Earlier this year, I realized that I might need some emotional help.  No matter how determined I am to stay hopeful and positive, living with multiple myeloma and being surrounded by my fellow myeloma patients, some of whom are seriously ill, can take its toll.

Many Americans are reluctant to seek professional help.  Working with a psychologist or psychiatrist is often stigmatized, and mental health is often misunderstood.

Neither of these was a problem for me.  My master’s degree in education included training as an alcohol and drug abuse counselor.  One reason I hadn’t pursued that career path was a selfish one: I found it depressing!

But I had sensed that I could use support for quite some time.  So why had I waited so long?

For me, the issues were time and finding the right fit.  A therapist may work for one person but not the next.  Taking the time to try and find the right person – and the time it would take driving too and from appointments and sitting in yet another waiting room – had discouraged me from seeking help.

But no matter how determined I was to stay hopeful and positive, dealing with myeloma 24/7 was taking its toll.  I found it was hard enough trying to live with my own cancer, let alone internalizing others’ struggles, too.

But where to begin?  I wanted to see someone who specialized in helping those with cancer.  So I started with my social worker at Moffitt Cancer Center.  I had met with her several times before and after undergoing my stem cell transplant there.  Since I live more than an hour away, I hoped she could recommend someone in my area, but no luck.  The most experienced cancer therapists are understandably at large cancer centers, so I reluctantly committed to make the drive.

It was a good choice for a variety of reasons.  First, I learned in order for insurance to cover the visits, I would need a referral from my myeloma specialist.  Second, It didn’t take me long to figure out that I could bundle my visits, scheduling therapy sessions before or after tests or appointments with my myeloma specialist, saving me an extra trip.

I met with my therapist for the first time three months ago.  In addition to a private practice focused on helping cancer patients, she has been working with Moffitt for 12 years.

In our introductory meeting, I wanted my therapist to give me some tips for ways to cope while helping other myeloma patients.  Instead, she focused on me and my life, before and after my diagnosis.

As rewarding as helping other myeloma patients is for me, do I ever miss my life before cancer?  What would I be doing now if I had never been diagnosed?  Had my cancer prevented me from doing what I really wanted to do?

Tough questions!  Certainly too much to tackle in a one hour session, so she suggested we meet once a month on an ongoing basis.

I finished my third therapy session on Monday.  As my therapist and I have gotten to know each other better, I find I’m looking forward to our meetings.

Is it helping?  YES!  And the funny thing is, I’m not sure why.  Although my therapist has revisited the questions she left me with after the first session, it isn’t like she’s systematically worked to help me find the answers.  Instead, she has encouraged me to identify a goal – something that has nothing to do with cancer – and make plans to pursue it.

But mostly we just talk, like two friends at the bar would while waiting for a table at their favorite restaurant.  But this is so much better!  At the end of each session, my therapist reviews important points, echoing my thoughts and helping me resolve things that might be getting in the way.

It may be inconvenient, or insurance may not pay the entire bill.  But I can highly recommend seeking professional help to my fellow myeloma patients and caregivers.  Being diagnosed – and living – with multiple myeloma is psychologically and emotionally difficult.  The anxiety most of us feel before learning the results of each of our blood tests is enough to jolt a screw loose now and then.  Knowing now how beneficial counseling is, I should have done this a long time ago.

Feel good and keep smiling!