Last Sunday my wife, Pattie, and I were spending some quality “together time” around the house.

We don’t get to spend as much time together as one would think.  Like a lot of couples, we are both really busy.  Pattie works full time.  I spend much of my time writing, attending medical appointments, napping, or checking my email.  Then there’s work to do around the house, errands to run, and obligations to friends and family.

As of this weekend, I had been home from my stem cell transplant for three weeks.  Things had begun to get back to normal, but I could tell something wasn’t in sync yet.

I started the conversation with Pattie by sharing something I had been feeling for the past several days:  I felt let-down.

It didn’t make any sense to me.  I should be feeling great!  After all, my long-awaited stem cell transplant was complete—something I had been dreading for years since my multiple myeloma diagnosis.

My recovery was going well.  I was home, writing again, and feeling surprisingly good.  So what was wrong?  What was missing?

I paused and asked how Pattie felt about all of this.  “I feel that way, too!” she replied.

Thinking back, Pattie had complained recently about how she was bored at work.  And having only moved to Florida a few years ago, I know she misses Wisconsin—especially during the hot summer months.  Her once common “I hate Florida!” refrain started up again last week.

But it didn’t take long for us to discover that we were both experiencing a sense of loss.

I’m not an expert on the topic, but wouldn’t a good analogy of this be a woman or couple who are experiencing postpartum depression?

I wouldn’t go as far as to consider either of us depressed.  But our sense of loss is real.

It turns out we had both been preparing for my transplant for so long, and now that it was over, it felt like something was missing.  Maybe it was the time we spent together planning for the ordeal.  Or maybe we missed the focus it takes to make it through something like this.

When you find yourself fighting to regain your health, little else matters.  There’s one goal.  It's difficult and painful.  But a sense of purpose takes over.  Experiencing this can be very powerful.  Now things were returning to normal.

Identifying and talking through the problem helped a lot, and I think we are both feeling a lot better about things now.

Maybe everything will come together once we learn how well my transplant worked.  Of course, that might just create a whole new set of challenges.

More about that next week…

Feel good and keep smiling!  Pat