Pat’s Cracked Cup: Chosen By Multiple Myeloma
We do not choose chronic illness – it chooses us. Being tapped on the shoulder by multiple myeloma is an invitation into a deeper experience of life, whether we like it or not.
Expressive writing is a useful practice for mining the depths of what is inside. Support groups frequently draw upon writing exercises, and studies have found that writing actually promotes true healing.
For those who want to use writing practice for self-discovery, I recommend a simple exercise beginning with the phrase “I remember.”
I remember pink and black tiled bathrooms of the 1950s.
I remember worrying about polio when I was a child.
I remember sleeping under the stars on a sandy beach in Hawaii.
I remember when I never thought about blood or bones hidden under my skin.
I remember when I did not know the difference between leukemia, lymphoma, melanoma, and myeloma.
I remember when I was three inches taller.
I remember when my hair had color.
I remember when I did not know what a chronic disease was.
Another effective phrase to begin claiming what you know is “I have learned.”
I have learned that statistics are shady, but I cannot forget that only 10 percent of myeloma patients survive beyond 10 years (and I hope that more recent studies have expanded this number).
I have learned that mindfulness meditation grounds me to what is here and now.
I have learned that no matter how much I live in the present moment, the approaching decade mark causes anxiety.
I have learned that my immune system depends upon a nutritious diet, exercise, and rest.
I have learned that using my creativity is essential to optimum health and wellbeing.
I have learned that the inevitability of death is the essence of life.
I have learned that change is highly dependable – it will happen.
A month ago I wrote about eighty-degree March weather, and today it is snowing in late April. There are many surprises and uncertainties along the way. Learning to articulate the whole story through writing taps into different parts of memory and description than ordinary conversation.
Talking to the people in your life may have certain limitations. Writing to yourself is free of restrictions. All you need is paper and pen.
Being chosen by multiple myeloma has taken me on a quiet journey that is much larger than it may appear to those around me. I have also learned that there is a great deal of mystery that cannot be explained or predicted.
Pat Pendleton is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of her columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column to be published on The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
Though I don't write a column, I'm grateful to you, Pat, and all the other columnists because you keep thi great cyber-group going. This is especially important for us who live in the hinterland where we may be one of only a couple MM sufferers. You all, both columnists and responders, make my day!
Another very good column from Pat! You are spot on! As I also approach the decade mile marker, I also relect on almost the very same things mentioned in your column! Thank You!!!! (MM/12/2002)
Hi Pat, As a fellow 'baby boomer' I can remember all those sorts of things too! Did you have 'pen pals' when you were a girl? I used to write letters to my pen pals...it occurred to me the other day that the Beacon is like that too, with all the messages flying back and forth. In elementary school days, you didn't need to actually know the person to be their pen pal... we had them in other countries as part of a school project. I guess I must be going into my second childhood now! Just kidding...wishing you all the best. I certainly enjoy your columns and think you are a really good writer too!
Thanks for that, Pat. It articulated a few things that have been bumping around in my head the past while... especially the idea of being more acutely mindful of my current existence. "What is" has far more importance than "what if", and so I am working hard at that. Especially so knowing that I have already spent maybe two or three years of the ones I have left... time is precious indeed for us.
I have learned that there are a lot of beautiful people like you Pat, who share their experiences and help the members of myeloma community to deal with their everyday problems. Thank you.
Great article Pat. I matched up with nine items on your list and one thing 'I have learned' is that I need to learn more.
--Steve
Thanks Pat, when I was diagnosed in January of 2012 (new to the journey) I told my friend "there is something here for me to learn, we'll see what it it". Patience and how to be a patient, medical jargon, how many loving and supporting friends and family I have in my life, everyday is different and offers a new challenge an change is daily and ambiguous, I can't control this (I have a "get it done personality").
I spent my last 20 working year helping people and organizations deal with reorganizations and change, it was good practice for this experience. My life has changed and will be something different than before; planning and seeing the future is my challenge. I gather and digest information as I can handle it, the chronic nature of the journey is overwhelming at times. My personal goal is to be courageous, face this with personal integrity and keep my sense if humor! But right now I have a rash from the Revlimide that is making me a bit crabby. We have stopped the med for now and will see what the next step of the journey entails.
That,s for the perspective that your decade milestone provides.
Cindy
I am touched by everyone's comments. Thank you for reading and sharing...Pat
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