Pat’s Place: Finding Comfort In The Simple Things
Most people avoid doing chores, whether it be washing dishes, mowing the lawn, doing laundry, or walking the dog. But for me, daily tasks are a joy.
I take great pleasure in the simple things. Routine is a welcome respite. I enjoy spending time around the house, chipping away at the “honey do” list – writing my column, or working on my next book with our dog, Finnegan, lying at my feet.
It wasn’t always this way. I dreaded the mundane and repetitive tasks from which there was no escape. But that was before I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma.
As the relapses come closer together, I find comfort in doing things that scream, “Normal!”
I don’t have a bucket list. I don’t yearn to cruise the Mediterranean or hike the Appalachian Trail. For me, sticking to a simple routine is comforting. Recycling goes out on Wednesday, trash on Thursday. Check and answer email. Write a bit. Grab some lunch – something fun that I get to choose – when I hear the theme song for “The Young and the Restless” playing on TV in the other room.
I don’t have the stamina to do much yard work anymore. But I do my best to get something done. And, while it can be discouraging given that I can’t do what I could a short year or two ago, working in the yard rekindles childhood memories of mowing and raking the neighbor’s yard.
Although I don’t make time to meditate regularly, getting caught up in my simple routine is a sort of mantra – mindless, repetitive chores that provide an escape from the realities of my cancer.
That said, a day-to-day routine isn’t enough. I’ve always needed more. Helping my fellow myeloma survivors fills my heart and gives me a reason to take those first painful steps out of bed each morning.
I’ve always lived for the future. Deferred gratification was my middle name. Take that away, and I’m a lost soul. That’s why our recent move across Florida was so important to me.
True, the planning and the packing were all crazy hard. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to feeling overwhelmed more than once by all the things that had to be done. We had to find a home, make plans to renovate it, and then sell our home in Weeki Wachee. I also had to find new doctors and a new pharmacy. Along the way, we had to switch banks, and don’t even get me started on the endless series of change of address forms that had to be filled out.
Doing all of this while not knowing if my new myeloma therapy was going to work was exhausting.
But I also felt energized and alive! Pattie and I were planning for the future. We were moving to our favorite vacation spot: Fernandina Beach on Amelia Island. The thought of taking long walks along the beach – our beach – was intoxicating.
Fast forward ten weeks. Most of the boxes are unpacked. The new pool will be finished on Friday, so we can add swimming laps to our exercise routine again (I miss our pool back on the Gulf Coast). Pattie was able to swing a transfer to a dialysis clinic here on the Island and she’s getting settled in. We’ll be able to spend the weekend working around the house. I look forward to Saturday visits to the garden center, grocery store, and Home Depot!
It all leaves me feeling hopeful. Hopeful that my new Pomalyst (pomalidomide, Imnvoid) therapy is going to work. Hopeful that the pain caused by active myeloma lesions in my hips and at the base of my neck will melt away. Hopeful that I’ll be here for the first Christmas in our new home – and for many Christmases after that.
Maybe I can even make time to enjoy an ice cold beer on the patio. Now that’s worth living for!
Feel good and keep smiling!
Pat Killingsworth is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of all his columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column for The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
Before I got sick,I worked at Home Depot. If my customer complained about a new disability, I would tell them to be happy for what they could do, not sad for what they can't do. Now it's me disabled, er, mobility impaired, and its hard to remember my mantra. Hang in there, we're all in this together (quoting Red Green).
Pat, I like the fact you moved to your favorite vacation spot. Great idea. You're lucky. The fact you have a Pattie in your life is another huge plus. I had to move to Phoenix, which hot weather and me don't get along well, but the myeloma care is world class. I have no Pattie nor do I know anyone except doctors. So you're doing good. I wish you many more Home Depot trips.
I thought I was the only one who didn't have a bucket list and just wanted a normal day! Thank you so much for sharing this! I get my pleasure from being creative. I can do just about any home craft you can think of and I simply adore cooking. Most of that I can't do easily anymore. Standing at the stove, sitting in one spot for an hour, moving my hands in a repetative fashion, these are all things I used to take for granted. Now I long for the days when I can do it again without pain meds and heating pads and a stationary bike.
I loved this article, Pat! It struck some very familiar chords. Wishing you many years of honey-dos ahead in beautiful Amelia Island.
Pat,
I live near Savannah Georgia, and we will often do a day trip to Fernadina Beach and Amelia Island. I love the beach there with the white sugar sand and blue water. But I still, like you, take joy in being able to do things, because I know that remissions are fleeting with 1gG kappa MM. So I drive the 45 minutes to the Tybee Island and decompress in a chair with umbrella and book.
It is nice to know you are so close. and that you enjoy the same part of the country I love. Glad to hear you are doing well. I am the only one that I know in this area that has MM. Only others are my Myeloma Beacon Buddies. So I try to keep up with all of you daily. It is the only support I have.
We love Red Green, Bob! Used to watch him often.
I have been truly blessed, Ralph. I was thinking about that as I wrote the column; how many don't have the option of staying home, or moving to their community of choice.
And thanks, Sharon, Sean and Mary! Sounds like we all have a lot in common; one reason I've made so many myeloma friends. Mary, maybe we can grab a bite to eat next time you drive south to visit!
Hey Pat ... Maybe Mary Dee and I can come meet you for lunch! Mary, I live in Richmond Hill! You need to contact me! Keep on writing Pat!
Hey Pat,
I wish and pray that the Pom will do the job. I will love to meet you one day here or there. You are always welcome to visit Israel.
Efra
Regarding your pleasure in simple tasks, you might enjoy reading some Thich Nhat Hahn, a wonderful Vietnamese monk, once nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for his work on the Paris Peace Talks, now living in France and speaking all over world.
He writes splendidly on Mindfulness and doing the dishes. Has another great bit on health and illness: basically, we couldn't have health without illness. Ironically interesting! Also talks, as you do, about how we can be happy with what health we do have: eyesight or mobility perhaps.
Just found some possible extramedullary cytomas that doctors seem to know little about. One doc told me, "Sh-t, you know more about this stuff than I do !" You bet. I agree with you that knowledge is power. Gotta be our own uber-informed advocates. Interestingly, the treatment I may opt for is POM. So let's keep posted on the fun side-effects. As a now slow runner ($&@€£#¥ walkers pass me!) and bit faster cyclists, I look forward to the breathlessness and fatigue associated with POM and possible heart damage.
My doc pro Lonial has a promising trial on monoclonal antibodies. Perhaps our next hope!!!
Live well and fully,
Van
Hey Kathy and Mary, maybe Efra can join us for lunch, too. Should we all chip in for an international plane ticket? Tough time to be hanging around Israel...
And you keep moving, Van! That's great! Isn't Kyprolis the one with more common cardiac related side effects? I do notice shortness of breath with POM toward the end of the 21 day cycle. A bit of fatigue, too. Just learned today that My M-spike is back up. Looks like my docs will need to start adding something else; that's when the side effects can ground us and take us off the road, sort of speak.
Arnie had great luck with cytoxic agents working on his extramedullary cytomas because they aren't designed to work in the bone marrow like IMiDs and PIs.
As someone who has always enjoyed the mundane semi-mindless tasks of home care and maintenance, I understand. In a mini-version of what you describe, because of pain from the onset of the disease coupled with a difficult reaction to Zometa, last summer I was unable to do these mundane chores for a number of months. This winter recovering from an ASCT set me back further. So, now that I am able to do these things again, I am indeed grateful.
Well said. For me, knowing that I am still here brings me joy, I am extremely grateful that I can still do mundane chores (sometimes I might not want to :)). But like you I need to have something else that I can work towards, either helping others with mm, watching/helping my children grow into adulthood, or getting all of my gluten free recipes / knowledge out of my head and onto a computer. So I can be as busy as I want to be or really as busy as my body allows me to be.
Sometimes another more practical side of me kicks in and I look at our house and think of the future. I feel it could be adjusted to fit a wheelchair if I ever need one (those pesky spinal fractures). Until that time comes, I will continue enjoying my "work" and my garden. Just had a thought - I have raised veggie beds. I could design a wheelchair path to them if need be. I will continue to smile while I garden even if I am in a wheelchair.
For you it must be wonderful to have a new project (garden, pool, etc) that you can put your energy into. The body may be weaker than it was, but the mind is still active. Keep smiling, keep active, and all the best for your treatment.
Got some bad news today. My M-spike has jumped back up. Patience and living one day at a time takes a lot of discipline in the face of anxious news. But I'm getting better at it; in great part because of support from my friends and readers!
Pat - I am sorry to hear of your increased M-spike. It is times like these that a stroll on the beach, breathing in that salt air and feeling the sand are even more important - one day at a time. Your sentiments about doing the "simple" things is poetic and touching and a great reminder to all. Thank you!
Pat, I too like to get stuff done at home, although to be honest my husband does a lot of that! I remember when I got back to doing gardening again, after missing out on that for a year. Some neighbours came out and remarked on that it was nice to see me outdoors working away on my flower garden again! I gave up lawn mowing though.
So sorry to hear about the M-spike, but I know you are getting top notch medical treatment and hope that you can find a way around this too. There aren't very many more knowledgeable patients out there than you really. Best wishes!
Pat, thanks for another excellent column. So much of what you said rings true to me. Especially when I am feeling the effects of chemo brain, routine can be wonderful. Just sort of go onto automatic pilot, and I'm less likely to screw something up.
I'm really sorry to hear your news about the m-spike jumping up. Hang in there. You have many folks, including me, rooting very hard for you.
Pat, as I often borrow a line from an MM fighter, "Beat that Devil with a stick until you kill it dead." Or to quote the Black Crows, "I see my disease and STARE IT COLD!"
Fight on, brother.
Vandal
So many different ways to try and cope with our cancer! It's fascinating reading all of your suggestions, comments, and personal stories. It helps -- it really does. Thank you!
Aloha Pat,
As always your article is excellent! You are the main reason I have joined the Beacon writers' team.
I love your ability to find happiness with what you have. It is not always easy to do what you think is "mundane" and be satisfied. Point is though, that sometimes the mundane is all we can do and we are thrilled to be able to do it. Please try to stay as happy as you can. We appreciate the help you provide to our MM community. I'm glad you get a bang out of it also!
Best wishes on your new home. I know it is a big challenge to move to a new place.
Aloha
Tom
Hey Pat,
Is it possible in your situation to do another autologous bone marrow transplant?
Efra
How kind of you to say that, Tom. Thank you! And hello, Efra, my new friend from Israel. Yes, it is possible. I've suggested doing VDT-PACE first. No one seems too excited about the possibility so far. Not sure why. OK with me! As many of you can attest, no fun to undergo either of these intense therapies. I'm going to specifically address it with my Mayo Clinic specialist when I see him in September.
Beautifully said!
Hi, Pat!
Thanks for your column about doing the usual, ordinary things. I have my own list of things I do around my apartment, with friends, etc. that really keep me "life-focused." Just enjoying a good cup of coffee at my regular time for it is good stuff. Maybe it's the enjoyment of the "little things" that will help a lot of us as we deal with mm. Thanks for the reminder.
Best to you, Pat. Happy day to you there in FL.
Sylvia B.
Yes, there can be comfort in the simple things. A friend that practices Buddhism says repetitive, simple chores can become a form of meditation. So we've got that going for us!
Pat,
I have appreciated following your writing career as well as your M and M journey. I also am from the glorious state of Minnesota and now enjoy living in Arizona.
I was diagnosed with MGUS in 2004, received four months of induction therapy and a stem cell transplant at the local Mayo Clinic in 2010, with no need for further treatment, yet. But that day is getting closer.
When I do get treatment again, I hope my M and M cells don't reject whatever chemical cocktail we choose to do the job.
Best wishes,
Allen Nohre
No worries, Allen! Chances are most anything will work if and when you relapse. Lots of options. I'll trade! Good luck!
Pat,
Thanks for sharing your stories. Your attitude is very inspiring.
You bet! Glad I can help.
Hello Pat, I was diagnosed 7 years ago with multiple myeloma and have just celebrated my 5th stem cell anniversay and remission. I just want to thank you for writing your articles each month and know that I have more than once found comfort and strength in your words and wisdom. I wish you years of happiness in your new home and look forward to enjoying your future writings.
Awesome that you're doing so well, Carol! Wish my SCT would have worked for a quarter of the time yours has ...
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