Pat’s Cracked Cup: The Year Of The Dragon And Chemo Dreams
The Chinese New Year arrives this week. A culture with so much impact on the world can hardly be ignored. “The Year of the Dragon” suggests an energetic shift on the planet. The protective and powerful dragon symbolizes wisdom and prosperity. Generous, benevolent, and lucky, the dragon can transform into any type of creature and overcome all challenges.
Taming and transforming the multiple myeloma beast takes more than a dragon, but inspiration helps. Sometimes the dreams that occur during sleep can lead to new meaning and ways to see how the mind and body work together.
The science of medicine does not pay much attention to mythology, astrology, or dreams. Many consider dreams as nothing more than chemical phenomena of the brain.
I was reminded of “chemo dreams” when I read Kevin Jones’ recent Beacon column, Me vs. MM: The Psychological Barrier.
Daily life is a waking dream that we call reality, but the activity of our sleeping mind produces an alternate reality that often feels just as lively. The chemo dream seems to be a combination of the two – a parallel universe of sorts.
I experienced some drug-induced dream states during my treatment days, especially during a hospitalization. These seem to have been triggered by the powerlessness that comes with being a patient.
One such dream took place in the very room in which I was being treated. Staff streamed in and out checking and measuring me, and the machines kept beeping. This sounds fairly routine, but in the dream, I believed that I was locked in the room and the victim of a sinister experiment.
The condition of serious illness does leave one in a state of suspended understanding. We really do not know what is happening to us. The origination of the term “patient” implies an individual who must wait, and wait – and wait even more. The only option is patience.
The dreams tapered off, but they resumed long after I discontinued all medications. A rich dream life emerged to include lions, tigers, and bears. All sorts of non-human life forms have entered my dreams – fish, rats, birds, spiders, beasts. I consider these my survival dreams.
Engaging with the natural world in dreams has connected me more solidly to the life force. Shamanistic cultures have always known this.
Another dream featured frightening, but humorous-looking, Dr. Seuss-style mythical creatures moving toward me as I was backed up against a wall. It was a moment of active dreaming where I intentionally called out to them, “Go away!” Surprisingly, the beasts turned around and left me alone.
Dreams of creatures have stopped, but dreaming has continued.
People commonly dream of being in unfamiliar places, wearing the wrong clothes, etc.
Just last week, one of those dreams appeared to me. I was walking down the street when I realized that my hair was falling out in clumps (a frightful moment for anyone who has ever lost their hair during chemo). I wanted to head back to the place where I was staying, but I did not know which way to go. I was going to call someone, but I did not have my cell phone. I was also wearing no shoes.
We’ve all been in similar dream situations. Waking up to our “real life” is a relief. Finding meaning takes more time and effort for those who choose to go there. Messengers within and around us have wisdom to share. I regard my dreams as an extension of my waking life.
If the dragon year can inspire transformation and rising to the challenges of the day, I’m listening. Drink some tea, and open a fortune cookie. Cheers!
Pat Pendleton is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of her columns here.
If you are interested in writing a regular column to be published on The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
Gong xi fa cai, Pat! Happy New Year! My children are adopted from China and we always enjoy celebrating Lunar New Year. I hope that this Year of the Dragon brings you good health and many, many happy dreams. Thanks for another terrific article!
Wow... and I thought I was having flashbacks! Thanks for telling us about your chemo-dreams, Pat!
Actually, some of the dreams we have are a function of the chemotherapy we endure. While people easily accept the idea of peripheral neuropathy affecting the peripherals --hands and feet, it seems to be a jump that the discomfort is the function of temporary corruption of the central nervous system. Once we remember that, it's not that big a jump to understand the origins of "chemo-brain" and even some of those strange dreams.
You make an interesting point, Bob. However, I think researchers are fairly sure that the peripheral neuropathy that occurs from some myeloma treatments is the result of the drugs damaging the nerves where the PN is actually occurring -- not damage to areas of the brain.
That said, I think you are on to something when you remind us that the drugs that can do damage to the nerve cells in our hands and feet, thus causing PN, can also do damage to the nerve cells in our brains.
I know that there is the so-called blood-brain barrier. Not all drugs can make it into the brain. (The body realizes the brain is an important organ and protects it accordingly!) But that doesn't mean that myeloma-related drugs can't make it into the brain.
Medicinal Chemistry
Velcade has shown poor/minimal BBB penetration in rats. Carfilzomib has shown no BBB penetration in rats
Alklyators (melphan/cyclophosphamide/ifosamide) are highly lipid soluble and easily penetrate the BBB.
Wow, no matter how much progress I make with my Biology and Genetics home-schooling, seems there's always another topic for research. I was not aware of a blood-brain barrier (though it makes sense). Guess this will get added to my to-learn list, right next to cytogentics.
By the way, suzierose, do you have a background in the human sciences, or have you picked up most of what you know since being diagnosed? You seem to be very knowledgeable on a lot of toics.
Hi Suzierose...would you mean sharing with us what field your PhD is in? I am guessing biochemistry...I think you make a great contribution to this website with your energy and research. And it is certainly good to be reminded that there is a 'blood-brain' barrier (BBB). I am sure that all the strong myeloma drugs do have some side effects on one's thought processes ... it's just another one of those things that patients have to put up with on their road to better, or stable health.
Happy Chinese New year's everyone!! Thanks Pat for your interesting column....isn't it neat that the Chinese embrace their 'inner dragons', whereas the western culture tries to slay them! Have you read ' Beowulf'? That is a Nordic dragon slayer story if there ever was one.
In southern China , it must be spring....here we have an ice sculpture of a dragon in front of the Chinese Cultural centre, done by ice sculpture artists who hail from northern China. The temps of -30 C. last week didn't even faze them...they were out with their chain saws carving large blocks of ice. But the days are getting longer and the bright sunshine is a sign of better weather to come.
Hi Suzierose...why am I not surprised!! You have a lot of skill in tracking down all sorts of studies which are relevant to this branch of medicine...thanks so much!
I'm given to understand that the blood brain barrier does filter out particulates, bacteria and other 'contaminants' so they don't affect the brain. However, it does not block proteins or hydrophobic compounds, both of which can be modified by chemo. While I grant that specific elements of chemotherapy themselves might not actually get into the old gray matter, I haven't read anything that indicates the brain and central nervous system is completely isolated from chemo effects. But I have read that PN is a function of nerve damage on the periphery and in the CNS both. And that chemo can have an effect on the workings of the brain, much the same as compounds that affect the brain through dopamine modulation, for instance.
I never imagined my post would spark so many technical comments. Thanks!
I guess your post had the right chemistry!