Me vs. MM: Sung Heroes
In keeping with my "war-against-cancer" theme, I thought I'd touch on the topic of unsung heroes this month.
I had originally planned a different topic for this month’s column, but after reading Nancy D’s comment regarding not having a strong support group (in a reply to Nancy S’s recent column), I began reflecting on the people that support me.
Every war has its unsung heroes, those individuals that work behind the lines making sure the war runs smoothly but rarely getting the attention that those actually fighting the battle get.
These are the people who take care of logistics, keep the supply lines flowing, tend the sick and injured, and in general provide the support that is so crucial to waging a war.
I imagine for the majority of us, the biggest unsung hero is our primary caregiver. In my case, it’s my wife.
She tends to me when I'm not feeling well, comforts me when I'm down, motivates me to fight this battle, caters to my dietary idiosyncrasies, handles the finances, and more, all while dealing with the anxieties and uncertainties that come with this disease.
In short, she loves and cares for me unconditionally and I’ll never be able to thank her enough - but I sure will try.
There are also my kids, all of whom are there to pitch in as needed. More than that though, it's the quality time we spend together and the efforts they make to not let this disease take over, that mean so much to me.
My father-in-law and his partner, both of whom previously lost spouses to cancer, have opened their home to me when I travel for treatment. Their generosity has helped add a personal touch to what would otherwise be a lonely stay in a hotel, and our discussions provide a perspective that I otherwise am not exposed to.
My employer and coworkers are another source of support. They have accommodated my time away for treatment, allowed me flexibility in my work schedule, and adjusted their schedules around my availability. Without this support, it would have been difficult to keep working.
Then there's the multitude of family and friends that pray for us, provide meals, send cards, post notes to my website, talk with us, spend time with us, and in general just look out for us and let us know we're not alone in this fight.
Finally, where would I be without the cancer center.
Obviously there's my doctor, but I think even more notable are my nurse practitioner and the infusion center staff. Both exhibit such a warm, genuine concern for my well-being, are so committed to my treatment, and always have an upbeat attitude in lieu of the fact most of their patients have a terminal disease.
I’ve worked in various lead positions for over 20 years, and one of the most important lessons I've learned over that time is the power of thank you.
So often, a successful delivery, or a critical milestone, comes down to the extra effort put in by the unsung heroes in the company, so I always make sure to show my appreciation.
Likewise, I try to do the same for the unsung heroes helping me in my battle against multiple myeloma. Sometimes it's a thank you, other times a hug, or perhaps a dinner out. Since I enjoy baking, many times it’s homemade baked goods.
In fact, my next "thank you" is a cake for the infusion center to celebrate my complete response.
So, take the time to acknowledge the unsung heroes in your lives, and feel free to offer suggestions on creative ways you’ve found to say thanks.
Peace, and live for a cure.
Kevin Jones is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon.
If you are interested in writing a regular column for The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
Kevin: Thank you for your well written article about your extended supporting family and friends. I am glad my comment struck a cord with you. You did a good job recognizing their vast contributions to your overall well being. While you are struggling with the MM battle and trying to work; they are providing very much to your care with meals, clean laundry, clean bedding, grocery shopping, and life's basic essentials. They provide all of this; in addition to the emotional support needed to keep positive in the fight against MM! Without their help your life would be much more difficult...
My medical providers are very caring and helpful. They have assigned a medical case social worker to try to help fill in the support gap.
Hi Kevin, Thanks for the column about all the great people in our lives who are making a difference every day. Our families are often the core of our support, but also there are the health care providers, and the people who accommodate us in the rest of our everyday lives. And, isn't that great that you do homemade baking for people...wow, I bet they love that!
Well said, Kevin. Thanks! I echo your sentiments wholeheartedly. We should all sing the praises of our caregivers. They selflessly break their backs (probably not a good analogy for us broken-bone laden MMers!) to give us just about everything we need, except for the one thing that they'd dearly love to give us - a cure. Their position is anything but easy, yet they soldier on.
Loving support from family, friends, community, and church is priceless. I was very blessed to have a temendous team (I still do!) and, like you, I don't take my good fortune for granted for a minute.
I would also add the power of creating relationships with other patients (virtual and face-to-face), with leading information sites and organizations such as The Myeloma Beacon, the IMF, the MMRF and the like, have helped tremendously. It takes a village to raise us myeloma patients!
Thanks, again, for sharing your story. All the best for continued great results as you journey through Myelomaville!
Interesting that you chose to write about the 'caregiver' topic this go-round, Kevin. Not sure why so many of us are thinking about that nowadays (I blogged on it a few days ago, for instance, and have read others' posts on it as well.) Valentine's Day, maybe?
It doesn't matter why, of course. Our caregivers are central to our health and welfare, and without them many (most) of us would have a much more severe and shortened time of it, I am certain. Thank you for your call-out to them... they richly deserve it.
BTW, regarding your "cake": I regularly bring donuts to our clinic's staff-room
Hi Kevin, I am new to The Myeloma Beacon this month, but I can say for sure that this is a great support for me. I am blessed to have a wonderful group of family and friends who have been amazing, but since discovering the Beacon, it is so great to have my daily read of updates from people who know and feel what I do. I am thankful for this and the mental healing it is giving me. Thanks for the story.
Nancy D, I sure hope the social worker helps. You're so right that life is much less difficult with people supporting us. Hopefully the people you come to know through the Beacon here can also provide a measure of support for you too. Feel free to contact me anytime if needed.
Nancy S, There are so many people that contribute to our well-being – I'm sure I didn’t' catch everyone. Sean's paraphrasing of the "it takes a village…" quote says it pretty well.
Sean, great point on the support from the Beacon, IMF, and other organizations. I feel somewhat ashamed I failed to mention at least the Beacon, and all that contribute to it, in my column - they create a great support network.
John S, I didn't purposely make the Valentine's Day connection, but subconsciously, who knows. I quickly checked out your website and like the whole thought of "valuing each other on an ongoing basis". I actually visited and bookmarked your site a few weeks ago during the "discussion" on your avatar to see if you were really that
ornery :D, and try to check in every week or two. Keep taking those treats for the staff.
Christine, welcome to the Beacon and I am so glad it is providing support for you. As I mentioned to Sean above, I can't believe I missed it my column. I agree that it makes a difference knowing most people here are walking a very similar path and can understand what you're truly going through.
Hi Kevin...I just wanted to share that your column has just appeared in my e-mail 'inbox' from our local myeloma support group! it will be read and appreciated by many!
When we started on this journey it was friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers that came to our aid. It was well into our journey and the start of our treatment far away from home that I began to meet others in "Myelomaville" (Sean Murray's wonderful turn of phrase). It was then I began to garner other support. There are so many ways to offer help and assistance whether you truly know what the other is going through or not. I have given to others my whole life. The trick for me was to allow others to give of themselves to me (and Dave). To accept it with graciousness and thanks. Sometimes I would think of things for them to do so they could be included in our struggle. Whether it was small or large it was both helpful and appreciated on so many levels. There are truly wonderful and selfless people in the world if only you let them in.
Nancy, I also found out that one of my previous articles was circulating through another discussion group elsewhere. I find it's both a bit scary and encouraging to know something I write can get that kind of attention.
Lori, I have similar discomfort graciously accepting help. I've always been one of those people that like's to take care of things myself and have been very humbled by this whole experience.