Sean’s Burgundy Thread: Turkey, Touchdowns, and Multiple Myeloma
In just a few short weeks, millions of folks across the U.S. will travel over-the-river-and-through-the-woods to gather with family and friends during one of the nation’s most beloved holidays - Thanksgiving!
My family is no different. We love Thanksgiving! I can see it now:
On Thanksgiving morning, through the magic of television, we will be whisked away to The Big Apple to clap along with rousing marching bands, to ‘oooo’ over the helium-filled superhero balloons, and to ‘ahhh’ over the masterfully decorated motorized floats of the this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
The younger children will cling to the promise that Santa Claus may well make an appearance at the end of the parade. After all, Dad, Christmas is only a month away!
Meanwhile, well-practiced culinarians, led by my wife, Karen, will prepare a delectable, calorie-laden Thanksgiving feast just in time to match our gang’s hearty, well-practiced Thanksgiving appetites. I will offer my self-proclaimed gourmet help, but will be shooed away from the kitchen. Perhaps it was because I put too much pepper in the green bean casserole – four years ago!
After the noontime meal, my fellow ‘armchair quarterbacks’ and I, stuffed to the gills with turkey, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie, will do our best to wave off the siren call of the afternoon nap. Our focus is placed squarely on modern day gladiators as they vie for ultimate supremacy on the football field. And then we’ll do it again, maybe this time with a nap.
The evening calls for hands of rummy, a variety of board games, and a raucously competitive match or two of Pictionary or some such contest of brains, creativity, and ingenuity.
At some point, the signal will be sent for all interested parties to reacquaint themselves with the leftovers. Warning: They’d better be swift and agile if they want to beat me to Karen’s delicious cornbake! Like Santa, cornbake only makes one appearance at our house each year and I jealously guard my relationship with it. It is one of my favorite recipes, though it could use a bit more pepper.
While the above illustrates just some of the traditions of our typical Thanksgiving Day celebration, we do try to be mindful that in its most noble purpose, Thanksgiving is the perfect time for us to express to one another those things for which we are grateful.
As our group gathers, we tend to give thanks for simple things: the freedom to practice our faith, gratitude that our needs have been met for yet another year, the gift of having wonderful friends and family, thankfulness for challenging, but rewarding work, and, of course, that we have the blessings of good health.
During Thanksgiving week three years ago, however, our holiday spirit, and our faith, were resoundingly put to the test.
On the Monday morning before Thanksgiving 2008, I began undergoing tests at the Myeloma Institute for Research and Therapy (MIRT) at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences (UAMS). The goal was to discover whether I had multiple myeloma, as my hometown physicians had suspected, and, if so, to determine a course of action.
What had started a couple of weeks before as a routine backache had turned into the most excruciating pain I’d ever experienced. I could barely stand, couldn’t sleep in a bed, and had trouble getting in and out of a chair. Not a great way of life for someone 49 years old. Heck, it wasn’t so hot for someone 89.
The table-top imaging tests (MRI, CT and PET Scans, bone densitometry) were almost unbearable because I had to lie still on my back. And when I had to position myself on my stomach for my inaugural bone biopsy and bone marrow aspiration, the pain just about did me in.
To make matters even more compelling, the MRI findings indicated that a collapsed vertebrae was impinging on my spinal cord and a large tumor was impacting my right shoulder, No wonder aspirin and an ice pack hadn’t helped with the pain!
The doctors decided to admit me to the hospital for fear that a simple fall or accident could possibly cause permanent paralysis. Myeloma specialists, surgeons, nurses, and lab technicians traipsed into my room for the next three days and nights. I was parked in an easy chair that they had found for me to sleep and rest in.
At various times I was asked to stand and walk and bend and answer ‘Does that hurt?’ or ‘Can you feel this?’. I understood that they were trying to determine whether I needed immediate surgery to repair my back or whether I should begin chemotherapy to lessen the tumor burden found in my body. It sounded like we were looking for the lesser of two evils. And for once, I didn’t have an opinion, because I didn’t know which was the right way to go.
On my fourth day in the hospital, I assured my doctors that I would be extremely grateful if they would allow my wife to drive me the four hours home to be with my family for Thanksgiving. They reluctantly consented and I agreed to return the following Monday to resume testing and to decide what steps we would follow next.
I was admonished to be exceedingly careful and was given explicit instructions that if something were to happen to me back at home and I ended up at the local emergency room, that I should give the ER docs my MIRT contact information. Oh, and to not let the ER staff treat me unless it was absolutely necessary. To top it off, I was told to take a life flight helicopter from my local hospital to UAMS in the event of a problem. Yikes, this was serious business!
Karen and I made our way back home by late afternoon on Thanksgiving Day, no worse for the wear. Our family and friends held dinner until we could get there and I had a very tender, unforgettable reunion with my children.
The joy that we normally felt at Thanksgiving was tempered by the sobering reality that I was diagnosed with a life threatening cancer. On the outside, I was trying to be brave for the kids, but on the inside I was asking a million seemingly unanswerable questions.
Was I going to die? Would I see Katie and Lizzie grow up? They were both adopted from Chinese orphanages after having been abandoned by their birth parents. Was I going to abandon them, too? Could we afford the treatments? Would I ever work again? And so on. You myeloma patients know the drill.
And to top it all off – it was Thanksgiving. How could I possibly find it in my heart to be grateful for having multiple myeloma thrust into my life?
It is hard for some people to relate to this, but it was during this early time that I made the conscious decision that I would practice my faith and trust that I wouldn’t be given anything that I couldn’t handle. I believed that God would not abandon me, that He would not abandon us.
This didn’t mean that I would be cured, or survive long, or be spared continuing pain, but it gave me the courage to stand and fight with dignity and to not wither away because of fear. It was one thing to remain strong for Sean Murray, but I realized I would do just about anything to keep Katie and Lizzie’s daddy and Karen’s husband around and a part of their lives.
Before going back to MIRT, I was reading the well-known 23rd Psalm, you know, the one with ‘Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death’. Although it seemed a highly appropriate and applicable verse to ponder in the pickle I found myself in, what caught my eye and imagination was the 5th verse that reads:
‘Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies’ (Psalm 23:5)
I instantly thought about our Thanksgiving table. I was surrounded by my loved ones, the most important thing in my life. Even in the presence of my ferocious enemy, multiple myeloma, there was joy and laughter and hope. I’d always thought that my enemy might be a person, but it made perfect sense to cast my cancer in that role. And here was God reminding me that even as I faced a terrible foe, He was near.
I ended up going back to MIRT the following Monday to finish testing. After looking at options, I enrolled in the Total Therapy IV Phase 3 clinical trial in early December. I spent the next several months in Little Rock where I received several rounds of high-dose chemotherapy, two stem cell transplants, treatments for blood clots, and a pulmonary embolism, and three kyphoplasties to reduce some of the back pain I had experienced.
Fast forward three years from my diagnosis, and I have now completed two years of my three-year maintenance phase of Total Therapy IV, have been in complete response to treatment for nearly two and a half years, and am doing well. It's been tough, but it hasn't been more than I could handle.
Am I grateful that I have multiple myeloma? Nope. But joy, peace, and gratitude have never left me – even in the darkest times. Thanksgiving will always remind that we were faced with great adversity and we chose to lean on our faith in God to push forward.
Again this Thanksgiving, we will remember the tireless efforts of the doctors, researchers, nurses, technicians, and support staff who have made my last three years possible. We will remember those myeloma patients who have gone before us and my many friends who are battling myeloma now. We will pray for the world-wide community of medical professionals, pharmaceutical companies, patient support organizations, and anyone else who has enlisted in the fight to save ordinary people like me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Trust that I won’t just be thinking about turkeys and touchdowns. I will be thinking about and praying for all of you out in Myelomaville!
Sean Murray is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon.
If you are interested in writing a regular column to be published on The Myeloma Beacon, please contact the Beacon team at .
Happy Thanksgiving!! We had our Canadian thanksgiving on Oct. 10 with our family and as always, it was a warm celebration of appreciation, with lots of good food too! Have to love those turkey dinners!! This was the first year that one of our daughters and her fiancé had us over, instead of my husband and I hosting it. That was so nice and we had pumpkin tarts from a famer's market for dessert, which was a nice departure from usual. It was my third Thanksgiving since starting all the treatments for myeloma, and was very glad this year to be out the other side of those, at least for now! Best wishes to you and your lovely family.
Sean, what a beautiful article. We also know the power and grace of God in fighting MM. We have much to be thankful for - including all the contributing authors on this site, those participating in the forums and the Beacon for being here for those of us sharing in this journey and the healthcare community providing care and treatment. Live each day as a gift from God. Having recently lost a family member to a massive heart attack, it proves one never knows when your last day on earth may be. Rex and Kay
Sean,
What a touching article and a good testament to your faith. I have especially found the song " I will Praise You in this Storm" by Casting Crowns, helpful in my journey. I exercise to it. Two years post transplant, and so far so good!
Thanks for sharing your journey. I was at UAMS in November, 2008. I had SCT's in September and December, 2008. I remain in remission. Stay strong and continue to thank God.
Lovely post, Sean. Lots of parallels with my own story (esp. the critical back issue). I'm a bit over a year into this adventure, and 6 weeks past my stem-cell transplant, so relatively speaking still early days for me, but I can certainly empathize with your experience: God certainly carried my family through this.
Enjoy your American Thanksgiving!
I was strong & very fit when 49 years old. My family operated a business in our paradise of Bermagui, 450 klms south of Sydney. We are surrounded by Forrest, mountains, lakes & pristine beaches. Our life could not have been better. The crippling back pain I developed in early 2005 led to my diagnosis of multiple myeloma. Within 6 weeks I was in a wheelchair. My spine, ribs, sternum had multiple fractures & cracks. For the next 6 months I underwent 16 rounds of chemo & 8 months later in Feb 2006 I underwent an autologous stem cell transplant. I remember saying to my mates at the time... "by God you must be crook to die". I never thought that I would survive the process of the treatment. I was not a religious person but I certainly found my God. I was prepared to die & do so willingly as along as I had the opportunity to straighten out my business matters as I did not wish to burden my family with being left debt & uncertainty for their future security. As I approach my 6 year anniversary of my stem cell transplant, I find it hard to believe I am still alive & basically live a normal life. I have had no further treatment in all these years but still require 200 mg of OxyContin daily for the relief of the pain in my back. 2 magic pills a day & no task is too great for me... without them.. I can not get out of bed. I consider myself to be the lucky one. I tell my story hoping that if I can reach one person than it is a good story to read. Stay strong fellow sufferers. It really is in the hands of God. Some will suffer & many will die. But many also will survive & recall their journeys many years after their diagnosis. Make peace at first with yourself. Make peace with tour family & friends. And finally make peace with your God. I wish you all good luck & stay strong.
Hello! Thank you all for sharing your kind thoughts with us! Your stories, suggestions and collective wisdom help bring our myeloma world community (what I call Myelomaville) closer together.
> John and Nancy: Happy belated Canadian Thanksgiving! What I need to do next year is to schedule some time around early October and visit friends in Canada to sample some of the pumpkin tarts that you were talking about, Nancy! John - I visited your site - terrific! I wish you both the very best as you continue your bouts with MM. Stay strong!
> Rex and Kay - God bless you both! You are right, the folks at the MB are very generous in allowing us to connect with each other through the forums, articles and constantly updated MM news and information. Take care, Kansas neighbors!
> B Sarbaugh: The Casting Crows' 'I Will Praise You in this Storm” powerfully speaks to me, as well! May you be saying to us 'So far so good' for MANY years to come!
'No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side'
> John Kay: Great to hear from you! Maybe we passed each other in the halls at UAMS. I was the guy with the 'deer in headlights look', the ball cap, no hair - wait a minute, that describes most of us! I'll be back to MIRT Nov. 15 -18 for a 4 month check-up and I'll be sharing a few thoughts at the MIRT Meet on Thursday, Nov 17th. You stay strong, as well! We can do this!
Paulo - I am humbled by your story- please keep sharing it. You give me, and no doubt many others, inspiration for not giving up, even while being faced with debilitating pain. Blessings to you, mate.
Sean,
Though Thanksgiving is a favorite holiday for many of us, I can certainly see why it takes on an even greater meaning for you, considering what you faced three years ago. Thank you for so beautifully expressing what this special day represents for so many, with its rich history and the traditions we enjoy with our family and friends. I will never quite look at that verse from the 23rd Psalm the same after you related "mine enemies" to MM. True indeed! My husband is 14 months post transplant and we recently attended our first Duke Adult Bone Marrow Transplant Clinic Survivors Reunion. We hope to attend each year for a long time to come, as we all celebrated surviving blood cancers.I know we all have much to be thankful for. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Wow, your story brings back memories -- both of you and your family as you waded through these challenges, and ours a few years prior. It's wonderful to look back on those times, and the farther back the better! Happy Thanksgiving and may God Bless.
We were in Ark for our collection over Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's in '08/'09. I remember getting a little Turkey breast and cooking a few of our "favorite things" in the little apartment we were staying in. It was quiet, no family, just the two of us with Dave in a lot of pain and scared. But we too took the time to find things we were thankful for. Our children flew in for Christmas to our little apartment with my teeny artificial tree and a few holiday decorations I brought with us knowing we would be there for the long haul. It was a good lesson for our college age children to understand that it was about being together and nothing more. We just really kept being grateful that we were in treatment and there was a light at the end of the tunnel. It has made everything brighter, sweeter and even more meaningful ever since. We were together.
Lori - thanks for sharing your poignant Thanksgiving-in-Little-Rock story. I'm sure that the most powerful aspect of that season was that you and Dave were, indeed, together. And to make it sweeter, your kids then joined you. Despite the fear of the unknown road ahead, you circled the wagons and drew close. And here we are, three years later! I am thankful that you have blessed many in the MM world, including me, with your wit and wisdom. Happy Thanksgiving, Puentes!
Rita! I'm not even going to try to put into words what you and Doug have meant to us through these many years. To see how you have handled your own great adversity with grace, faith and an unyielding love for one another and your kids, has set an indelible mark upon us. We have always felt you in our corner - thank you! Happy, Happy Thanksgiving!
Linda: Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family! Thank you for your kind words. And as you know, the verse in the 23rd Psalm goes on to read that our 'cups runneth over'! Even as we fight MM in the trenches, we are blessed and have much for which we are grateful. Keep in touch!
Sean - You are an amazing person, and it is so obvious that God is using you to inspire, encourage, and bless your neighbors in "Myelomaville". My precious mother was very recently diagnosed with high risk mm, and I printed your "Positively Myeloma" post for her because it reminds me so much of her own attitude regarding this disease! She's read it at least a dozen times already!!=)
Many people have asked whether Mom is "in denial" because she is so upbeat about things, and she replies with, "How could I not be positive?! I have faith in a God who will never leave nor forsake me, a wonderful supportive family, and amazing friends who surround me with love and prayer."
I am grateful beyond words for all the information, support, encouragement, compassion, love, dedication, perseverance, and HOPE I have found in "The Myeloma Beacon". I will continue to lift you all in prayer, and may you also have a beautiful and blessed Thanksgiving!
Lisa Byland
Lisa! Happy Thanksgiving to you, your mom and your family, too! Some folks look at patients living with difficult prognoses and confuse the state of 'having a positive attitude' with 'being in denial'. Just because some of us choose to overtly make the best of the hand dealt us, doesn't mean that we aren't aware of the darker side of living with MM. It also doesn't mean that we don't have bad days. I admire your mom's faith and perseverance! And thanks for sharing your kind thoughts about the Myeloma Beacon!
Sean-Thank you for your words of encouragement..I too have spent a Thanksgiving at LR. Diagnosed June 2, 2010 IgA Kappa and just barely post first SCT, one of my most vivid memory's was having to go outside at my sisters house while the turkey was cooking. That had to be the worst smell ever! I was on a walker at the time due to 9 compression fractures and severe weakness. I lost 6 inches of height and 60 pounds as well as any feeling of manliness having never been sick in my life until now. Wow talk about overwhelmed. Had it not been for my wonderful wife and the rest of my family, well I wouldn't be here today. Many many prayers from family and friends prevailed and I am facing this Thanksgiving in complete remission. I am on maintenance now with Dex and Revlimid. The velcaid was stopped a few weeks ago due to grade 3 neuropathy. I thank God every day for his Grace and Mercy without which I would not be looking forward to another Thanksgiving and I don't think I will have to go outside while the turkey bakes this year...
Sean,
My wife [the patient] and I also spent Thanksgiving and Christmes 2005 in a 'second home' apartment in Little Rock. Bitter sweet memories, however with the help of our faith, family visiting and friends we pushed on for 2006. Since we are talking about the experience in 2011 our tone IS thankfulness. Therevore,we hope that you all have a pleasant Thanksgiving and holiday season following, Christmas.
forrest