I returned home from my stem cell transplant late last month.  At first, my progress was uneven and a bit frustrating.  I would feel a bit better one day, only to backslide and lose ground the next.

But my third week home has been better.  My energy levels are rising, my unsettled stomach is improving, and I am able to perform more than one physical task without rest.

My wife has been taking an extra day off work each week to help do things around the house.  It’s raining today—a perfect day to organize our home and office.

While I was doing some filing, Pattie heard me comment to myself how I couldn’t find anything and needed to get more organized.

“You are one of the most organized people I know,” she remarked.  “I think you are way too hard on yourself.”

Pattie went on to explain how she noticed a lack of focus for months following her chemotherapy ten years ago for ovarian cancer.  She even checked her daily journal from those days to confirm how she felt.

I don’t keep a daily journal.  But my blogs and this column about living with multiple myeloma should serve the same purpose for me in the future.

What cognitive symptoms did my high-dose chemotherapy and long transplant ordeal cause?

The most noticeable is my lack of focus.  Like a third grader the week before summer vacation, I just can’t seem to stay on task.  I’m misplacing things regularly.

The organized chaos that was my office now leaves me befuddled.  The stacks of folders and medical bills look like the Rocky Mountains to me right now.  Even anticipating the most basic projects leaves me apprehensive and intimidated.

Hopefully this will improve with time.  I just need to be patient—never one of my strengths—even before my diagnosis or subsequent therapy.

At least I can still focus enough to write!  Maybe all is not lost.

Feel good and keep smiling!  Pat