise. Take that positive energy and rock and roll!

It’s much easier to ride a wave of emotion than it is to try and turn things around.

But be careful: If the down waves start to outnumber positive ones, you need to address that, with a close friend or maybe even a professional.  I’m mixing my metaphors, but don’t allow yourself to start sinking down into negative quicksand. Remember shows like Lassie, where someone was caught in quicksand, slowly sinking with no hope in sight?

In all cases, help invariably came along; someone to extend a branch or piece of lumber for you to latch onto and help pull yourself out. The take-away message:  Help is always available. Don’t wait too long until the sand rises up over your shoulders — even if you’re stubborn and don’t think you need it yet.

Summing things up, don’t be afraid to feel down and reflect about that once in a while. On the flip side, take one positive thought or feeling and build on it, creating a wave of positive emotion and action for as long as you can.

Happy New Year to all of my readers and friends. Who am I kidding? My readers are my friends!

Feel good and keep smiling!