As Mother’s Day approaches this Sunday here in Canada and many other coun­tries around the world, I wanted to write a column of appreciation to mothers everywhere. It seems that many times motherhood is a lifelong avoca­tion, and that mothers always try to help their chil­dren, even when the children become adults.

Certainly in my case, my mother is still on the scene for her four children (and her grandchildren, too). Even at her age as an octogenarian, she is well able to inspire and encourage her family members.

When I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma nearly five years ago, my mom came from her home in British Columbia to spend time with me. I was quite a mess at the time, hobbling around with a walker due to back fractures; I also had just started treatment with Velcade ^[1] (bortezomib) and dexamethasone ^[2] (Decadron). I was not only in physical, but also in emotional distress.

My mom comforted me as I was grieving over my cancer diagnosis. I reverted to childlike behavior and asked her to be there for me if I needed palliative care for this disease. As she left, she assured me that she would be there for me no matter what happened. Her words provided me with enormous comfort.  At the same time, I felt that it should really be the other way around. At her age, I should be looking after her more.

Fortunately for both of us, we have been able to share a lot of visits back and forth over the last five years. My mom still inspires me with her active mind, her commitment to her family, and her volunteer activities. When I visit, I always relax in her home, which is filled with books, plants, artwork, and crafts. She qualified as a ‘master gardener’ a few years ago and has an information display table at a local not-for-profit garden (the garden includes a meditation garden that I try to visit to ‘smell the roses.’)

My mom eats very well and enjoys what I would call a ‘flexitarian’ diet, consisting of lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, eggs, and fish. She belongs to a book club, and she loves natural history. In addition, she, my two sisters, and I have been playing online scrabble constantly since 2006. The scrabble helped to pull me through the phases of chemo brain that I experienced after high-dose chemotherapy.

My mother has set an example for me with her lifestyle that I try to emulate, and that has definitely helped in my recovery from myeloma to date. I try to ‘keep calm and carry on’ and follow a path that seems to be posi­tive. Seeing how a senior like my mother manages to navigate life is really helpful to me.

I am also blessed to have my step-mom close by (she and my dad also live in Calgary). They have been terrifically helpful to us and offered me and my family a lot of encouragement since my myeloma diagnosis. When I was being treated as an outpatient after my stem cell transplant, they drove me to many of my nu­mer­ous and lengthy appointments at the Bone Marrow Transplant Clinic.

My step-mom and I both enjoy the gentle art of needlework. In our climate, with its long winter, we have time to be involved with our local guild. Doing needlework together with my step-mom was very soothing and helpful to me during the trying times of induction chemotherapy, stem cell transplantation, and then a year of consolidation therapy (20 months of treatment overall).

My mother-in-law was also very inspiring to me because she taught me how to live gracefully with an incur­able disease. Sadly, we lost her a quarter century ago to stomach cancer. Despite having a terminal illness, she went through the last year of life as bravely as anyone could ever do. We grieved her loss very much, but at least she was with her beloved family during her illness. I can still remember her in her silk sari, playing with the grandchildren she loved so much.

Dilip’s and my two daughters are a real joy to us, and they too have been super concerned and helpful to me since my myeloma diagnosis. Since they are both working in the health care field, they understand the medical science of myeloma. They also always seem to know when my appointments are. They never fail to ask about my latest blood tests and how everything is going. I don’t like to burden them with my worries, but they are mature enough to understand what I am going through, it seems.

It was when I was at home recovering from the transplant that I noticed that one or both of them were calling or visiting every day. It dawned on me that our roles had reversed: they were mothering me, and I have to say that they were quite good at it. They told me that I had looked after them for so many years growing up, and that now it was their turn to look after me. That’s when I realized that my girls had grown up. Even though I’m doing much better today, we continue to talk nearly every day.

I don’t know how I would have coped psychologically without the calming influence of all the mothers in my life. How could I ever thank all these wonderful women enough? Flowers, cards, and gifts are only small tokens of appreciation.

I am so grateful to all of them and want to wish all a Happy Mother’s Day!

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The quotation for this month is from Honoré de Balzac (1799 - 1850), a French novelist and playwright, who wrote: “A mother’s happiness is like a beacon, lighting up the future but reflected also on the past in the guise of fond memories.”